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nn5n: scp-4650 A Modern Problem
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Item #: SCP-4650

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4650 is to be contained in a standard object containment chamber. The door to the chamber can be unlocked by personnel Class 4 or higher. The key in SCP-4650's back is to remain constantly turned to the 5th setting. In the event that SCP-4650's key is turned or falls out, one D-Class personnel must be sent into the chamber by supervisors to reset the key. No electronic equipment aside from lights and recording devices are to be allowed within a 20-meter radius of SCP-4650. Tests involving SCP-4650 must be approved by personnel Class 4 or higher.

Description: SCP-4650 appears to be a generic garden gnome, measuring 0.3 m tall. Testing shows that it is composed mostly of clay, with trace amounts of lead. SCP-4650 shows minor signs of age, such as chipped and faded paint on numerous areas of its surface. It possesses a small speaker, a microphone, and a keyhole on its back. The speaker is of poor quality: the gain makes it difficult to comprehend what SCP-4650 is trying to say, especially at higher volumes. Occasionally, the speaker will emit static noise for no reason; this is presumed to be an electronic fault and not an intentional feature. SCP-4650 also seems to be capable of sight, but does not possess any cameras.

SCP-4650 is sentient and frequently attempts to converse with personnel, which it does using its speaker. It speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and will often insult and shout expletives at personnel, or to express its desire to escape containment. It is easily agitated, and usually refuses to speak about meaningful topics unless given incentive.

SCP-4650 possesses the ability to fully control all electronics within a 20-meter radius of itself. This phenomenon bypasses any security systems that are in place on targeted electronics. It often uses this ability to annoy or irritate personnel, usually by flickering lights or broadcasting loud noises over nearby speakers. It has yet to use this ability for anything other than practical jokes, but claims it is capable of compromising secure Foundation servers. This has yet to be proven in testing.

SCP-4650's primary method of control is in the form of a keyhole on its back. The keyhole has five settings that it can be turned to, each affecting SCP-4650 differently. If the key is removed from the hole, it will remain on the current setting for 48 hours before switching back to the 1st setting. Leaving the key in the hole will suspend SCP-4650 in its current state indefinitely.

Setting Effect
1 SCP-4650 operates normally.
2 SCP-4650 is deafened.
3 SCP-4650 is muted.
4 SCP-4650's electronic ability is disabled.
5 SCP-4650 is muted and its electronic ability is disabled. Upon turning the key to this setting, the key cannot be turned for 24 hours.

Addendum 4650-A: Discovery
SCP-4650 was discovered next to a gas station pump by Dr. Harold as he was driving to Site-75 on 08/13/16. Upon inspecting the object, he discovered the key in the back of the object inserted into the keyhole, and removed it. Because the key was turned to the 5th setting, Dr. Harold was unaware of its anomalous properties and decided to use it as a decoration for his office. After arriving, Dr. Harold stored the key in his desk and continued with his daily routine. 48 hours later, SCP-4650 reset to its 1st setting while Dr. Harold was working in his office. The following is a video log of the resulting incident.


Log is shot from a security camera in Dr. Harold's office. The camera is positioned above the desk so that the computer screen is visible. Dr. Harold is working at his computer, with headphones on. SCP-4650 is positioned in the opposite corner of the office.

SCP-4650: Hey you, you with the glasses. Ya mind taking me out of here?

Dr. Harold: (Momentarily looks up from computer) Did someone say something?

SCP-4650: Yeah, it was me, down here. Pick me up, so I can talk to you, mate?

Dr. Harold: Johnny, I know it's you. I've got enough work as it is, so just leave me alone.

SCP-4650: (Slightly agitated) Listen ya cunt, my name's not Johnny. I'm down here, in the corner. I'm trying to talk to you.

Dr. Harold continues to work at his computer. He does not look up from the monitor or take off his headphones.

SCP-4650: (Increasingly agitated) You pick me up and ya take me to this fucking bunker, least you could do is actually put me back at the gas station.

Dr. Harold: (Takes off headphones, pauses) I could've sworn that just came from the gnome…

Transcriber's Note: Beyond this point, SCP-4650's speech becomes nearly unrecognizable due to distortion and the volume at which it is speaking. The transcription may not be entirely accurate.


