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nn5n: scp-3985 A Man, a Telephone Box and an Interdimensional Coffee Table
SafeSCP-3985 A Man, a Telephone Box and an Interdimensional Coffee TableRate: -1

SCP-3985-2 in [REDACTED], England, the location in which it was first discovered.

Item #: SCP-3985

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3985-1 is to be kept in a 5m x 5m x 2.5m chamber, decorated as a typical British living room, minus any electrical devices (including recording and surveillance equipment). The chamber must be carpeted, and contain at least two sofas/armchairs, one analogue wall clock, and SCP-3985-1 itself.

SCP-3985-2 has no special containment procedures, other than the fact that it must remain on site, and its usage closely monitored at all times. Unless testing is in progress, SCP-3985-2 may be used by Level-2 personnel and above as an ordinary payphone (although it must be noted that it will only accept British coinage1).

SCP-3985-3 is currently uncontained. Efforts to locate and contain the man known as Rudyard Brownsmith are ongoing.


SCP-3985-1: SCP-3985-1 is a short, elliptical coffee table made up of a stainless steel frame and wooden tabletop. Samples of wood taken from the tabletop have been found to match no known genus of tree on Earth, although the frame has been successfully identified as Sheffield steel. Telephone interviews with SCP-3985-3 confirm that the subject possesses an identical coffee table in his own home. Together, these tables form a quantum link. That is to say, when items are placed upon SCP-3985-1, and the room is left unobserved for a period of no less than 30 seconds, they will disappear, transported to the 'receiving' table at SCP-3985-3's location.2

SCP-3985-1 was first discovered in the village of [REDACTED], England on ██/██/████, after a Mr and Mrs [REDACTED] reported the table’s anomalous behaviour to a local spiritual medium. The table was later confiscated by local authorities and handed over to the Foundation, and the [REDACTED] family, along with their medium, were given a strong amnesiac and returned to their homes. Upon acquisition, it was initially believed that SCP-3985-1 was a single anomalous object, and thus it was simply dubbed SCP-3985.

SCP-3985-2: SCP-3985-2 was brought to the attention of the Foundation two months after SCP-3985-1, and was found in the same village. A British K6 green telephone kiosk, SCP-3985-2 functions as any other payphone when supplied with the appropriate change. However, etched into the metal casing above the coin slot is the telephone number [DATA EXPUNGED]. When this number is dialed using the payphone, contact can be made with SCP-3985-3. It is through SCP-3985-2 that SCP-3985-3 will make requests for items to be sent to him via SCP-3985-1. Extensive research has shown that no other telephone (mobile, landline or otherwise) can make contact with SCP-3985-3 using the aforementioned telephone number.

SCP-3985-3: Very little is currently known about the nature of SCP-3985-3. Telephone interviews with the subject have identified it as a 37-year old Caucasian male with a strong Wiltshire accent, going by the name of Rudyard A (purported to stand for either ‘Aloysius’ or ‘Albert’, according to the subject himself) Brownsmith. Brownsmith alleges that his location is a small semi-detached house, at number 25 Vernon Lane, [REDACTED], England (see Addendum 3985-a). However, Foundation research has confirmed that no such street exists. Further efforts will be made to pinpoint the location of SCP-3985-3 in due course.

Cycle: ██ conversations with SCP-3985-3 via SCP-3985-2 have been conducted to date. Each follows the same structure, which begins with the interviewer introducing themselves, and being greeted by SCP-3985-3. The subject will then accept questions from the interviewer, which have helped to provide a description of both Brownsmith and his home. Typically, Brownsmith will answer three to four questions per interview, although he has been known to answer as many as seven questions in one sitting, and to refuse questioning altogether. If the interviewer persists with questioning in spite of SCP-3985-3's wishes, the subject will become agitated, to the extent of hanging up on the interviewer on one occasion. (See Addendum 3985-b).

