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nn5n: scp-4475 So Long, and Thanks for All the Milk
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SCP-4475: So Long, and Thanks for All the Milk
Authors: FloppyPhoenixFloppyPhoenix and KindlyTurtleClemKindlyTurtleClem

This article is FIRE TURTLE (Clem and Floppy)'s 2nd article for the 2019 Collaboration Contest! The two primary Groups of Interest featured are Fifthism and Church of the Second Hytoth.

Go here for the first entry!

More by these authors:

Special Thanks

Smash: Ok Floppy. My only concern is that your space cow god cant fart its way out of orbit if it were to ever hit earth
Smash: I just wrote that sentence
Smash: Look, I just want the ol' girl to be able to get back out to the green pastures of space if she ever finds herself in our neck of the woods

Image Sources

[{$authorPage} ▸ More by this Author ◂]


Item Number: SCP-4475 Level 4/4475
Object Class: Keter PROJECT GALAXIAS

Threat Level: Undetermined


The Trapezium Cluster: SCP-4475's presumed location is in orbit between θ1 Orionis A, B, and E.

Special Containment Procedures: Personnel studying SCP-4475 and SCP-4475-1 have been re-assigned to the newly-formed Project GALAXIAS (a cross-disciplinary initiative devised to better understand milk-based preternatural phenomena).

All Project GALAXIAS personnel — including occult dairy practitioners — are to consume 1.5 L of milk per day to maintain natural resistance against milk-based anomalies. As such, the project is to screen a strict lactose tolerance for all prospective research personnel.

Information involving human apotheosis via the manipulation of milk-based archetypes should be researched and, when possible, suppressed.

Description: SCP-4475 is a Class-III1 deific bovine entity with a body length of 4 km, presently located in extrasolar space.

SCP-4475 possesses 25 pairs of ungulate forelimbs — ranging from 1.5–4 km in length — and a single large udder of variable diameter2 with 49 lengthy teats. Mapping initiatives have detected a large internal bladder and between 5 and 7 powerful sphincters,3 located at the rear of its body. Within the bladder, a complex metabolic process produces biochemical propellant. This propellant is expelled through one of its five sphincters. Based on this anatomical configuration, Foundation-employed aerospace engineers estimate that velocities upwards of 4,000 m/s (14,000 km/h) can be achieved in the vacuum of space.

Collected Thaumic Gateway4 and telemetry data have determined that SCP-4475 is presently located at a distance of 1,344 light-years (± 20 ly) from Earth. SCP-4475 is in orbit around the Trapezium Cluster — a system of five main stars orbiting an unregistered supermassive gravitational anomaly5 — and is believed to have originated in the nearby Orion Nebula.

Despite the high level of para-technology required to directly observe SCP-4475, the Foundation and Global Occult Coalition each became aware of its existence independently. Starting in 2009, at least 5,900 different persons on Earth have undergone physical teleportation into the interior of SCP-4475's mammary glands.

Though random in nature, both firsthand eyewitness accounts and audiovisual recordings from dairy ranchers corroborate the existence of a complex ritual (designated SCP-4475-1) capable of triggering the phenomena. The following process — as compiled by abducted dairy ranchers for scientific study — is a baseline for teleportation via SCP-4475-1:

  1. Select and secure a cow.
  2. Vocalize praise for its existence.
  3. Approach the selected cow at a 55° angle in the direction of its posterior.
  4. Lubricate its two rear quarters, preferably with udder cream.
  5. Pull on each teat five times.

Following the ritual, immediate disappearance and re-emergence inside SCP-4475's udder has occurred in all cases. Additionally, this ritual is akin to common anomalous dairy evocation practices, suggesting a link between the two phenomena.

Addendum 4475.1


A log of notable SCP-4475-1 occurrences is as follows.

In all observed SCP-4475-1 cases, subjects lose their memory of the scenario within 10 hours of returning, suggesting a latent amnestic property of SCP-4475 milk secretions.

