nn5n Foundation
Branch of SCP Foundation
nn5n: scp-3284 Drunk Driving
SafeSCP-3284 Drunk DrivingRate: -1

SCP-3284 prior to containment. This particular instance was taken from the ████████ ████ Bar in ██████, USA.

Item #: SCP-3284

Object Class: Safe.

Special Containment Procedures: Following acquisition, SCP-3284 has been removed from it's original containers and is now to be kept in a total of seventeen individual, padlocked, one-liter thermoses. Aforementioned thermoses are to be kept in standard secure lock boxes at Site-23. All testing involving SCP-3284 to be done either at the crash site on grounds, or the high-velocity impact chamber of Site-18.

For the purpose of general testing, 15 Cm3 of SCP-3284 is to be orally consumed and experimentation should be carried out within 4 hours of consumption. Due to the unpredictable nature of the severity of SCP-3284's effect, testing on D-Class younger than 16 years of age is forbidden without the approval of both the Site Director Chase Dublin and Head Researcher Jezebel Alvaro.

Description: SCP-3284 is 16.63 litres of vodka. Laboratory testing has shown the chemical composition of SCP-3284 to be identical to that of mundane vodka of similar brew. Double blind tests have indicated that there are no qualities, detectable by humans, that differentiate SCP-3284 from mundane vodka, aside from its anomalous effect.

SCP-3284’s anomalous effect manifest when an individual consumes at least 40 Ml of it, orally or otherwise, then proceeds to operate a motorised vehicle of any kind.1 If the subject initiates forward motion in the aforementioned vehicle, they and the vehicle will be spontaneously propelled forward at speeds no less than 140 Kph.2 The subject and the vehicle will continue to move at a constant speed, in a straight line, in spite of attempts by the subject to adjust speed or direction. This effect ceases only when the vehicle has collided with another object of greater mass than that of the combined subject and vehicle.

This effect often results in severe injury or death of the subject from either blunt force trauma experienced on impact or complications during medical treatment of their wounds. It is suspected that injuries sustained under the influence of SCP-3284 present a slightly lower survivability than non-anomalous accidents of similar physical circumstances, however, this differentiation is too minute to be considered a secondary anomalous effect.

The speed at which a respective vehicle moves forward has been found to maintain some form of inverse correlation to the age of the subject which consumes SCP-3284. Subjects of 70 years often initiate speeds of about 180 Kph, while subjects of 30 years initiating speeds of about 340 Kph.

SCP-3284 was discovered in ██████, USA, following an investigation into a total of ██ medical reports wherein patients had suffered multitudes of injuries from car crashes that reportedly took place before they had left the parking lot. Interviews with the surviving █ patients revealed that they had all been drinking at one of three local pubs on the night of the crash. Class-B amnestic were administered to all relevant individuals and public record was altered to reflect the likeness of a string of regular car accidents among local youths.

The trio establishments, as well as their stock, were all thoroughly investigated for anomalous properties. During this investigation, approximately one in six bottles of what was supposedly vodka was discovered to be anomalous. The anomalous liquor was designated SCP-3284 and the current containment procedures were put in place.

The vodka was traced back to ████████ ███ ████ Ltd, a shipping and logistics company that had been responsible for the delivery of all three stores' stock of vodka. An investigation into a warehouse where the stock had been in transit revealed a readied shipment containing several instances of SCP-3284. The shipment appeared to have been tampered with, suggesting that an individual had swapped out the mundane goods for identically packaged instances of SCP-3284. After thorough investigation, the likely suspect of this insertion was deduced to be one Mr. Herald McKinney, ██ year employee of ████████ ███ ████ Ltd.

A raid on Herald McKinney's apartment on ██/██/████ revealed that he had recently evacuated to a currently unknown location. Among Herald McKinney's abandoned belongings, several more bottles of SCP-3284 were discovered, along with a brief statement, believed to be intended to address the authority that would eventually infiltrate his home. [See Addendum 3284.01.]

Addendum 3284.01:

Dear, LAPD FBI Whatever Government Asshole Finds This.

Right, look. First off. I'm gone. Don't try and find me cause by the time you read this I'll be sipping margaritas in Ant-fucking-arctica. Second, it'd make everything a hell of alot easier if you don't go and try looking for where I got the shit I swapped out for the hooch, alright? You're can try, but I'd prefer if you didn't waste any more of taxpayers money on a wild goose chase. Third, and finally, I will answer the big question; Why? Well, that's simple. We, people, the human race are pretty damn incapable of doing what we should. As in, when you tell a person: Don't Do That, you have only done as much to stop them as you have to encourage them. This is because of what a man more educated than myself might call an Innate Disposition to Rebellion. Now, as a man not as educated as that, I haven't the first idea what bit of our brain makes us more inclined to do stupid shit but I do know that there is a damn simple solution.

You gotta give them something they'll never forget. Show them something so fucking extreme that the instinct to do something idiotic has been overcome by the fear of such a consequence.

See, I lived enough years on this earth to know that the only thing that only stronger motivation than: "I wanna be just like XXX!" is "Aw shit, I don't wanna end up like XXX!". This town's got a whole lot a motivation now. And they may have been able to ignore it when every month or so a 40-year-old drunk snaps his neck on the highway. But when a few dozen kids fire outta the lot like cannon balls? That's tough to ignore. So if you were hoping I was some kinda anarchist then I am terribly sorry, but I love humanity. I love every man, women and child on this earth and if it means taking a few out to pasture to save the rest. Well, that's just the way it is.

I hope you all keep safe. And God bless you.

- H. McKinney

The invasive nature of SCP-3284's inclusion into stores of regular stock and the contents of Herald McKinney's final address have led The Foundation to believe that SCP-3284 was created, or at least deployed, with malicious intent by Herald McKinney. Mr. McKinney has been designated as a low-level person of interest and is to be immediately apprehended, following an ongoing investigation into his whereabouts.

page revision: 4, last edited: 19 Jul 2017 02:46
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