nn5n Foundation
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nn5n: scp-3684 Happy Wheels
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SCP-3684
bessie.jpg
Instance of SCP-3684-1 belonging to Mr. Jacobs

Item #: SCP-3684

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The area surrounding SCP-3684 is to be sealed off to the public under the guise of renovation and monitored by Level 2 guards. Guards are to apprehend any individuals that claim or have been confirmed to own an instance of SCP-3684-1. Instances of SCP-3684-1 are to be transported to climate controlled containment units at Site-120's Anomalous Vehicles wing. The containment units should maintain a hot and dry climate to limit the formation of rust.

Description: SCP-3684 is a seemingly mundane garage. SCP-3684's anomalous properties manifest whenever an individual enters it. Upon entering SCP-3684, individuals enter a spatial anomaly. The inside of the garage exceeds its outer dimensions, and is far more spacious than is physically possible. Inside SCP-3684 are several vehicles, collectively designated SCP-3684-1, each possessing its own anomalous properties. The current list of vehicles found include:

  • A bicycle capable of flight
  • An indestructible segway
  • A rocket powered wheelchair
  • A moped capable of breaking the speed of sound
  • A motorized scooter packed with groceries, which refill themselves
  • A lawnmower capable of destroying any solid object with its rotary blades1
  • A minecart which, when ridden, convinces the passenger that they are an explorer on a quest for fame and fortune
  • A sleigh capable of manipulating gravity in its vicinity
  • An autogyro capable of space travel

SCP-3684 was found to be the property of Mr. Bertrand Jacobs, a 54-year-old retired African American male living in the small suburban town of █████, ██. Mr. Jacobs has claimed that SCP-3684 was not always a spatial anomaly, and that "a friend of his2" had offered to renovate it. Mr. Jacobs has said that he called in POI-3684 to repair his garage. After repairing it, POI-3684 declined on taking payment for his service and told Mr. Jacobs that he could compensate him with something else. POI-3684 then struck a business deal with Mr. Jacobs, telling him that he and other individuals would pay him for the privilege of being able to park their vehicles inside SCP-3684. POI-3684 also offered to modify Mr. Jacob's lawnmower at a discounted price. Mr. Jacobs agreed to all of the above, and has also been classified as a minor POI. Upon arriving at the location of SCP-3684, Mr. Jacobs was detained, interviewed and administered Class-B amnestics. Interview log is available below.

Interviewer: Agent ████

Interviewee: Mr. Bertrand Jacobs


[BEGIN LOG]

Agent ████: Are you ready to begin now, Mr. Jacobs?

Mr. Jacobs: Sure thing.

Agent ████: Excellent. First of all, where did you meet the friend that renovated your garage and how long have you known him?

Mr. Jacobs: Well, he told me that he's been living here in █████ for about 10 years, but I only met him about 2 years ago, at the local bar. Told me that he was a mechanic of some sorts. We shared a few drinks with each other and he gave me his business card and told me to give him a call if I ever needed anything fixed.

Agent ████: Could I see the business card he gave you? (Takes business card3) So, did you ever take him up on his offer and call him?
Mr. Jacobs: Yeah, I did. My garage was lookin' pretty ratched, so I called him up to fix it. Did a pretty damn good job of it, too. I ain't never met a mechanic who could make a garage have more room4. When he was finished, I was ready to pay him, but he had something different in mind.

Agent ████: And what did he tell you?

Mr. Jacobs: He said that we could start a business together. He mentioned that he had a few friends with vehicles that they couldn't park in other garages. Said that a band of no-good, rotten thieves called the "Essie P" would snatch all their vehicles just for the sake of it. Can you imagine that? What kind of car thief just takes cars for the hell of it? That's just madness.

Agent ████: Please stay focused, Mr. Jacobs. What did Allen5 have in mind after he finished modifying your garage? What business did he propose to start with you?

Mr. Jacobs: Hold your horses, I'm getting there. Jesus Christ, you people are nosy! Well, anyways, Allen said that the garage would be the perfect place for him and his buddies to park their machines. Said that he would give me a cut of the money for allowing them to stay there, and told me to never open the garage unless he instructed me to, and to never speak about it to anyone.

Agent ████: Did you agree to those terms?

Mr. Jacobs: Hell yeah, I did! I was raking in more than I get from my retirement pension in just two weeks! Allen even offered to spruce up Old Bessie for me, at a discounted price!

Agent ████: (Raises eyebrow) Old Bessie?

Mr. Jacobs: It's what I call my lawn mower. Ah, come on now, don't give me that look. Don't tell me that you don't name your machines!

Agent ████: No, I don't. Now, let's get back on track. Mr. Jacobs, are you aware that the vehicles in your garage break several physical laws?

Mr. Jacobs: Mister, I'm just a simple man, I don't know nothing about no "physical laws" or what have you. Only thing I know how to do is drink and tend to my lawn.

Agent ████: (Raises eyebrows) Mr. Jacobs, you are aware that in your garage, there was a bicycle capable of flight? I mean, that's not something you see every day, is it?

Mr. Jacobs: Aw, that's probably just some high-tech doohickey from Silicon Valley or something. You couldn't possibly be telling me that the bicycle could actually fly! (Laughs) That'd be crazy talk, wouldn't it? (Laughs again)

Agent ████: (Sighs) You're right. That would indeed be crazy talk.

[END LOG]

page revision: 12, last edited: 17 Mar 2019 07:13
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