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nn5n: scp-3413 Irwin Shrugged
EuclidSCP-3413 Irwin ShruggedRate: 94
SCP-3413
sunbear.JPG

Still taken from fourth SCP-3413 video.

Item #: SCP-3413

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3413 is to be monitored by the Foundation webcrawler program I/O Kiwi. Any uploads will automatically be saved to a secured Foundation server and deleted from the channel. Downloaded episodes are to be immediately reviewed by containment specialists. Individuals expressing the belief that any information in an SCP-3413 video was not always true are to be detained and interviewed. Non-Foundation personnel are to be administered a Class-B amnestic following interview.

Description: SCP-3413 is a channel on the video-sharing website YouTube titled "Safari Dave's Wild World!!". The majority of videos are done in the style of a wildlife documentary, narrated by "Safari Dave", referred to as SCP-3413-A. Each episode focuses on a different animal.

SCP-3413-A is a human male of average build, approximately 50-60 years of age. He appears in clothes typical of an Amazonian safari, and speaks with an exaggerated Australian accent. As the host of SCP-3413, it provides information regarding the featured animal- including habitat, diet, and methods of survival within their own ecosystem. The majority of this information is accurate, however, occasional episodes include falsified or otherwise incorrect statements.

Thirty minutes after uploading a video to SCP-3413, any incorrect statement contained within the video will become true. Records, memories, and the animals themselves will be retroactively altered as if the statement had not been in error. Only the memories of those who have watched the episode prior to this alteration will be unaffected.

SCP-3413 was discovered after various personnel in Foundation zoological divisions noted perceived discrepancies between reality and their memories of reality, primarily concerning the spelling of "giraffe". Several researchers, including one specializing in ungulates, reported that the correct spelling was "girraffe". The affected personnel were referred to psychological counselling and interrogated. It was discovered that Chief Researcher ██████ had encountered SCP-3413 after it was shown to him by a close family member, and he in turn had shared it with several members of his department. SCP-3413 was quickly contained.

Attached are summaries of the content of SCP-3413's videos, including a partial transcript of the "Q&A special".

Title: TROUBLE IN THE WATER!! CROCODILES!!

Summary: SCP-3413-A talks about a wide variety of crocodiles from across the globe, focusing on the crushing strength of their jaws and in one segment imitating the sounds that "you would probably make if you were trapped in the jaws of a crocodile", which goes on for several minutes.

Claimed Errors: The video states the common saltwater crocodile can grow to sizes over 7 meters in length and weigh over 1,000 kg. Affected persons claim that this is significantly larger than any known crocodile, which tend to be 20-30 cm in length.

Title: LARGE AND IN CHARGE!! GIRAFFES!!

Summary: SCP-3413-A describes the African giraffe, focusing on its incredible size and informing the viewer it would "probably crush you to death" if it stepped on them. Much of the runtime observes giraffes eating leaves with no additional commentary.

Claimed Errors: The video title refers to animals in the genus Giraffa as "giraffes". According to affected persons, the correct spelling is "girraffes", and all previous text documentation of girraffes has been altered to reflect this new spelling. For the sake of convenience, Foundation personnel are to use the generally accepted spelling outside of this article.

Title: NATURE'S DEADLIEST PREDATOR!? CHEETAHS!!

Summary: SCP-3413-A describes a variety of cheetah species, focusing on their elegance when attacking prey. The video features an 11-minute long, unbroken segment in which SCP-3413-A observes two cheetahs devouring an antelope. The camera angle causes the back of SCP-3413-A's head and torso to obscure the feeding from view for the entirety of the sequence. SCP-3413-A is silent during the feeding except for occasional exclamations of "Would you look at that!" and "Crikey!". The video ends without credits.

Claimed Errors: SCP-3413-A describes cheetahs as being able to run at excess of 96.5 km/h. According to affected persons, the speed of an adult cheetah does not exceed that of an average human.

Notes: SCP-3413-A begins the video with a joke, asking "Why can't you play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!". At least one Africa-based SCP containment site complained about their monthly poker night being cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances involving [DATA EXPUNGED].

Title: I FOUND BALOO!! SUN BEARS!!

