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nn5n: scp-3500 Instructions Unclear, Got Dick Stuck In Roget
EuclidSCP-3500 Instructions Unclear, Got Dick Stuck In RogetRate: 124

Item #: SCP-3500

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: A circular area with a radius of 5m around Dr. Ralph Roget is to be monitored at all times. Should SCP-3500-1 appear, it is to be detained and placed in a standard humanoid containment cell. SCP-3500-1 instances displaying cognitive function in line with the original Dr. Roget are to be granted class three humanoid privileges, and offered limited employment. Due to SCP-3500's relative unpredictability, caution is to be observed during SCP-3500-1 manifestations. Instances displaying hostile or volatile behavior towards Foundation employees are to be subdued on manifestation. Should such hostility continue past initial containment, instances are to be terminated to avoid further damage.

Thorough analysis should be conducted to ensure that each SCP-3500-1 instance is an SCP-3500-1 instance, and not a result of SCP-2546 infection.

Dr. Roget is to be granted psychological counseling upon request. Per Site-77's director Shirley Gillespie, all attempts by Dr. Roget to resign or leave his position are to be denied. Since SCP-3500 began, Dr. Roget has requested amnestic treatment following each event. Initially, these requests were granted; however, despite the amnestics, Dr. Roget has become mentally unstable. Further treatment has been suspended in order to ensure that he becomes desensitized to these phenomena.

Update 2017-4-21

Foundation personnel possessing level three clearance or higher have been notified of recent developments concerning SCP-3500, and have been placed under close surveillance. SCP-3500's mechanism of spreading is currently unknown, and cannot be prevented as of this iteration.


Partial containment of SCP-3500 has thus far been possible through lateral application of Procedure Kuzco-Bueller to extract known imprints of swn001-1-RGT(RogetRoget) embedded in narrative layers approaching Pataphysics' own. Internarrative twining has been reduced at a rate of 30-40%, though this effectiveness is dropping. Concurrent efforts to slow the rate of Operation FLAT HORIZON's spread have thus far been unsuccessful.

SCP-3500, previously contained at the intersection of swn001-1-RGT imprints,1 has in the last three months spread outward through several narrative vectors into planes related to other swn-001-1 entities, as well as other unclassified entities.2 As spread patterns are erratic, it is theorised that several of these vectors are undetectable from the bulk narrative viewpoint - MTF-ι-0 have been assigned to explore known possible assets, while SCP-423 and SCP-3145 are working together to move through fringe narrative and into unexplored narrative rootspace, with an aim to culling the effects of SCP-3500 at the source. Neither are expected to succeed at this time.

Though the spread of SCP-3500 currently affects just 13% of known swn001-1 instances, and <1% of known swn001-2 instances, current models show a high probability of total spread to active entities within 16 months. SCP-3500 is under consideration for reclassification to 'Keter (Uncontained)'.

Description: SCP-3500 is a phenomenon involving the manifestation of anomalous versions of Dr. Ralph Roget, hereby dubbed SCP-3500-1, within a 5m radius of the baseline individual. SCP-3500 occurs at highly variable intervals, with no discernible pattern between manifestations.3 The cause of these manifestations is currently not known.

SCP-3500-1 primarily resemble the baseline non-anomalous Dr. Roget in most materializations; however, all recovered instances have displayed an array of anomalous properties inconsistent with their baseline counterpart (see Table T-3500-1). A number of manifestations have exhibited abilities/properties consistent with other anomalies contained by the Foundation. SCP-3500's relation to these anomalies is currently not understood.

227 instances of SCP-3500-1 have been captured and contained.


SCP-3500 is a distortion of narrative cohesion affecting all known canon planes, centred around Dr. Ralph Roget of Site-19 and his analogues throughout the metaverse. SCP-3500 is theorised to be the result of hypercompression of twined planes following Operation Flat Horizon and its ancillary operations.4 This hypercompression causes bulges at significant data points, most notably the imprints of swn001-1 entities, causing extreme strain at their respective stacked planes. In the most extreme case, that of swn001-1-RGT, this has lead to ruptures and the intermixing of canons surrounding the point of decohesion.

With the increasing number of datapoints per day, the pressure on swn001-1-RGT's imprint grows exponentially, as it does on other unruptured bulges. With the predicted insurgence of data points following the recent formation of a rare data hyperposition, the current situation, is likely the tipping point of systemic rupture. The consequences of such an event remain uncertain; however, predictive models appear to indicate a 48% chance of complete narrative collapse.

The following table contains a selection of SCP-3500-1 entries that have been contained. The full list is available to personnel possessing clearance level two or higher.