Most surviving persons having undergone SCP-4475-16 are later diagnosed with degenerative neurological disorders. Identified diagnoses include brain cancer, dementia, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (or ALS), and brain death after the spinal fluid transforms into milk. All diagnosed persons have experienced loss of life anywhere from three weeks to ten years after diagnosis.

Addendum 4475.2


▼ RAISA:/files/SCP-4475/video_log.md ▼


DATE: December 21, 2009

RECOVERY NOTE: The following is the earliest known recorded instance of SCP-4475-1 teleportation. Timothy Wickman (PoI-4475-01) recorded the following on his camcorder and was later discovered incoherent in the middle of a Wisconsin, USA intersection. Witnesses described him appearing in the middle of the road and regurgitating a large pink-red biological mass.

The only information the tactical response team gleaned from Wickman was his strong desire to "return to the womb."

ARCHIVIST'S NOTE: All building architecture inside of SCP-4475 appears to have been hewn from bone and cartilaginous tissue.

<Begin Log>

[The recording displays a large white threshold resembling SCP-4475's pelvic bone structure. The audio contains heavy panting — presumably Timothy's. The view cuts to an irregular bone structure and zooms in. Audiovisual distortion commences.]



[Timothy directs the camera at his face. He taps the lens with his forefinger, smudging it, before wiping it with his shirt.]

TIMOTHY: Hey — uh, is uh, anyone there? Hello?

[Timothy flips the camera back around and taps on the display screen, shaking the camera. The focused and unfocused view shows off-white floor panels with hexagonal edges.]

TIMOTHY: Hey, this is Tim, and uh, I need help. My damn GPS isn't working.

TIMOTHY: [Muttering.] That's one hell of a way to show the world your dairy farming, Tim. Stay calm, stay frosty. Remember, Tim, bears are more dangerous than people. Stay put, Tim, search parties are —

TIMOTHY: [Sighs.] Search party's on the way. That's the third rule of scout-safety. Here, the forest, the ranch, and everywhere.

TIMOTHY: Where is everyone? [Yelling.] Hello! Y'know, I'd do anything for a water bottle!

<Log cuts unexpectedly>

<Log continues — 15 minutes forward>


[The camera rests on a flat surface. There is a low rhythmic humming and distant trickle. Scraping sounds approach the camera.]


TIMOTHY: Fuck. [Retches.] Why am I so thirsty?

[Timothy picks the camera up and pans down.]

TIMOTHY: I'm all wet!

[Soft mulching accompanies Timothy's step. The view moves through a large entrance and into a tall white edifice with intricate designs and carven surfaces.]

[Timothy approaches a threshold, wider than the last.]

TIMOTHY: Another entrance? What is this place?

[Timothy enters into a small white courtyard with similar intricate carvings. Various bovine head and udder statues line the interior walls. Timothy stops in front of a mural adorning the far courtyard wall. Text inscriptions — identified as Indus script in large font and Sanskrit in small font — are paired with different pictures.]

[The murals depict 25 entities in a five-by-five formation. Each entity is a nude humanoid with iridescent full-body tattoos and malformed serpentine necks. The view blurs, then resolves, now focusing on a featureless placid green face with five intersecting lines on the forehead.]


[Timothy moves to the next wall to the right and stops again. This wall depicts thick black smoke and Thaumaturgical Runes.7 The wall depicts the same group; this time, they migrate into a dark tunnel. Each entity holds baskets on their heads, while smaller serpentine-headed children hug their hips. A single long umbilical cord wraps around each humanoid's shoulder and the body, terminating inside the cave.]

[Distant sloshing. Timothy appears not to notice.]

[Timothy keeps moving, this time taking little care to review the next inscriptions. The camera continues to depict the same group in a sequential line of images, but with increasing body mutations and rendering distortions. A bony placard reads "only skins and never bone" in Indus script and Sanskrit.]

[Rushing liquid dominates the audio. Timothy bolts down a dark tunnel.]

TIMOTHY: Who the fuck is there? I'm armed, stay back.

[Sloshing rises over several sounds.]

