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nn5n: scp-3645 Part 3. The Meaty End
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SCP-3645

Item #: SCP-3645

Object Class: Keter Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-3645 are to be recalled from groceries where they appear. Foundation agents embedded within various grocery chains are to report shipments of SCP-3645. A small amount of SCP-3645 instances are to be kept at Site-81 for testing. The containment team is to scan various communities involving literature for accusations of plagiarism as a reliable way to locate subjects in the early stages, and nursing homes and medical reports for those who are in the later stages. During testing, no personnel are to interact with subjects deemed Stage-5 under any circumstances. All subjects who consume SCP-3645 are to be considered lost.

The factory where SCP-3645 is manufactured is currently being located by the GoI-4889 team, led by Researchers Davey Kurland and Sadie Louis.

UPDATE 6/17/2024: All currently remaining instances are to remain in Low-Value Deep Containment Storage Lockers at Site-81. Out of respect for [REDACTED]1, no further testing is to be carried out with contained SCP-3645. The deal between GoI-4889 is to be followed according to the O5 Council's rulings

Description: SCP-3645 is the product line of Mary Kitchen brand canned corned beef hash, manufactured by Hormel Foods. Until 2018, Hormel Foods was a Fortune 500 company; however, it is common knowledge that it was purchased by Chinese investors The SixthStar Group. It has been determined that The SixthStar Group is a wholly owned subsidiary of GoI-4889 ("Kephart Corporation"), a corporate entity currently on negative terms with the Foundation. The GoI-4889 team theorizes that this was an avenue for Kephart Corporation to more closely affect public consumption.2

SCP-3645 is believed to be the first Kephart affected product, after several years of presumed testing. Instead of the previous recipe, which used only cured beef, the Kephart affected version contains a variable meat material referred to on the label as "Hackmeat®." The contents of Hackmeat are not identical across cans and have been found to have a varying recipe. An SCP-3645 instance could contain portions of:

  • Beef (50-70% of cans)
  • Pork (30-35% of cans)
  • Rabbit (15-20% of cans)
  • Guinea pig (10-11% of cans)
  • Guinea fowl (10-11% of cans)
  • Unidentfied fish in the Lophius genus3 (5% of cans)
  • Unidentfied fish in the Cetoscarus genus4 (5% of cans)
  • Unidentified meat similar to reptilian species. (5% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer Edward Bulwer-Lytton. (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 99.8% match for British writer E.L. James (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 100% match for American actor Gene Hackman (40% of cans)
  • Human meat with a 100% match for American [REDACTED]5 (67% of cans)
  • Vegan meat substitute (3% of cans)

It is unknown how Hackmeat passed FDA regulations or the trademark office.

Consuming instances of SCP-3645 induces radical changes in brain chemistry leaving subjects unable to understand the concept of a story. This process begins with an essential inability to write original sentences, designated Stage 1. Subjects will frequently find at first that their attention during the act of writing will wander unless they use someone else's work as a template6. Following this, subjects will be unable to form written sentences of their own, often resorting to cliches or commonly used phrases in their language. Accusations of plagiarism are a common way of detecting someone who has consumed SCP-3645, as subjects who do not frequently write are harder to detect at this stage. This is designated Stage 2.

Following which, the progression of SCP-3645 mimics a form of dementia, designated Stage 3. The inability to form original thoughts will spread to speaking, and gradually erode away as subjects have great difficulty following the progression of increasing simple narratives. This has shown in testing with D-Class to extend to all forms and mediums, including literature in all its forms, visual mediums like photography and films, and aural forms like oral storytelling and music. During this, the subject's brain loses the ability to understand its own chronological history with cohesion at a school age level. This means that subjects will not be able to locate past memories, resulting in retrograde amnesia, however some subjects will also form anterograde amnesia and be unable to form new memories. Past this, subjects are catatonic and unresponsive to stimuli, designated Stage 4.

Subjects who reach Stage 5 start to be subject to a reality altering effect. The bodies of Stage 5 subjects are described as blurred, and transparent by observers, and gradually they appear to fade away altogether. This is congruent with a disappearance of all property and writing by the affected subject, in reverse chronological order. These objects, and the subject, at this time appear to stretch until they are in excess of several kilometers long and centimeters thin. All stretched objects pass through solid matter during this time. Any human who comes into direct physical contact with Stage 5 affected persons and Stage 5 affected proxy objects has a 60% chance of exhibiting its effects as well. Memories of subjects are affected as well, gradually disappearing, but the narratives of others are not affected7. By the conclusion of Stage 5, SCP-3645 appears to have erased it's consumers from history. It is believed that Stage 5 subjects are not dead, but are still alive in some unknown capacity due to recorded emissions such as groans and cries during the stretching process.