SCP-4650's rant continues for some time. Dr. Harold, while watching it, slowly picks up his phone and begins to call for site security. As he is dialing the number, SCP-4650 notices he is holding the phone.


A high-pitched squealing is emits from the receiver of the phone. Dr. Harold drops the receiver in pain covers his ears.

Dr. Harold: Agh, fuck, my ears!


Dr. Harold: Wait, did you just do that?


The lights in the office begin to switch on and off repeatedly. The squealing from Dr. Harold's phone increases in volume, and his computer begins to open pornographic links on its own.

Dr. Harold: That's it, I'm taking you to security myself.


Dr. Harold picks up SCP-4650 and carries it to the site security post. The lights in the hallway begin to strobe rapidly as SCP-4650 is carried out of the room. SCP-4650's obscene rant can still be heard broadcasting over the site's PA system after Dr. Harold leaves the camera's view.


Note: After Dr. Harold arrived at security, SCP-4650 was thrown into a containment locker where it continued to shout obscenities and tampered with lights, until Dr. Harold used its key to stop it. SCP-4650's containment chamber and procedures were established shortly after.

Addendum 4650-B: Interview
Some time after its initial containment, an interview was conducted with SCP-4650 with the purpose of gaining some insight to its past. To encourage SCP-4650 to speak calmly with the interviewer, it was offered daily time to converse freely with personnel. The following is an audio log of the interview.


Dr. Newman: Alright, let's begin. Are you ready?

SCP-4650: Yeah, sure.

Dr. Newman: Great. To start off, what's your name?

SCP-4650: (Pauses) Well… (Sighs) Truth is, I don't really remember me name.

Dr. Newman: Go on.

SCP-4650: I don't really remember much about me life, really. I get little bits and pieces, but it's like it was all a dream or something. I know it happened, but I just can't grasp it for me life.

Dr. Newman: You used to be human?

SCP-4650: For sure. I don't know too many details, but I still remember having arms and all that.

Dr. Newman: Is there anything you can remember at from when you were human? Anything detailed at all?

SCP-4650: I remember my last night as a human. I went out for drinks with me mates at a pub near my flats. I can't really remember their names, or what any of them were like, but I remember going out for drinks.

Dr. Newman: Go on.

SCP-4650: I had a little- actually, scratch that, way too much to drink. I couldn't really stand. I remember feeling really down about something, and I just kept on drinking. Me mates managed to carry me back to my flats, but they just left me at the front of the building.

Dr. Newman: Sounds like some pretty shitty friends.

SCP-4650: Yeah. I don't remember anything else beyond that, I just blacked out. When I finally woke up, I was in this clay body and this man kept talking to me. Anyways, that's how-

Dr. Newman: Wait, tell me more about that man. What did he look like?

SCP-4650: (Slightly Agitated) Him? Since when was this interview about that cunt? I gave you blokes what you wanted, now let me-

Dr. Newman: SCP-4650, remember that if you refuse to cooperate, your end of the deal will not be held up.

SCP-4650: (Calmer) Sorry, sorry. Won't happen again.

Dr. Newman: As I was saying, can you tell me more about that man? What did he look like?

SCP-4650: He was a tall guy, 'bout 6 feet. He had a beard, and always wore this ratty looking old-style button up jacket. He was covered in grease, looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks. I couldn't smell him thankfully, because… well… ya know.

Dr. Newman: What else can you tell me about him?

SCP-4650: When I woke up and asked where I was, he got real excited and kept saying 'It works, it works!'. I kept asking where I was, or what was going on, but he never answered me. Cunt never even told me his name. After a few minutes he started asking me do to stupid shit, like turning on the lights or changing the station on an old radio. This was when I figured out I could control them.

Dr. Newman: What did you do next?

SCP-4650: (Chuckles) I fucking flipped on him. I started cursin' him out, turning the lights on and off real fast, demanding answers and everything. He got angry and told me that I was supposed to listen to him, then he stuck the key in me back. After that I couldn't talk or control the lights anymore.

Dr. Newman: How long did he keep you for?