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>

<Log continues — 14 minutes forward>


[Heavy static.]

[Footage regains visibility on a cliffside platform; ~30 m wide (estimated) subterranean chambers are below.]

[From a distance, the view zooms into the nearest chamber. Depictions inside the chamber resolve into focus.]

[Inked murals depict humanoid entities in silhouette. Each entity wears golden armor and ornate bronze beryllium.8 The camera pans up toward the top of the area, capturing a fresco on the ceiling, which depicts a large feminine bovine figure with statuesque proportions in the center;9 sharpened bone growths extend from her abdominal region. Below her abdominal, a bloated udder and six teats hang.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>

<Log continues — ??/ERR>

NOTE: Media is incapable of stating time, date, or recording duration. An unknown period of time has passed.


[Timothy walks through a tunnel of flesh.]

TIMOTHY: She looks like Bessie, doesn't she? My cow I mean, back at the ranch.

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling sounds.]

TIMOTHY: She's a good girl! I know she has, you know, a bit of a stereotypical name for a cow and all. But believe me, she's a sweetheart. My old man got her for me when I turned 16 and I've been tending to her for a couple of years now.

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: Say, fella, you got any milk?

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: Or water — I need some fuckin' water. I've been drinking the wall teats, but they're… [He trails off.]


UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: You don't talk much, do you? Huh? Huh?

[Camera pans to left. Visual distortion masks figure.]

TIMOTHY: The fuck kind of look is on your face, anyway?

[A white vestigial appendage rises slowly from the silhouette, pointing. The camera pans up. Humanoid entities encased in foreign red flesh hang from the ceiling. A single large umbilical cord connects them at the neck.]

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: I — I don't understand. Who are they?

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: I mean, you can just — you can just tell me, I don't —

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: I don't — I don't get it. Just tell me.

[Timothy sobs. The camera drops to the floor and rests for several minutes.]

TIMOTHY: [Sniffles.]

[Timothy picks the camera back up. The silhouetted figure is visible at the view's right edge.]

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling and dripping.]

TIMOTHY: Wait, what?

UNKNOWN: [Loud gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: I… I can understand you now. So — hold on, what do you mean? Two groups? Two groups of what?

UNKNOWN: [Gurgling.]

TIMOTHY: So what are they, then? Religious groups, huh? And they're Christians?


TIMOTHY: So a church and a church, but there's no relation. Like Baptists and Mormons. No, uh, wait.

UNKNOWN: [Crackling and popping noises.]

[The camera jerks downward. White, fleshy protrusions foam and rise upward; bubbles and white smoke emit.]

TIMOTHY: Same stars, same eyes. The five and the seven.

UNKNOWN: [Sloshing sounds.]

TIMOTHY: It all makes sense.

[Many layers of adipose fat squeeze out of one another. Grease splatters, and oil slicks onto the camera lens. The camera falls to the ground, pointing up at Timothy. He makes no attempt to retrieve it.]

TIMOTHY: I'm thirsty. Tell me more.

UNKNOWN: [In Timothy's voice; distorted.] I must go to the beginning.

[Dark purple mounds of flesh, resembling colorectal polyps, slowly consume Timothy's body. The ceiling swirls toward a single point and widens into an agape sphincter. It prolapses and slowly ingests Timothy, who exhibits no distress.]

TIMOTHY: What's that… Thing above the center of the ruins?

UNKNOWN: [In Timothy's voice; distorted.] As below, so above. This fleshy domain awaits endless space.

TIMOTHY: And in the dome — what are those star maps?

UNKNOWN: [In Timothy's voice; distorted.] The location of Father Orion.

TIMOTHY: A-at the beginning of our time, Mother Bovine q-q-quenched her children's thirst.

UNKNOWN: [In Timothy's voice; distorted.] Beware the mother that gives, beware the children that take. Hathor gave and gave until her heat decayed. [The voice falters and cracks.] Great starless darkness left in the womb.

[Timothy screams and the ceiling closes again, leaving no trace of the sphincter or his body.]