The only known way to halt the effects of SCP-3645 consumption is the purchase of more SCP-3645, only this is ultimately unsuccessful in the long run and only serves to excerbate the effects. All subjects will reach Stage 5.

Addendum: Interview with SCP-3645-550, formerly Dr. Jacob Saulnier-Harris of the Foundation's Photography Division, and SCP-3645 containment specialists Dr. Hayley McFarlane and Researcher Sadie Louis. SCP-3645-550 is a Stage 3 subject.

<Begin Log>:

McFarlane: Dr. Saulnier-Harris, thank you for cooperating with us.

SCP-3645-550: Well, you know what they say? Birds of a feather, flock together.

McFarlane: Yes, we know that many others are affected, but we're dealing with your case right now.

SCP-3645-550: Guess I was caught with my pants down.

McFarlane: Don't beat up on yourself, it's not your fault.

Louis: This is Kephart's fault. All they do is blackmail people. They blackmailed us with containment breaches, they blackmailed their own creations with their appearance. You wouldn't have known.

SCP-3645-550: Rags to riches? Pillar of the community? (SCP-3645-550 scoffs.) Sick as a dog, that's the naked truth. What a fine kettle of fish indeed. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and I guess you reap what you sew. Nip and tuck. Nip it in the bud.

Louis: Dr. Saulnier-Harris, how are you holding up?

SCP-3645-550: Death warmed over, the lowest man on the totem pole. Last ditch effort let the cat out of the bag. Keeping up with the Joneses? Knock on wood the kiss of death.

McFarlane: He's deteriorating. Listen, he's lost simple connective thoughts and syntax.

SCP-3645-550: Just a hop skip and a jump kick the bucket. Joined at the hip it aint over till the fat lady sings, I heard it through the grapevine. Go the extra mile grist for the mill eleventh hour

McFarlane: Doctor? We're going to show you something you work with, okay? You're going to be fine.

SCP-3645-550: At my wits end back to the drawing board, playing with fire.

(Dr. McFarlane cues up a segment from a film, "Casablanca", and then sits back to observe SCP-3645-550, who calms down and then begins to softly cry.)

SCP-3645-550: Can't hold a candle to.

McFarlane: Do you understand what you're viewing?

SCP-3645-550: (SCP-3645-550 shakes his head) Can't hold a candle to. Can't hold.

Louis: Doctor, can you follow the story? You told me once this was your favorite film.

SCP-3645-550: Can't hold. Can't.

(SCP-3645-550 is weeping. He turns away from the television and stares blankly.)

SCP-3645-550: Can't…see.

This was the last time SCP-3645-550 expressed an original thought. Subject was since reclassified as Stage 4 afterwards and slipped into catatonia a week later.

Addendum-2:

On 6/4/2023, the GoI-4889 team was able to locate the current factory where SCP-3645 instances and Hackmeat are produced by locating old files archived before the takeover by SixStar Group. It is the Hormel Atlanta Plant located in Tucker, GA. A team consisting of project heads Davey Kurland and Sadie Louis, Agent Gerald Pulverson, and four members of MTF-Omega-20 ("The Executive Board"). The team met just outside the property owned by Kephart at 1400 hours, all members equipped with microphones and hidden body cameras.

<Begin Log>:

Pulverson: Alright team, you remember the plan, yeah?

Kurland: Remind me one last time, if you would.

Pulverson: Me and the two researchers will enter through the visitor's entrance. Omega-20's going in through the loading dock, they're to terminate known hostiles and get some reconnaissance on the inside. Contrary to what the Taskforce might think this is dangerous on both ends. This the first real physical Kephart facility of any kind we've found since the first 3643 letter. Alright, that covers it. Everyone ready?

Omega-3: Check.

Kurland: Checking in, all nice and clear.

Omega-4: Check.

Omega-7: Check.

Louis: I am check.

Omega-7: Check.

Unidentified female voice: What do you mean, check?

Pulverson: Gah!

(A middle-aged Caucasian woman in a white pantsuit is approaching the car, alone.)

Omega-7: Identify yourself, please.

Unidentified female voice: Sorry, I could ask you the same thing. You're trespassing outside our property.

Louis But it's not your property we're on.

Unidentified female voice: That's true, you're not. But we at Hormel Foods like to keep watch when a SWAT team meets with some, what are you, inspectors, right outside our property.

Omega-3 We apologize ma'am, but there's a dangerous escaped criminal in the vicinity. These safety inspectors were just checking in with us to make sure it wouldn't affect the plant's operations.

Unidentified female voice: Mmm-hmm. And where were you parked?