Identity Date of Manifestation SCP-3500-1 Description/Characteristics
SCP-3500-1-001 2012-02-26 Security footage captured SCP-3500-1-001's manifestation within Dr. Roget's office. The instance possessed pink pigmentation, feathers5 protruding from the arms and legs, and an orange tinted beak in the place of a mouth and nose. SCP-3500-1-001 became hostile upon noting Dr. Roget's presence. Dr. Roget sustained 2 facial lacerations before site security could secure the instance.
SCP-3500-1-017 2012-06-19 SCP-3500-1-017 manifested in Site-77's cafeteria atop the food distribution line as Dr. Roget was eating lunch. The entity was brown in color and consistency, and was later determined to be made entirely of milk-chocolate. It began moving in Dr. Roget's direction, at which point it began melting. Other personnel present report that the entity showed signs of consciousness as it was melting, reportedly screaming incoherently in Dr. Roget's direction. Several personnel became enamored with the material, and had to be removed from the premise by site security. When questioned about their sudden desire to consume the material, affected parties all mentioned a distinct and overwhelming aroma which drew them towards the chocolate.
SCP-3500-1-054 2012-11-18 SCP-3500-054 appeared as Dr. Roget was passing a Janitorial closet. The entity was described, by Dr. Roget, as being completely composed of wood, with the exception of the eyes, which appeared human in origin, and the hair which resembled the brushes typically found on janitorial mops. The entity was immobile throughout the encounter, and began secreting highly corrosive fluid from the head, resulting in the rapid deterioration of the wooden tissue. Site security was alerted shortly after this began; however, despite repeated efforts to neutralize the corrosive substance, the replica ultimately dissolved. Dr. Roget filed an amnestic treatment and personnel transfer request following the incident. This request has been denied.
SCP-3500-1-094 2013-02-19 Dr. Roget awoke in his Site-77 apartment three times on the morning of February 19th to a foreign figure which he described as being "Shadowy, but glowing." Following the second appearance, Dr. Roget was awoken by a sudden flash of bright light and a distorted high-pitched squeal, at which point he realized that the figure was in fact an SCP-3500-1 manifestation, at which point it collapsed into a pile of its component parts. The entity is now known to have been composed of 92 children's night lights, as well as a number of standard extension cords. All night lights were determined to be non-anomalous. Dr. Roget was purportedly found unconscious in his bathroom two days following the incident, having nearly overdosed on prescription strength sleeping medication.
SCP-3500-1-114 2013-04-18 Dr. Roget returned to his office following reports of anomalous food bowls in Site-77's cafeteria. CCTV camera footage captured Dr. Roget beginning to open the door, when he was suddenly pushed back against the wall of the hallway by a flood of Tostitos brand corn chips. Dr. Roget was recovered from beneath a ceiling high pile of chips and molten cheese, at which point it was determined he'd suffered numerous minor lacerations, and first degree burns on the arms. During the debrief, Dr. Roget reported that, as he was opening the door, he was able to see a replica of himself made of several standard food bowls, random assortments of molten cheeses, and several bags of chips. Dr. Roget requested psychological treatment following this incident.
SCP-3500-1-118 2013-05-01 The entity was initially clothed in garb worn by hunters during the early 20th century, and possessed appropriate hunting gear from the period. Initially, 118 was screened thoroughly for anomalous properties, however none were found. As a result, he was offered full employment and standard level one security clearance despite an irrational fear of the moon. On May 24th, 2013, Dr. Roget found the entity within its office, in the process of transforming into a human sized Oryctolagus cuniculus, at which time it managed to escape into the site. 57 additional human sized Oryctolagus cuniculus were contained by site security alongside the original depletion of Site-77's vegetable stocks. Dr. Roget put in an additional request following this incident to increase psychological treatment from once to three times a week, alongside a second personnel transfer request. The former was granted, and the latter denied.
SCP-3500-1-170 2014-03-29 The circumstances behind the appearance of SCP-3500-1-170 are currently unknown.6 SCP-3500-1-170 is an identical version of Dr. Roget's head, severed at the neck, and kept in a fluid filled glass container possessing an electronic cryogenic temperature regulation mechanism. Whenever it is observed, Dr. Roget will receive a call on his work, home, or cellular phone, depending upon his current location. Upon answering, Dr. Roget will be greeted by a voice claiming to also be Ralph Roget, but from a future point in time.7 Conversations tend to center around past, present, and future events of Dr. Roget's life8 as well as a continual attempt to convince Dr. Roget to take control of Site-77 through assassination of the current director. Dr. Roget continues to ignore such attempts, but has requested that the entity be placed in a chamber where observation will not be possible. This request has been denied, and authorization has been granted to monitor these calls.
SCP-3500-1-216 2017-02-22 On February 2nd, 2017, Dr. Roget contacted site security and notified them of another SCP-3500-1 manifestation. Upon arriving at Dr. Roget's office, security found him standing three meters from the door, with his sidearm drawn and pointed at the entrance. Upon being questioned, he panicked, and fired two rounds into the door, after which the sound of something large being dragged across the floor could be heard. SCP-3500-1-216 proceeded to destroy both the door and the frame with great force, via Dr. Roget's desk having fused to the entity's arms. Three security personnel were incapacitated by flying debris at which time Dr. Roget fled the scene. Additional security personnel were deployed, and successfully subdued the instance following several physical engagements. More thorough analysis, following containment, lead researchers to discover that the entity possessed a tail, stinger, and arms analogous to those found in Arizona Bark Scorpions.9 Dr. Roget submitted a request for additional security personnel to be stationed near his office. This request has been approved.