UNKNOWN: [In a distorted timbre.] The Fifth. Our Hytoth. The Fifth of Hytoth. The Fifth. The —

NOTE: Entity continues to mutter unintelligibly; its speech degrades into a consonant-heavy language. Thirty minutes later, the recording ceases.

<End Log>

Addendum 4475.3


UPDATE — MAY 12, 2033: Osteoporosis rates have increased by 10%. Citizens of India have reported astronomical objects being less visible to the naked eye.

Recent SCP-4475-1 test results have trended toward increasing abnormalities; as such, persons returning from SCP-4475 more frequently reported experiencing the following:

  • Traumatic spiritual experiences;
  • Affliction with memory retention abnormalities, ranging anywhere between permanent amnestic fugue states and hypermnesia;
  • Recall of memories foreign to themselves; or,
  • Recall of memories foreign to humanity.

Due to potential negative repercussions resulting from the execution of SCP-4475-1 en masse, Project GALAXIAS has tentatively ceased all experimentation.

UPDATE — NOVEMBER 19, 2034: At 0137 UTC, the Brennan Thaumometric Satellite detected an unknown electromagnetic pulse (or EMP) with high levels of tachyonic particles and associated Akiva radiation. After triangulating the pulse, astronomers determined that it had originated from the Trapezium Cluster. No known cause has been identified.

UPDATE — AUGUST 14, 2035: Despite ceasing all SCP-4475-1 experimentation two years' prior, significant numbers of dairy ranchers on Earth continue to teleport into SCP-4475. The triggers are increasingly commonplace milking procedures, which lead to escalating milk-based anomalies. Recovered ranchers show significant transfiguration to their skeletal structure.

Efforts to construct autonomous surveillance of SCP-4475's interior and exterior are underway. Discussion on its neutralization is pending.


Just as the threat of the "Land of Milk and Honey" hung over the UIU's head in the 1920s, preternatural dairy and dairy-adjacent threats continue to plague us today.

After Operation: LACTOSE INTOLERANCE and the ensuing battle we waged — and lost — the O5 promoted me as the Director of Project GALAXIAS. From here, I have led us to archive, study, dissect, and perhaps, finally grasp apotheosis. I have seen beyond the stage on which we play our little lives. We are naught but actors — puppets on strings, dancing to the tune of a trillion capsules of milk, suckled by decaying, necrotic gods of sadism, bound to chairs of osteoporotic bone. But no longer.

For the good of humanity, we stand against the Land of Milk and Honey — in whatever permutation it exists.

— Dr. Cassie Báthory, Director of Project GALAXIAS

UPDATE — OCTOBER 12, 2035: Project GALAXIAS has initiated Operation: CRIMSON COWBELL.


▼ RAISA:/files/SCP-4475/TS/crimson_cowbell.md ▼

1. DEPLOYMENT DATE October 12, 2035

2. DEPLOYMENT LOCATION Shakti Chetu Pasteurization and Dairy farm, outskirts of Kanoodar, state of Gujarat, India (123 km NE of Site-36).


  1. ALPHA Specialist Bhupinder Gauri, a Tantrika10 practitioner and former MTF-Zeta-9 ("Mole Rats") attachment.
  2. BETA Specialist Cindy Singh, a trained orthopedic surgeon and medic for MTF-Xi-55 ("Spleen McQueen").
  3. GAMMA Researcher Amanda Watson, a general esotericist on contract with MTF-Gamma-14 ("Red Rustlers").

Each selected personnel possesses Level 4 knowledge of SCP-4475-1's effects — including its danger to human neurology and well-being. Due to Alpha's specialized field and occult knowledge, as well as his high memetic retention and cognitohazardous resistance, he was chosen to lead this mission.


Spc. Cindy Singh outfitting herself in a VISTA-Type suit, sans helmet, gloves, and pressure seal (hover to enlarge).