Before putting the phone down, SCP-3985-3 will always make at least one request for an item to be sent to him via SCP-3985-1. As previously mentioned, these requests vary greatly, and include, but are not limited to: chocolate bars, potato chips (referred to as 'crisps' by Brownsmith), tea, coffee, scarves, pants ('trousers'), pens, pencils, paper and DVDs. On at least ██ occassions, the subject has requested items which could be utilised as weaponry, such as a tenon saw, bread knife and a book of matches. Although SCP-3985-3 is thought to be of no real threat, any item which could potentially be weaponised will not be sent to the subject. To date, Brownsmith has had no objection to the interviewer's refusal to send certain items.

Thus far, there is no reason to believe that any component of SCP-3985 is dangerous in any way. SCP-3985-2 will therefore remain in Cafeteria ██ at Site ██ for the time being, for unrestricted usage by Class-2 personnel and above, provided that they have the appropriate currency. Brownsmith’s number must not be called unless testing is in progress. As for SCP-3985-1, consideration has been made towards using its containment chamber as a break room, provided that mobile phones and other electronics are not brought into the room by personnel, and that no item is left on SCP-3985-1 unattended.

Addendum 3985-a
Initial interview between SCP-3985-3 and Doctor Andrew ██████, ██/██/████.

<Begin Log, ██:██ (GMT 09:45)>

██████: Have you dialled the number, Steven?

███████████: Yes, sir. It's ringing now.

██████: Good. Pass me the reciever.

SCP-3985-3: Hello? Hello?

██████: Ah, good day, sir. I'm Doctor Andrew ██████, I'm calling today on behalf of the SCP Foundation. We'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's alright with you.

SCP-3985-3: Yes, that's fine.

██████: I'd like to point out at this point that this conversation will be monitored for our records. Do you have any objection to this, sir?

SCP-3985-3: No, not at all. I'm sure you people have your reasons.
██████: Indeed we do, sir. Now, first of all, could you please tell me your full name and date of birth?

SCP-3985-3: Absolutely. My name's Rudyard A Brownsmith. My date of birth is ██/██/████.

██████: I see. So you're currently… 37, is that correct?

SCP-3985-3: That's right.

██████: Okay. And what exactly does the 'A' stand for, Mr Brownsmith?

SCP-3985-3: Aloysius. Or Albert. Honestly, I can't remember. It's been a while.

██████: Been a while since what, sir?

SCP-3985-3: Never mind. Is their anything else you'd like to know?

██████: Yes, of course. Erm… Could you please give me your current address, Mr Brownsmith?

SCP-3985-3: Certainly. It's 25 Vernon Lane, [REDACTED].

██████: 25… Vernon Lane… [REDACTED]. And that's in England, is it, sir?

SCP-3985-3: Of course.

██████: I see. Well, thank you for your time, Mr Brownsmith. We'll be in touch again soon with further questions.

SCP-3985-3: Okay. Oh, before you go…

██████: Yes, Mr Brownsmith?

SCP-3985-3: It's just… well, it's silly really, but… I was wondering if you wouldn't mind too terribly sending me a packet of crisps.

██████: Crisps, sir?

SCP-3985-3: Oh, I suppose you people call them 'chips', don't you?

██████: Ah, chips. Any particular preference?

SCP-3985-3: Yes, Salt and Vinegar, if you wouldn't mind.
██████: Alright, then. And we send you these via the coffee table, do we, Mr Brownsmith?

SCP-3985-3: That's right. Don't ask me how it works, mind you. I couldn't tell you.

██████: Well, neither could we, to be perfectly honest with you, sir. Right, well that'll be all for now. I'm sure we'll speak again very soon.

SCP-3985-3: I look forward to it. Good day, Doctor ██████.

██████: And you, Mr Brownsmith. Right, Steven, let's wrap this up, shall we?

███████████: Yes, sir. Interview terminated as of… ██:██, local time.