SCP-4650: (Sighs) He kept me in his apartment for about two weeks, the place was falling apart. Every time he let me talk again, I'd start screaming at him and he'd shut me up. It was awful. After a while he took me out in his car, saying something about how I was a failure and he 'needed to start over'. He threw me on the ground at a gas station with the key still in me back. A few hours later, one of your boys found me and brought me in. That's the entire story.

Dr. Newman: Do you remember where that apartment was?

SCP-4650: I do, actually. I'm pretty sure it was █████ ████████ Street.

Dr. Newman: Thank you, this information will be very helpful for our organization.

SCP-4650: Yeah, it better be.

Dr. Newman: That concludes this interview. We'll be sure to reward you for your cooperation, as promised. I look forward to speaking with you again.

(The sound of Dr. Newman standing up from his chair and walking away is heard.)

SCP-4650: If you catch that wanker, be sure to tell him that I sent ya!


Note: After the interview, as promised, SCP-4650's containment procedures were updated. SCP-4650 was allowed an hour of time every day in which its setting would be changed from the fifth to the fourth, and it could freely converse with researchers. SCP-4650 seems to be more cordial with researchers following the interview, barring Dr. Harold.

Addendum 4650-C: Journal

Following SCP-4650's interview, an MTF team was dispatched to the aforementioned apartment building. The building was completely abandoned, as the company owning it had entered bankruptcy. In one of the apartments, a journal was discovered labeled "The Antiquer's Notes: No.14". The book is believed to have belonged to the individual SCP-4650 described. The following is a transcription of it.

Well, it looks like today I'm starting a new project. As is tradition, I'll start documenting my progress in a new notebook. Maybe if this one does well enough, I'll actually be able to get it onto shelves.

Earlier today, I was at my friend Ralph's house celebrating his birthday, and he had gotten one of those awful Amazon Echoes as a gift from a family member. I'll never fully understand why people buy these things: you're basically bugging your own house, and for what? So you can yell at some robot to turn on your lights, something it'll normally take you 5 seconds to do? Have people really gotten that lazy? I guess it's just another thing on the grievance list of modern technology. All the more reasons for me to continue my work.

Anyways, I tried explaining to him how awful these things were and how they were such a detriment to society. As usual, he didn't agree with me. He kept talking about how convenient it was, or how it made his day so much easier. I swear, sometimes I question my friendship with that guy. Or maybe I just work best alone, I don't know. At this point I had made up my mind; I would have to show him physical proof. I told him that I could make a better and safer alternative to Echo, one without the awful burdens of modern technology. Ralph is vaguely familiar with my work, so it's not like I was letting out a big secret or anything. He told me to go nuts, so here I am.

To start, I'll have to chose an appearance for this thing. One of my biggest gripes with big companies these days is how every design has to be minimalist. There's something intriguing about a nice, sophisticated design to me. Having lots of buttons, tons of switches, it makes me feel like I'm holding something special instead of a shiny brick. That said, I can't make this one that complicated, since this is probably going to be displayed in houses or something. I decided to go with a nice, friendly design, since people will want something that feels human. After some consideration, I finally came to a conclusion: what's friendlier than a jolly old garden gnome? I stole one off someone's lawn a few days ago, so it should make a great basis for a prototype. I'll update this notebook as I make progress.

I've made decent progress on my creation. The gnome was hollow, so there was no need to empty it out. People such as myself will probably want to mute this thing, make it shut up, or anything like that, so I implemented a settings system. It's a key slot on the back of the gnome, which you turn to change settings. It makes you feel like bad-ass, like starting an old sports car only without the engine or the seat or the car and the key fits really loose and you could lose the key Okay, so maybe this key thing wasn't that good of an idea. Well, I already added it on, so I guess I'll have to live with it. I'll just add in a system that makes it reset, in case you lose the key.

I used the speaker and microphone in a rotary phone I tore apart on this thing. Honestly, modern speakers are overrated. All this buzz about high quality audio in music and communication is awful, it just takes away reasons to listen to live concerts or actually talk to people in person. Besides, people 70 years ago used this speaker for talking all the time, I'm sure it'll be great. I've run into an issue with my work, recently. The Echo has an AI thing inside of it called "Alexa" that controls it. I can't really make that with my work, so I guess I'll have to find a more natural alternative. I'm sure I'll think of something eventually.