Pulverson: Just in your visitor's parking lot, ma'am. We were getting some fresh air before we formally introduced ourselves. That sweet clean Georgia air. I apologize about the informality of our first impression.

Unidentified female voice: Meat inspectors. Getting some fresh air, mmm-hmm. My name is Lara Yulgh and I think you three had better follow me. We'll start with that inspection, precisely as I have it scheduled. You officers can search the surrounding industrial area and stay here or else I will be forced to ask the Atlanta police department what you're really doing here.

(She begins to walk along the curb towards the gates of the property. She swipes a silver keycard and the gates rise. She gesticulates for Pulverson, Louis, and Kurland to follow her. They do so, hesitantly.)

Pulverson: Odd, she resisted the memetic trigger.

Kurland: Worse, I think she used one of her own. The taskforce isn't following.

(Pulverson turns around. The taskforce is immobilized in the same position they were standing in.)

Pulverson: Shit!

Louis: Relax, we're armed too. And Command still has the potential to extract us, right Command.

Command: Correct, now don't mention us unless its an emergency. They probably will be monitoring transmissions.

Yulgh: This way, inspectors! Keep up!

Kurland: Suspicious name, Yulgh.

The camera feed cuts out for approximately fifteen minutes. When it resumes, all three are inside the factory.

(Pulverson, Louis, and Kurland are following Yulgh through a beige corridor. Workers in white plastic protective wear that obscure their faces are walking back and forth, carrying clipboards or packages of frozen meat. Yulgh is also dressed in protective gear. The Foundation personnel are not, and their body cameras are not obscured.)

Kurland: Seems oddly banal for the big gold pot at the end of the rainbow. I mean, this is the jerky death corporation we've been monitoring for years? This!? This hallway is minty beige!

Louis: Keep it together, okay? I know how you can get all anxious about this but you'll blow our cover. Okay? I love you, Davey. We'll get through this. We're gonna record some stuff, pretend to write stuff down on our clipboards, and then send in the big guns. I love you. Just think about that.

Kurland: Alright Sadie, I'll think about that.

Yulgh: (Ahead) Make a left here past the administration offices, I'll show you to the primary processing floor.

Pulverson: I have a sneaking suspicion that our cover might be blown anyway. This is a trap.

Louis: Command will extract us if it's a trap.

Kurland: It's definitely a trap.

Louis: Shut up, both of you. We're armed, we're trained. We can handle a trap. These guys make parrotfish people and hash that fades you away, it's not exactly eldritch Factory nightmares. Their bark is always worse than their bite.

(They reach a large swinging door that leads to a plastic antechamber. Yulgh holds the door for both of them.)

Yulgh: Just stand here for a few minutes while decontamination occurs.

Kurland: Don't we need suits like yours to enter the floor?

Yulgh: No.

(The decontamination process ends. There is a beep, and the door on the other end opens onto a vast space dominated by a truly massive mechanical vat of some kind. Conveyor belts are carrying lumps of unidentifiable meat upwards into the vat, monitored by workers in protective wear. There are electronic saws on gimbals slicing the meat further before it is carried up and dumped over the edge. There is a low grinding sound originating from the vat.)

Pulverson: Oh wow.

Yulgh: Do you like it? It was shipped in when SixStar took over.

Kurland: This is where–?

Yulgh: –the meat and potatoes get ground up with the spices. Yes, we've switched to a new spice blend. Those are going in on the other side of the grinder. If you want to take a closer look at our saws, I'll think you'll find they're USDA Grade for handling raw beef. Only the finest beef goes into Hormel Hackmeat, you see. Go ahead you two, you'll think they're something fine.

(Kurland and Louis walk towards the saw. Pulverson does not follow.)

Kurland: Shit, why am I leaving myself vulnerable?!

Louis: Fucking mind control!

Kurland: This is bad. Try to reach for your gun, Sadie!

(They are inches from the conveyor belt. Meat lumps are rolling past. One has a distinct skinned human face, complete with eyes. It mouths "help me" before getting sliced and rolling up the belt. There is a gunshot behind them.)

Louis: Fuck, Davey! Now!

(Kurland and Louis spin around. Kurland quickly draws his gun as he does so. He fires at Yulgh's head, who topples. There is no visible blood. Pulverson's brains have been shot out over the factory floor and his body has crumpled to the ground.)

Kurland: Shit!

(Somebody restrains Kurland and Louis from behind, presumably factory workers. Yulgh rises to her feet, her head askew. She reaches up and snaps it back into place. There is a hole in her protective gear, through which something grey and pulsating can be seen. When she speaks her voice is raspier and slurred.)

