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nn5n: scp-3307 Cornucopi-ass
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SCP-3307

Item #: SCP-3307

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3307 is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell, currently in Site-17. The containment chamber for SCP-3307 is modified to allow for transport and disposal of produced materials through a garbage chute installed on a wall. In order to limit production of unwanted materials, personnel are to avoid line-of-sight with SCP-3307 when outside of a testing environment. If transportation is necessary, SCP-3307 must be rendered unconscious, or otherwise made unable to detect the presence of any personnel interacting with it. Food items produced by SCP-3307 outside of a testing environment are to be confiscated and destroyed immediately.

Description: SCP-3307, formerly known as Agent J. ███████, is a human male roughly 32 years of age. SCP-3307 has no abnormal outward characteristics, and is physically healthy. However, when in the presence of any other human1, SCP-3307 will begin to produce food or drink inside its body, which is expelled by vomiting or defecation. This food forms in the stomach via an unknown process, and travels up the esophagus, or down the intestines, depending on the type of material created. This process does not cause SCP-3307 any physical distress, as SCP-3307's internal organs appear to be able to expand to allow harmless transport of materials, but can cause significant psychological distress, as SCP-3307 experiences trouble breathing while expelling food through the mouth. Since recovery, SCP-3307 has not felt the need to eat, and has been unable to stomach any food it has been given.

Food items produced by SCP-3307 are edible, and have roughly the same nutritional value as a normal food item would. SCP-3307 is able to produce virtually any food, or combination of foods; the type of food or drink created appears to depend on the individual SCP-3307 has been exposed to, and is almost always identified by the individual as a 'comfort food' or 'favorite food'. Solid food items are expelled through the mouth, or anus in some instances. Liquid food items are most often expelled in a manner similar to urination. Due to the method by which food and drink items are produced, most individuals report feeling disgusted by the process, and will not willingly consume produced items. If exposed to multiple individuals at the same time, food production will begin in order of which individual was perceived first.

SCP-3307 was recovered following a field mission on 11/23/██2 during which ██ members of MTF Theta-90 ("Angle Grinders") were exposed to a Class 2 spatial anomaly. Agent J. ███████ was, for approximately 30 minutes, missing in action, having reportedly lost contact with the rest of his team after being pulled into the spatial anomaly. Following this, Agent ███████ was ejected, unharmed, along with what appears to be a decorative plastic cornucopia, which has since been confiscated. After recovery of Agent ███████, and subsequent discovery of anomalous effects, Agent ███████ was designated SCP-3307, and contained.

Date: 3/13/██

Personnel Tested: D-14892 and D-14873

Note: D-14892 was equipped with a cellular phone modified to only receive text messages from Dr. Reynard, who was observing via security camera placed in SCP-3307's containment chamber. SCP-3307 was initially unwilling to cooperate, and suffered mild psychological distress during and following the interview.


<Begin Log>

(D-14892 and 14873 enter SCP-3307's containment chamber. SCP-3307 is sitting at a table, with two plates, two glasses, and cutlery. SCP-3307 has closed its eyes, and covered its ears.)

D-14873: So… are we having lunch? Who's this guy?

D-14892: Beats me, I didn't see any- (a message is delivered to D-14892.) Hold on, they're sending me something.

(The message reads: Approach SCP-3307. Make sure it hears you. D-14892 conveys this message to D-14873.)

D-14873: Okay then? (Loudly) Hey, you hear us?

SCP-3307: (Shaking its head.) Shit. God fucking d- (SCP-3307 begins to dry heave. D- 14892 and 14873 back away quickly.)

D-14892: What the fuck?! Are you okay, man?

SCP-3307: No, you fucking jackasses, I'm- (SCP-3307 expels a small amount of mashed potatoes onto one of the plates, and begins to leak gravy from its nostrils. Both of these are extremely runny, due to coming in contact with saliva and mucous from SCP-3307.)

D-14873: Oh god, what the hell?! What is that shit?

SCP-3307: (Continues to expel mashed potatoes for one minute, before abruptly straightening up.) Mashed fucking potatoes. (Points angrily to D-14873.) This is your goddamn favorite food. What else?

D-14873: What are you talking ab-

SCP-3307: (Loudly) What else is your favorite food? I can feel it- (SCP-3307 straightens up again.)

D-14873: …My grandma used to make me mashed potatoes, and we'd have them with chicken legs-

(SCP-3307 begins to defecate two fried chicken legs, taking roughly one minute to complete. Following this, it places the chicken legs on the same plate as the mashed potatoes.)

D-14892: (Yelling) What the fuck!? Let us out of here!

D-14873: (Pounds on the door.) What the fuck did you put us in here with?!

Dr. Reynard (Via text message): Please remain calm. Return to the table and wait until SCP-3307 has finished expelling food.

SCP-3307: (Expels cherry cola into the first glass, and gestures to D-14892.) Alright, you're next. Let's just get this over with. What is it?

D-14892: C-cookie cake and beer?

SCP-3307: This isn't going to end well. (Begins to dry heave.)

D-14892: Oh, fuck no!

(Over the course of the next three minutes, SCP-3307 vomits a large slice of cookie cake, which is crumpled, and covered with icing, and produces beer from its nose. These are placed onto the other plate, and into the second cup, respectively. D-14892 and 14873 begin to panic, but calm down once the process has completed. There is a short pause.)

D-14873: What the fuck happened to you?

SCP-3307: (Gestures to the food items on the plates.) Whenever I see or hear someone, this happens. Bon fucking appetit.

D-14892: Why? That's fucked up.

SCP-3307: I was on a mission, and I slipped up. Ended up falling into some kind of… Rip in space. Few minutes later, here I am. No idea how this happened. All I remember is seeing… something. In some sort of fucked up, alien way, I think it meant to give us some sort of gift. Happy Thanksgiving, I guess.

(There is a pause.)

D-14873: They don't expect us to eat this shit, do they?

<End Log>

Afterword: Following this, D-14892 and D-14873 were allowed to leave the containment chamber. Both were emotionally distressed, and were suspicious of any food given to them for roughly two days. Further interviews regarding SCP-3307's perception of its intended purpose may take place in the future. Food items created during the duration of this test were disposed of by use of the garbage chute.

page revision: 10, last edited: 05 Aug 2017 05:06
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