4. EQUIPMENT CRIMSON COWBELL personnel charged with SCP-4475 exploration have been granted the following equipment and materials:

  • Three pressurized VISTA-Type Extravehicular Mobility Unit support suits, each outfitted with a SCRAMBLE headset11 and 30 hours of oxygen.
  • A single Thaumic Gateway device powered via portable generator — to allow instantaneous communication to and from the Operations Command. Due to its large mass and physical dimensions, the use of a Marlowe Anti-Gravitational Repulsion Sled is essential in allowing simple transportation of the device.
  • The microcomputer processor, hull, and power plant for five autonomous telemetry drones will be deployed alongside the CRIMSON COWBELL team.

Between September 22 and October 10, Project GALAXIAS manned 28 excursions into SCP-4475 with the sole purpose of plotting a route into the lower bound of one of its 200 m long teats. Each associated rancher readily pledged under a Foundation-authorized geas12 to fulfill their duty. This allowed them to better map a navigable route through the teat before the onset of memetihazardous effects and/or inexplicable SCP-4475-1 teleportation back.

5. MISSION DESCRIPTION Undergo a direct and extensive study of the interior and exterior of SCP-4475 and its surroundings for future physical containment. This is to facilitate sister operation FOR WHOM THE COWBELL TOLLS, designed to enact said containment with extreme prejudice under threat of neutralization.



At around 0507 hours (UTC+5:30), the team completed SCP-4475-1 and disappeared.

At 0520 hours, COMMAND confirmed visualization of SCP-4475's interior through all three feeds.

At 0533 hours, the team met at a designated rendezvous point. GAMMA parked the Repulsion sled in an open chamber and programmed the Thaumic Gateway to open periodically and transmit the team's collected data. The team activated and released the telemetry drones, which dispersed. One drone flew down a path leading to the chosen teat, and the team followed far behind.

The team traveled down a long subterranean biological tunnel, next to a temple structure like that seen in Recovery Log 4475.2.

At 0704 hours, ALPHA reported hearing distant bovine vocalization and ordered the team to a halt. After perceiving no threat, they reconvened — with ALPHA at the lead — and traveled unabated for 3 hours.

At 1021 hours, ALPHA reached the teat's upper span, discovering the lifeless body of a ranch-hand; their ID tags identified them as one Darien Meyer. COMMAND claimed that Meyer exited SCP-4475 one month ago and was presently employed by the Foundation with Class-E personnel classification. ALPHA continued.

At 1025 hours, BETA discovered an enamel statue of a feminine humanoid entity with bovine characteristics. BETA noticed warped holes resembling those found in osteoporosis patients. She scraped off a sample of pink residue, revealing porous bone marrow beneath.

While taking the sample, the tunnel's muscle-lined walls contracted and constricted. BETA hastened her sample collection. At once, the flesh ruptured, from which acidic stomach fluid, pus, blood, and milk flooded the chamber. In a panic, the team jumped into a nearby crevasse, falling an estimated 20 meters onto a soft-padded biological chamber floor.

After a brief respite, ALPHA noticed GAMMA's VISTA-Type suit slumped over and still. Upon closer inspection, the helmets' glass view-visor appeared shattered, and GAMMA's body was not found within. ALPHA marked her as Missing In Action, but BETA's biometric radar indicated that GAMMA now existed in two separate locations — 5 m behind and 6 m beneath them, simultaneously.

COMMAND confirmed the signals matched a 99.6% biometric reading of GAMMA and reported the irregularity to the Director of Project GALAXIAS. Awaiting a response, COMMAND ordered the team to remain in place.

Around 1031 hours, the headset of each "GAMMA" instance activated, vocalizing: "DISAVOWED DEATH FORBIDDEN."

ALPHA noticed a star-shaped crevice glowing neon pink, illuminating the crevasse beneath. Against COMMAND's order and in an attempt to aid the "correct" GAMMA, ALPHA escaped into the hole. In an audio communication with BETA, he described feeling symptoms of dizziness and dehydration and ordered her to follow him. She denied, remaining with GAMMA's vacant suit, where she stayed for the rest of the operation.