Summary: The video centers around the Malaysian sun bear, also known as the "honey bear". Sun bears are found in tropical forest habitats in Southeast Asia. They are smaller than any other bear species, highly aggressive when startled, and are famous for their tongues (which can grow up to 20-25 cm long). Their heads are unusually broad and heavy in proportion to their body, and their morphology indicates adaptation for extensive climbing.

Claimed Errors: According to affected persons, the animal does not exist.

Title: TROBLE (sic) IN THE WATER!! CROCODILES!!

Summary: The video appears to be an earlier version of the first video. There is significantly less editing and the sound is poorly mixed, making it difficult to discern SCP-3413-A's dialogue. The most prominent difference between this iteration and the finished product is the presence of audio between SCP-3413-A and an unknown party, which continues after the video cuts to black. The following is a transcript of the additional audio.

<Begin Log>

SCP-3413-A: Was that good? I thought that one was really good.

Unknown: You can drop the accent, dude. We're done.

SCP-3413-A: (The rest of SCP-3413-A's speech has a noticeable Midwestern accent) Oh! Sorry. You kind of get used to doing the voice. (Laughter)

Unknown: Yeah, yeah. Listen, Dave. Can I level with you for a second?

SCP-3413-A: Go ahead and shoot. Well, not literally! (Weak laughter)

Unknown: All the stuff you said about the crocodiles, like, you said there are crocodiles that are 20 feet long. You know none of that is true, right?

SCP-3413-A: What the hell are you talking about? You saw them yourself, they were huge!

Unknown: I know I saw- look, it's just… I used to live in Florida, before (Unintelligible) didn't look like that. They were like, salamander-sized. You'd wake up in the morning and there would be gators scurrying around in the bathroom. I thought that you were, like, showing off weird mutant crocodiles that grew super big off radiation or something, but then you said that they were all that big. That's just not true.

SCP-3413-A: You're just not remembering it right! I know how big crocodiles are. You saw how big they were. My son, he used to draw them all the time, I remember-

Unknown: This isn't about your kid! Sarah told you, (Unintelligible) you, I told you. Your son is wrong. Sarah's a veterinarian, for Christ's sake. Your son doesn't know more about animals than her.

SCP-3413-A: You've never even met him. He's a genius.

Unknown: You've barely- how long has it been since you even talked to him? Why don't you call him up right now and ask him if sun bears are real?

(Silence)

Unknown: Like, how old was he when (Unintelligible) like six, right? Maybe he changed his mind.

SCP-3413-A: He's a genius. He knows everything about animals. He's going to run a zoo when he grows up-

Unknown: When he grows up? Do you realize how long ago that was? He's probably got his own kids by now.

SCP-3413-A: You'll see. You haven't seen the sun bears yet. My son loves the bears. He'll know exactly what they are when he sees them. He-

(The video ends)

Title: LIVE Q&A WITH SAFARI DAVE!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Summary: This video was a livestream, featuring SCP-3413-A sitting in front of a desk in a middle-class apartment, in which he outlines his plans for the channel, expresses exhilaration that his series has "been so successful", and briefly answers questions submitted in chat. The only viewers were Foundation personnel member [REDACTED], username "lionlover09", and zoological research team member [REDACTED], username "armlessTiger"

<Begin Log>

SCP-3413-A: Alright, blokes and sheilas! It's time to answer some of your questions! I don't have a lot of time today, but I know a lot of you have been wanting to get some answers out of ol' Safari Dave, so here's your chance!

lionlover09: where do you live

SCP-3413-A: lionlover09 says, "Where do you live?" Ah, that's a great question, but I'm afraid I can't answer that. I have to protect me and my mates' privacy!

armlessTiger: Can you tell us more about yourself?

SCP-3413-A: armlessTiger says, "Can you tell us more about yourself?" Well, there isn't a lot to say. This isn't a show about Safari Dave, it's a show about the animals!

lionlover09: why do u make these vids

SCP-3413-A: lionlover09 says, "Why do you make these 'vids'?" Well… does anyone in here remember Steve Irwin? He might have been before your time. Steve Irwin was just about the coolest guy who ever lived. He was the Crocodile Hunter! My son used to watch the Crocodile Hunter whenever it was on. I could hardly pull the little anklebiter away from the TV! He loved it so much. Mr. Irwin may be no longer with us, but I thought… maybe I could do that, you know? It would make my son happy. And now, here we are! So many fans, so much love.

lionlover09: why do u lie

SCP-3413-A: Oh, it's lionlover again. Curious little tyke, ain't ya? "Why do you l-" Oh, oh no, I'm sorry. I don't lie. I just make mistakes. I just… even great adventurers like Safari Dave don't know everything about animals. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. I'm sorry. I tend to forget. I mix it up. I mix up so many things now. But the kids always know when I slip up. My son, he knows everything about animals.

armlessTiger: Where did you get your information on the sun bears?

