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nn5n: Log Of Anomalous Items
Log Of Anomalous ItemsRate: 3443
Log Of Anomalous Items

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: An unbreakable lamp.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Kept in Dr. Rights' office in Site-██.
Notes: This was one of the first items categorized as "Anomalous" and denied full SCP classification, due to lack of value in further research and little need for special containment.

Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Shipped off to permanent storage.
Notes: Can’t believe that none of the researchers kept this to win bets with.

Item Description: An ordinary brand ███████ number 2 pencil, which will balance easily on its tip for hours at a time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: I’m not even sure why this was an anomaly. Maybe it just had a very flat tip.
Notice: Destroying anomalous items without appropriate permission is a major violation of Foundation policy. See that this does not occur again. - Site Director █████ █████.

Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: This would obviously be a pain to work with, but shouldn't they have at least tried to see how it worked?
Notice: Destroying anomalous items without appropriate permission is a major violation of Foundation policy. See that this does not occur again. - Site Director █████ █████.

Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In animal containment. Excess entities incinerated.

Item Description: A small rock that emits a bright white light from an unknown source. Otherwise unremarkable.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ███████
Current Status: Currently in the possession of Dr. Light.
Notes: No radiation, no life signs, nothing. If nothing else, it's a reminder of the inexplicable nature of the universe.

Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: In storage at Site 19's vintage weapons depository.
Notes: Perfectly serviceable and well-maintained aside from the anomaly. Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".

Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A nuclear snow globe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snow globe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.

Item Description: A white cowboy hat. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██ ██████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a scantly used test chamber and brought out during staff birthday parties.

Item Description: Six-sided dice that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Notes: Research my @!$. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his sneak attack damage. - Dr. Morgan

Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed after being dropped by canteen worker █████ ███████.

Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre acapella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.

Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A series of pornographic VHS tapes that, when rewound, would continually change actors, sets, and methods of coitus. All appear to relate to actual filmed movies, though the quality is low.
Date of Recovery: █-██-19██
Location of Recovery: Hackensack, New Jersey
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost. Recently recovered from the possession of Dr. ██████. In storage.

Item Description: A 76-centimeter-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 05-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 15 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████. Agent reprimanded. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.

Item Description: An adult male capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) several thousand miles away from the natural habitat for its species, with bright blue and green fur.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin
Current Status: Identified as lost exotic pet with ██████████-brand hair dye. Returned to owner; class-A amnestic administered; recovery agent reprimanded.

Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.

Item Description: A 24000-carat diamond, cut in the size and shape of a common construction brick.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ███████, South Africa
Current Status: In storage pending identification of source.

Item Description: A white cotton-and-polyester t-shirt bearing the words 'SCP: SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT" on the front, and a crude but recognizable cartoon of SCP-173 on the back, with the caption "SCP-173: DON'T BLINK". Aside from the security breach it represents, the item has no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████ Thrift Store, New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.

Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.

Item Description: An Ikea-brand wall clock which seems to disappear and reappear once every second.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland.
Current Status: Disappeared at 1124 hours GMT on ██-██-19██. Item never materialised, presumed irretrievable.

Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A spear that, when thrown, pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid and extends several spikes from its blade afterward. Agents are to note that "the nearest humanoid" is typically the person who threw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, Ireland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.

Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Status: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.

Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 04-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer during containment breach; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.

Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 06-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Accidentally destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties
Notes: Are you sure the person who reported this wasn't just really bad at spelling?

Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr. ████ ██████'s head.

Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: Shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Ski Resort, ██, USA
Current Status: On Research Assistant Goldsheiner's desk, for aesthetic purposes.

Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.

Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at Site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.

Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul-tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior Researcher ███████, who initially believed the kitchen staff were attempting to poison him.
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. █████.

Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs. In storage.
Notes: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery.

Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal points in numbers written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20██
Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11.
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23.

Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.

Item Description: A three-sided die; no matter how it is observed, subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this being physically impossible.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in [REDACTED].
Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice.

Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within hearing range have knowledge of.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1997
Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pound cake that emits the sound of a young girl laughing when being cut.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: █████'s Bakery Shop in Wyoming
Current Status: Kept in cold storage at Site-17

Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. warehouse in London, UK.
Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25.
Notes: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object.

Item Description: A 235-kg █████ █████-brand moped. When traveling at speeds in excess of 30 km/h, it displays inertial qualities consistent with an object of significantly higher mass, generally between 350 and 600 kg, depending on speed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1999
Location of Recovery: ████████, Germany
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will then form connections between the information and attempt to come up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost always derogatory.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Texas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ village, Astrakhan district, found in possession of [DATA REDACTED]
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes the person to become contemplative about their recent successes and failures in life.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the name of Dr. P████ Laymond.
Current Status: Torn to shreds by a loose pet corgi. Reconstruction is under consideration.
Notes: Is this thing even necessary? Why did we even take it in the first place? Why did Rachel dump me last night? WHY??? – Agent R████████

Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and tones of voice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, California
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels.

Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1943
Location of Recovery: ████████ & Sons Games, Coney Island, New York
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as it is opened.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2006
Location of Recovery: ███████, London
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre-programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the same result.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Health Center, Seoul, Korea
Current Status: On ██-██-2012 object was found to be broken, and it was revealed that many agents had used it for exercise since its containment. After the repair, object did not display anomalous properties any longer, and thus relocated to Foundation health center.

Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 'properly'. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread tangling.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A shipment of 350 pre-packaged loaves of sliced potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes disorientation and vestibular dysfunction.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Current Status: Shredded during containment breach. Shreds only caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Remains in storage.

Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential debates, in which Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not revealed any evidence of editing.
Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012
Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Current Status: In Dr. Q█████'s office.

Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to come up with a solution.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-199█
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, CA, USA.
Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: A swan goose (Anser cygnoides) which extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A hardcover book that, when read, makes everything a person touches feel like a certain designated texture, depending on the page read.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Cartersville, Georgia
Current Status: In the desk of Dr. Raye.
Note - I like the fluffy kitten page. - Dr. Raye

Item Description: Ten (10) glass sculptures of Queen Angelfish (Holacanthus ciliaris) that animate when placed in water. Sculptures require all the needs of a regular fish, except oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Ireland
Current Status: Kept in the aquarium in the 2nd floor break room at Site-17.

Item Description: A china statuette of British cartoon characters Wallace and Gromit that, upon observation, causes the observer to have a mild craving for cheese.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered with SCP-████ in a raid on a Marshall, Carter and Dark auction.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in the shape of the player, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 04-26-19██
Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33". When performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly emanating from each copy.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Band room of ████████ High School, located in Oahu, HI.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be identical to that played by the band ███ ███████ ████ at their annual concert at the ████████ ████ Zoo.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-██11
Location of Recovery: ████████ ████ Zoo Amphitheater.
Current Status: On the desk of Dr. ███████.
Notes: I would feel a little bad about this, but the concert is free anyway. -Dr. ███████.

Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst deskraibing it to rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in ennee rekognaizd format.
Dayt uv Rekuvurree: ██-██-20██
Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59.

Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually exposed to it.
Date of Recovery: 06-30-1967
Location of Recovery: ████████, ██
Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage.

Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance is erased when the new instance is written, although the word transfers at roughly 1808 km/s. The word reportedly feels natural and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise mundane.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks
Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.

Item Description: A tiara constructed from living specimens of mushroom and other non-invasive fungus. Placing the tiara on a human subject's head causes the subject to become gyroscopically stabilized from the waist up. No matter the effort, the subject will become unable to move their body from the waist up out of a perfectly vertical position.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1919
Location of Recovery: Copenhagen, Denmark
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A traditional Brazilian berimbau of typical construction and materials. When held by a human subject, and the stick is raised to strike the string, the subject immediately displays an instinctive knowledge of how to play basic traditional rhythms. Further exposure does not seem to result in further knowledge gain, but the resultant basic knowledge remains with the subject after exposure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Salto, Brazil
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Until it is determined conclusively that the item has no cognitohazardous capabilities, handling and testing is restricted to D-Class subjects.

Item Description: A 129-character string. Entering it on the password field of an online service will allow log-in no matter what the original password was; only known exception is the word "password".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-201█
Location of Recovery: Lagos, Nigeria
Current Status: Archived. Research on encryption and network structures resistant to effect underway.

Item Description: A blue stress ball. When squeezed, holder becomes infuriated, and when thrown, will bounce back and hit the thrower's head.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ████ Psychiatrics, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard ███████ brand deck of cards that, when used to play any card game, appear 'backwards', showing all other players the card's face, while only showing the card's holder the back of said card.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███ █████, Nevada, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Site ██ Recreation Lounge.

Item Description: A credit card of an unknown black material. Purchases made with the card via magnetic stripe readers are retroactively debited from Banco de Mexico's account number ██████.██, in October of 1993.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Secret chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red 1994 Toyota Camry whose radio could only play Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" regardless of station, whether a cassette tape had been inserted, and even after the radio itself had been replaced 3 times.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-200█
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Crushed and melted down during an unusual containment breach. Residual slag showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A high-tech typewriter that produces a cognitohazardous effect on every person trying to formulate a description for said object. Despite being a typewriter, it is always described as a typewriter, with various properties, containment places and such replaced with analogous typewriter-related properties. However, the verb "to shoot" and its cognates are not affected. Attempts to photograph the object are hindered by mental influence, and any attempts to draw or paint the object result in a drawing of a typewriter.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: An abandoned printing device research base that belonged to a defunct group of interest called [REDACTED].
Current Status: In storage in Site ███ printing devices room. An effort to produce copies of the typewriter is underway.
Notes: This typewriter is great! Easy to shoot, very accurate, good shooting distance, lightweight, supports different key sets and has a 60 cartridge tray. The typing mechanism is detachable, .45ACP and 5.56 versions are available. Most likely, the anomalous effect was developed in order to hinder intelligence efforts. - Agent Cora.