<End Log, ██:██ (GMT 09:51)>

Post-Interview Statement: After initial conversation with SCP-3985-3, it appears that the subject is aware of SCP-3985-1's anomalous behaviour, although he does not fully understand how or why the phenomenon occurs. As for the address he gave us, we'll get to work on verifying it immediately. Furthur interviews will be required to gather more information on the subject in due course. -Doctor Andrew ██████, ██/██/████

Addendum 3985-b
Interview between SCP-3985-3 and Doctor Michael ██████, ██/██/████.

<Begin Log, ██:██ (GMT 20:31)>

███████: D'you think he'll answer?

██████: 'He', who's 'he', Harry? It is not our equal, and if I had my way, it'd be locked up in here with the rest of these freaks. And- Ah, hello?

SCP-3985-3: Hello? Who is it?

██████: Good evening, SC- uh, Mr Brownsmith. This is Doctor Michael ██████ speaking.

SCP-3985-3: Ah, good evening. Let me guess: You're from the Foundation?

██████: That's right… sir. I'm calling today to ask you some questions. We'll be recording this interview for our records. You will answer each question to the best of your ability, do you understand?

SCP-3985-3: Yes, I suppose so. Is there some sort of issue here, Doctor?

██████: Not at all, Mr Brownsmith. I simply wish to gather the information I need from you today in a precise and concise manner, if that's all the same to you.

Fine. I hope you don't mind me saying so, sir, but you're much more formal than the chap I spoke to last time.

██████: Yes, well that was my associate, Doctor Andrew ██████. He believes that these things need a 'soft touch'. Efficiency is more my forte. We'll be picking up where he left off today.

SCP-3985-3: Alright, then. Let's get started, shall we?

██████: If it's all the same to you, sir, I will be leading this interview.

SCP-3985-3: Of course(!) Lead the way then, Doctor.

SECTION CUT, ██:██ - ██:██

██████: Okay, Mr Brownsmith. Before we wrap this up, I'd like to ask you to verify your address.

SCP-3985-3: Certainly. Like I said last time, it's 25 Vernon Lane, [REDACTED], England.

██████: I thought you might say that. Now, our research has actually shown that no such street as 'Vernon Lane' exists in the location which you claim it does. Would you care to explain this to me?

SCP-3985-3: Well, I can tell you that it does exist. I should know, I live there.

██████: So you say, sir, but I'm telling you that our research has found that the street in question does not exist.

SCP-3985-3: And I'm telling you that I'm looking through my living room window onto that very street right now. It seems to me that that's proof enough of it's existance, is it not?

██████: Brownsmith, try to remain calm. I'm simply trying to-

SCP-3985-3: No, don't tell me to remain calm. And that's Mister Brownsmith to you, alright?

██████: Apologies… Mister Brownsmith. If you could just answer the question, I-

SCP-3985-3: No, you know what? (EXPLETIVE) it. This entire interview, you've spoken to me like I'm a piece of (EXPLETIVE), so why should I give you the time of day answering these questions? Hmm?

██████: Sir, just-

SCP-3985-3: No, I've had enough. Next time you people call me, I expect a little bit more respect, alright? I'm not having you treating me like some kind of lab specimen or what-have-you!

██████: Mr Brownsmith? Mr Brownsmith? For f… Interview suspended as of ██:██ local time. SCP-3985-3 refused questioning on his whereabouts. No requests made by the subject on this occasion. End the log, Harry.

███████: Yes, sir.

<End Log, ██:██ (GMT 20:43)>

Post-Interview Statement: After playing back the audio log for this interview, Doctor ██████'s conduct has been addressed accordingly. In future interviews, if SCP-3985-3 refuses a question, the interviewer will move on to the next question, or cease questioning altogether. We cannot risk alienating Brownsmith any further. This is the only way we are able to contact him. -Doctor Andrew ██████, ██/██/████


K6 Green Telephone Kiosk image:

Source: http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1329446
Author: http://www.geograph.org.uk/profile/6337

Used under the Creative Commons License - https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

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