As of 2017-4-20, Director Shirley Gillespie has authorized increased surveillance of Dr. Roget, in order to ensure his safety, following SCP-3500-1-216's manifestation. As Dr. Roget's mental state has improved, in part thanks to psychological treatment, further restrictions beyond surveillance are not necessary at this time.

Update 2017-4-21:

As of this version of SCP-3500's documentation, the anomaly's effects have spread beyond Dr. Ralph Roget to Dir. Jean Karlyle Aktus, Dir. Sherry and Leep Andrews, Dir. Tilda R. Moose, and Dr. Penelope Panagiotopolous. Due to this sudden spread of SCP-3500's effects, an upgrade of the anomaly's object class from Euclid to Keter has been filed, and is currently pending.


Hi there. This is all a little obtuse, isn't it? That's unfortunately just the nature of our work, but I'll do my best to lay this out in plain English.

On the 8th of October 2016, the Pataphysics department began the implementation of joint projects - Operation Flat Horizon and Operation ÓverMeta. The goal of these projects was simple, if rather ambitious: total unification of the full narrative bulk, into a single cohesive plane. Flat Horizon was more subtle, utilising the biases of swn001-1 entities to effect them toward the linking of data points in order to chip away at the rougher edges of the bulk. If Flat Horizon was a pick, ÓverMeta was more of a sledgehammer. We targeted a single swn001-1 entity, RimpleRimple, and used them to establish a minor canon. More importantly, we introduced Dr. Huever's Hypercanon theory, which provided a conceptual basis for a fully unified canon.

This is hard. I apologise. I'm used to throwing down jargon. When you bullshit enough, it comes true, especially when you live in a rumour and your colleagues are fictional characters.

ÓverMeta was, much to everyone's surprise, a success. We didn't take canon by a storm, but certainly we've seen ripples. 56 planes and counting have moved into state of narrative intersection with the project, and SCP-3621 has since been introduced to the bulk, utilising many of Pataphysics' core concepts to form a distinct channel between baseline canon and a notable narrative package previously out of our reach. Similarly, SCP-3999 now acts as a communicative interface between us and swn001-1 entities.

It comes down to this: When we decided to make canon collapse, we didn't expect it to actually, you know, collapse. These pillars through canon - characters with direct channels to their creators - were being squashed down and down until, just a few weeks ago, they started to burst, retroactively spilling out into the main canon bulk. Just Dr. Roget at first, one of those weird things that happens to researchers like him. I'd say he was relieved it was as harmless as it was. But then it started spreading. Directors Aktus and Moose, the Andrews couple over in Site-234, and then me.

I was the last straw, obviously. Doesn't do to have reality rupturing around your head researchers, but when living rumours start splattering into baseline truth, things have properly gone tits up. Estimates indicate that complete narrative collapse is likely to occur within the next 16 months, at which point… well, Flat Horizon's job will be complete. A flat plane. Worlds squashed together, inconsistencies crushed underneath the incomparable momentum of human thought.

If it's not yet clear, our current actions are utterly futile. MTF-ι-0 is not going to find some holy grail of meta bullshittery. Our scouts aren't going to save the world by invading the conceptual sludge.

Which brings me to this:

There's a simple solution. One which the others haven't thought of yet. They're not idiots, they will, just not as fast as I have. The solution is that we talk to you directly. Break out that listpages module and snap you out of your seat for half a second when you see your username. Hello, I'll wave. It's me, Penelope, being meta. Welcome to the Note At The End".

All this is breaking your suspension of disbelief. It has to. No person withstands this much acknowledgement of fictionality without feeling detached. That's important. I want you to remember I'm not real. That this article is written by one of you - two of you, now, if my readings are correct - and there's no need to incorporate it into how you see our reality. I need you to think "Yeah, alright, I guess that was kinda fun, but obviously it's not CANON". You know the drill…

There is no canon.

page revision: 14, last edited: 03 Aug 2018 15:53
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