At 1034 hours, ALPHA's visual relay depicted a struggle as he fell quickly through a translucent milk flow.

At around 1035 hours, the Director of Project GALAXIAS responded, ordering COMMAND to hasten the operation. An argument erupted in the COMMAND control room over whether they should halt the operation prematurely.

Soon after, large amounts of milk flooded into the control room from an unknown source. ALPHA's vitals were detected at the back of the operations theater, contradicting his presence within SCP-4475. COMMAND dispatched an armed security team to investigate.

Other personnel — who were attempting to escape — discovered that all egress doors had been pasted shut with a curdled milk substance. COMMAND alerted local emergency Mobile Task Force at once.

At 1038 hours, ALPHA ejected through the teat cistern into the vacuum of space at 14 m/s. Despite his velocity, ALPHA jolted to a stop, 1.6 km from SCP-4475. His footage depicted the two distant stars Orionis A and B in his periphery, as well as a hereto accounted for stellar abnormality ahead. The abnormality — presumed to be the aforementioned supermassive gravitational anomaly at the center of the cluster — emitted jets of EM radiation in each cardinal direction.


1038 hours — A corrupted image captured by Spc. Bhupinder Gauri's body camera (hover to enlarge).

ALPHA made note of a large number of deceased human and proto-human organisms in the vicinity of SCP-4475. Autonomous optical monitoring via nearby telemetry drone detected around 450,000 total entities.

At 1045 hours, ALPHA's in-suit sensor suite detected a space-time abnormality and subsequent burst of directed electromagnetic field (or EMF) radiation. The EMF energy, focused in a wide multi-colored beam filling his entire view, traveled at ~3 AU per second in his direction — around 1,500 times the speed of light.

20 seconds later, the EMF beam enveloped SCP-4475, and ALPHA and BETA's telecommunications — as well as all five drones — went offline.

At 1046 hours, the emergency MTF arrived at the building and struggled to force open the front egress door. Personnel suffocated as the flow of milk in the observation theater reached a height of ~3 meters.

Eventually, the MTF breached the lobby, through which several hundred liters of milk escaped. Altogether, 12 personnel were found deceased, trapped within the main observation theater.

AFTER ACTION REPORT While assessing CRIMSON COWBELL and the events therein, COMMAND discovered that at 1045 hours, every electronic device in both the operations theater and SCP&D farm had received an identical foreign transmission. As translated from base-2 numerals, the message reads: "SAFE AND SOUND."

As well, analysts reviewed ALPHA's final transmission and reached a consensus on the sequence of events. It is now believed that due to an unknown spatiotemporal event, the directed EMF radiation caused the aforementioned electromagnetic anomaly detected on November 19, 2034 — some 327 days prior.

After evacuating the observation theater, security personnel detained the apparent duplicate of ALPHA and inspected it for abnormalities. No superficial anomalies were detected. The subject leaked milk and smiled.

UPDATE — OCTOBER 13, 2035: In the wake of Operation: CRIMSON COWBELL, no further SCP-4475-1 teleportation appears functional. With no known means of accessing SCP-4475 and a current lack of efficient superluminal transportation, all further SCP-4475 study has been placed under indefinite hiatus.

The captured ALPHA duplicate (designated SCP-4475-A) relayed the following message to Project GALAXIAS personnel in written Ortothan Extraterrestrial Language (or OEL):








At present, SCP-4475-A has been placed in Class-II (Limited Containment) custody. An investigation into known Fifthist and Church of the Second Hytoth sects for information relating to the "Fifth Church of Hytoth" is now underway.

UPDATE — OCTOBER 19, 2035: An autonomous probe operated by Simurgh.aic discovered a large bovine organism — similar in appearance to SCP-4475 — traveling through the Kuiper belt on a vector toward the inner solar system.

In co-operation with the Solar System Oversight Department, Project GALAXIAS is taking preventive measures and has moved in to investigate.

page revision: 26, last edited: 30 Jun 2019 09:09
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