Yulgh: You didn't think we knew you Foundation the whole time? You [INDECIPHERABLE], this is the plan. This is our new product.

(Command is alerted by their monitors and begin to prepare an extraction team. Kurland and Louis are dragged backwards, struggling. They are dragged between two belts. A gloved hand grabs Kurland's gun and drops it. It slides underneath a belt platform. Another takes Louis's gun.)

Yulgh: We've been releasing a modified version of our Fiji spray into the air surrounding the factory, that's why you and your buddies have been not acting so characteristically savvy. The stuff we used there was abandoned because it wasn't powerful enough. Look at you not resisting!

(The belts stop. Workers seen in the periphery of the camera clear the nearest two of meat. The workers holding Louis and Kurland hoist them on to the belts. They make no effort to resist or leave despite not being strapped down. Kurland turns to look at Louis.)

Kurland: I love you Sadie Louis! I've loved you since the moment you beat the Zodiac Killer!

Louis: I love you too, Davey! I'm so sorry.

(The saws whir to life on their belts. One worker swings the nearest one around and slices off Louis's arm, quickly. She screams in agony and makes a weak attempt to kick the worker's arm. She just gets the sleeve caught on a bit of machinery and it rips off of the suit. The arm underneath is smooth and colorless, with webbed digits. Small holes in the skin leak what appears to be red blood. The worker does not notice. Louis's ragged stump is now bleeding on it's protective gear. The belt with Kurland starts to move. Kurland panics. Yulgh steps closer to the belts, her protective gear looking lumpier and more swollen.)

Louis: Davey!

(Kurland rockets through his saw, slicing him apart. What's left of him moves up into the grinder.)

Louis: (Incoherent screaming)

(She suddenly slides off the belt and crushes the worker's feet as she lies on the floor. They flatten easily and the bottom of the protective gear fills with blood. It crumples. Yulgh is almost upon her, rasping in an unknown language. Louis turns her head, see's Kurland's gun, and shoots Yulgh's feet. Yulgh cries out and collapses. Louis rises to her feet, apparently able to fight due to a adrenaline and endorphins detected on her monitor, and looks over Yulgh.)

Louis: This is for Iris and Peter and Jacob and Davey. Especially Davey.

(//Louis empties the remaining shots across Yulgh's body, attempting to hit a lethal spot. Yulgh does not bleed, except from her feet. Louis then falls to her knees, stump bleeding, in the pool of blood. She begins nervously laughing. The grinder stops, and a massive roar of unknown origin is audible. There are soft wet noises and whispering approaching Louis's approximate position on the factory floor. The body camera cut outs but audio is still running.

Louis: (laughing) Oh god, this is their last blackmail. Fuck, they won! (Her laughter gets more manic/) Oh fuck, they beat us one last time! Shit, it's a dark and stormy night even in the day with these fuckers!

(There is a loud thud, like a footstep. Louis continues laughing. The soft wet noises get louder.)

<End Log>

The extraction team, composed of the remainder of MTF-Omega-20, arrived to find the Tucker Hormel Plant undergoing a shift similar to that of a Stage 5 Subject, only much more quickly. Their affected members were found unharmed. Following the building's stretching and disappearance, the team reported a loud burst of noise and white light, followed by the weather abruptly shifting to heavy rain.

The only remaining part of the plant was a document from GoI-4889 in a small unmarked safe and three SCP-3645 instances. The document stated that meat taken from Foundation Researcher Davey Kurland would be found in 67% of the remaining SCP-3645 cans, and that it would cause the effects of Hackmeat to not only increase, but spread exponentially. Testing with the three instances proved that the information in the document was true. The document also stated that

  1. Mary Kitchen brand corned beef hash would not be sold in stores again,
  2. The SCP-3644-1 instances in Fiji would be liberated and that the SCP-3644-2 spray would be modified in such a way to allow them to leave SCP-3644,
  3. The Kephart Corporation employee self-identifying as the Zodiac Killer (SCP-3643) would be retired,

all on the condition that the Foundation never interfered with the sale of their products again, and sent them 1 Million USD to help with fundraising. If the Foundation violates this agreement, then the remains of Davey Kurland will be distributed to 90% of worldwide households. The O5 Council voted 7 to 6 to follow the terms of the agreement, with the condition that Kephart Corporation would still be monitored, privately and covertly.

Researcher Sadie Louis was discovered bandaged and treated in an Atlanta hospital. She was debriefed, given Class-C amnestic, released to civilian life, and made a full recovery. Agent Gerald Pulverson and Researcher Davey Kurland received the Foundation Star for their actions.

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page revision: 12, last edited: 23 Mar 2018 11:54
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