I haven't bathed in weeks. I know it's unhygienic, but I just get so obsessed with my projects. Maybe I could use this gnome to remind me to bathe once it's finished. I've been steadily updating Ralph with my progress, but he doesn't seem too confident that what I'm making will be an efficient replacement for Echo. I guess that's just to be expected in people at this point, but I'm sure that this prototype will blow him out of the water when it's finished. If this turns out good enough, I might even be able to start selling this thing, and finally get my message out to the people. I guess only time will tell.

I showed Ralph the prototype. He thought it was "interesting", as he put it, but didn't like that it couldn't control his lights and whatnot. I tried to explain how all of that was unnecessary and saved him literally 5 seconds of effort, but I guess that feature is just non-negotiable for him. He just kept on saying, "I need to be able to do this, there's not point to it if I can't." I finally told him that I would implement it, but in a better way. The Echo can only communicate with smart appliances that need a WiFi connection. To that I say fuck WiFi, too many things are dependent on it anyways. My gnome works with any electronic device, and doesn't need any of that shit. Suck my dick, Silicon Valley! This is really coming out to be a revolutionary invention, even for my standards.

Sometimes, I wonder what today would be like if people in the 20th century could use my inventions. Things were simpler back then, you didn't have to worry about being stalked by big tech companies or getting validated by strangers on social media. The only thing that could've been better was the technology, it just hadn't advanced far enough. If we could've just gone a little bit farther back then, we would've been able to reap the benefits of these new innovations without the burdens they bear on us now. I probably sound like some kind of hipster right now, but whatever.

Everything is coming together nicely, and I'm nearing completion of my project. The settings system is working perfectly, the speaker and microphone are rigged, and all the lights and radios I've tested it with passed. The only thing I still have to worry about is that entire controller thing I mentioned before. I might've just come up with a solution, though. I'm going to implement it next week, if everything goes according to plan that is. These past two months are about to pay off.

I messed up. Things did not go the way I expected them to. My plan was to create a copy of someone else's mind and implant it into the gnome, so you could have a fully sentient friend to pass the time with, in addition to an assistant. The issue with this is that I can't exactly do it to myself, and nobody will really want to volunteer to put their mind inside of a gnome. So I drove around looking for drunks to use on Saturday night, and found one passed out in front of some apartments a few miles away. The copying process went perfectly, and the transplant did as well. I had finally finished my creation, and all I had to do was wait for it to wake up.

When it woke up and started talking, I was ecstatic. I didn't even care what it said, all I cared about was that it worked. After I managed to calm myself down, I tried asking it to turn on the lights, or tune the radio. Instead of doing these things, it decided to betray me. It started screaming at me, turning all the lights on and off, and doing all sorts of destructive shit. I had to turn it off to keep it from drawing attention to my apartment, I can't have anyone else finding out about my work before I'm ready. Every time I try to make this thing behave, it just screams at me more and is completely uncooperative. I chose an awful person to copy, and I can't exactly remove him from the gnome either. I don't know what to do from here.

I abandoned the gnome. This project was a failure, nothing but a disappointment. I came so close to achieving something great, but was set back by one awful decision. I haven't experienced a setback this great since the last time I tried working with intelligence, I should probably avoid that in the future. The hardware I developed was perfect, despite my failure. Maybe one day I'll be able to return to this project, but I should focus on other things now. I need to get started on my next project as soon as possible.

I'm about to become homeless. The landlord came up to respond to noise complaints, saw the decrepit the state my apartment was in, and now he's evicting me. He's giving me two days to pack my things and leave. I guess cleaning is another thing I forget to do when working, huh? It's not like this is too big of a loss, though. That shitty apartment complex was about to go under anyways, I was prepared for this. I've already prepared enough food to live on the streets for a month. I'll be able to relocate and continue my work elsewhere, wherever that is. This has been a defeat for me, but I won't let something like this get in the way of accomplishing my goals. Someday, I will change the future for the better.

That day, unfortunately, is not today.

page revision: 8, last edited: 17 Jan 2019 03:06
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