SCP-3413-A: armlessTiger says, "Where did you get your information on the sun bears?" That's easy! I got all my research from my son! He's a genius when it comes to animals, he knew everything about sun bears. He even knew about sun bears before there were sun bears at all! They're his favorite animal. He used to draw them all the time, and they were the most curious looking creatures you ever saw!

armlessTiger: Can you tell us more about your son?

SCP-3413-A: "Can you tell us more about your son?" I- I don't even know where to begin. He's the light of my life. He loves animals. He drew all the time, he'd watch the Crocodile Hunter and then he'd be drawing crocodiles or panthers or whatever it was on the TV. He'd do it for hours. He'd draw the craziest critters, things that looked so wild you couldn't believe they existed at all, and then he'd go "Dad, it's a sun bear." Can you believe it? All of this is because of him.

lionlover09: where is ur son

SCP-3413-A: "Where is-" Oh. Well. He's not here. He's with his mom. But I know he's doing fine. He's probably studying animals, or building zoos, or doing something so amazing that we don't even have a word for it yet! That's the kind of kid he is. He's going places.

armlessTiger: Can you tell us where your son lives?

SCP-3413-A: I'm sorry. I really shouldn't be talking about this anymore. I mean, hey, this is Safari Dave's Wild World! We're all about the animals here. Anybody have any suggestions for animals they want to see Safari Dave tackle next?

(SCP-3413-A waited twenty minutes for additional questions before finally exiting the livestream)

Addendum: Most videos end with a brief credits sequence. Investigation into the names shown revealed that most did not correspond to real individuals. Lester █████, identified as being "camera crew" on the fourth video, was traced to project housing in Detroit, and interrogated.

Interviewed: Lester █████

Interviewer: Dr. Redfearn

<Begin Log>

Dr. Redfearn: How did you come to know Safari Dave?

Lester: I didn't really know him at all. I just saw the job offer and took it. They paid for my plane ticket, my hotel room, everything. I needed a job like that.

Dr. Redfearn: What was it like working with him?

Lester: You could tell the guy was weird. Definitely- what's the word- senile? He forgot everything. We'd be all ready to shoot, and then we'd have to wait for him because he didn't bring his binoculars or whatever. We had to feed him his lines through an earpiece, he'd forget 'em. And he talked about his kid all the time. The way he told it, you'd think this kid was Einstein. And like I said, he'd forget everything. So once he was through talking your ear off about his kid, he'd tell you about the same damn thing he just finished telling you.

Dr. Redfearn: Did you notice anything unusual about the filming?

Lester: Nothing except that he had no idea what he was doing. He couldn't manage a budget, he couldn't set up a camera. We wasted so much time. Every night he'd wake us up at some ungodly hour and we'd go out and film the bears all day. Long after he'd recorded all his scenes, he still had us filming the bears for a week. He acted like he never wanted it to end.

Dr. Redfearn: Was there anything else that concerned you?

Lester: Well, I mean, nothing major. It's kind of stupid.

Dr. Redfearn: It's no trouble at all.

Lester: The atmosphere was wrong. It felt fake. Everyone else had worked with Dave before, and they all acted like they were humoring him, like they were all playing a joke on him. Whenever he was out of sight, they'd shit-talk him. They said that sun bears weren't even real. I don't really get it. They all saw the bears.

Dr. Redfearn: Were you aware of the existence of sun bears prior to filming?

Lester: No. I mean, I didn't think it was a really famous animal or anything. Most people probably don't know about them.

Dr. Redfearn: Do you have any idea why your coworkers didn't think sun bears were real?

Lester: Like I said, I have no clue. They probably just remembered it wrong. Or they're crazy. I can't think of any other reasons.

Dr. Redfearn: Thank you for your time, Mr. █████

page revision: 3, last edited: 14 Jan 2018 00:53
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