Item Description: A wooden toy rifle designed to shoot rubber bands using a gear. Rubber bands accelerate to 1/540 the speed of light upon leaving the barrel of the rifle.
Date of Recovery: 10-15-2010
Location of Recovery: Mount Vernon, Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous weapons containment.

Item Description: A computer that cannot connect to any network when networking is enabled, but can attain a connection to the internet of exactly 161.24 kbps anywhere, regardless of the speed of light and other physical limitations.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Portugal
Current Status: Currently used to maintain communications with ████████.

Item Description: A glass statue of a non-Euclidian structure. Glass fragments of a statue, originally composing a non-Euclidian structure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In storage
Notes: It was broken when I found it. - Agent Green

Item Description: A drawing of a dog that, when viewed by an illiterate individual, teaches them how to read and write Latvian.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ██
Current Status: In Level 1 Document Storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A Christmas tree that is impossible to disassemble
Date of Recovery: 25-12-2013
Location of Recovery: Original location unknown, secondary location is near the entrance tunnel to Site-14.
Current Status: In Site-14 break room as a decoration for Christmas.

Item Description: One coaster. When placed on any horizontal surface, it leaves a circular water stain 6.3 cm in diameter. Stains left by this object have proven to be extremely difficult to remove.
Date of Recovery: 09-18-1995
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████ Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN
Current Status: Accidentally destroyed under unknown circumstances.

Item Description: A Mark XIX (19) Israel Military Industries Desert Eagle on 50. Action Express with Picatinny rail. When held, it displays an ammo counter in the bottom right corner of the wielder's peripheral vision, and, when fired, displays a point value based on the target hit, in base 5 numeration.
Date of Recovery ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, Florida, U.S.A.
Current Status: Stored in Site-19 Low value storage unit.
Notes: It sounds cool, but the ammo counter is hard to focus on, which distracts you when you're trying to fire it, and it's nearly useless since you can barely make out the numbers. The scoring system has to be worked out on paper, and there's no easy way of recording the numbers when you have to decode your score every time you shoot. Keep this thing far away from the usable weapons. - Agent Harrelson

Item Description: A pack of ███████ brand chewing gum containing six (6) pieces of chewed gum. When chewed, they will revert to 'un-chewed' form. Re-chewed pieces do not possess this property.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████, Canada
Current Status: In storage in Site-██.
Notes: How did we figure out it did that? - Dr. ██████

Item Description: A tambourine that, when shaken, produces the sounds of a guitar. Staff claim to greatly enjoy it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: Held in the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A pair of baby blue boxing gloves. If the boxing gloves are used to punch an infant in the jaw, the new-born will grow all of its adult teeth within the following 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 08-10-20██
Location Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: Stored in Site-17 containment locker.

Item Description: A Roman mosaic assembled in the 4th century CE depicting a creature resembling a Stegosaurus. Outside its anachronism, it is not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, Italy.
Current Status: In display at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A wooden pan flute. When played, an unidentified male voice will tell music-related puns in the player's first language.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1991
Location of Recovery: ████ Music Shop, Salonica, Greece.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red ███████ brand automobile. The automobile is reported to leave a trail of flames in areas it passes. It is also able to speed up to ████ kilometers per hour.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████ family's garage
Current Status: Last seen driven by Dr. Gerald. Presumed destroyed.

Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it is replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A tin can labelled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous item containment locker.

Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: A number were consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff. Remainder in storage.
Notes: These were a lot of fun. Someone should put them in the break room vending machines if the Foundation comes across a reliable source. - Agent ██████

Item Description: A red 2011 Alfa Romeo 159. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, the driver spontaneously forgets how to use a stick-shift transmission. They regain this knowledge upon stepping out of the car. (It should also be noted that this car has a stick-shift transmission.)
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Poland
Current Status: In storage; awaiting repairs due to a burnt-out clutch.

Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College, Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room
Notice: I shouldn't have to say this, but since it keeps happening: staff are advised not to connect peripherals to the computer unless they intend to turn said peripherals into cheese. - Supervisor White

Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-02-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing
Note: I know the ruler doesn't lie, but my brain just doesn't want to believe it. Guess we're doing something right. - Agent Morris

Item Description: A severed saltwater crocodile (Crocodylus porosus) head, which doesn't experience decomposition or corrosion. When touched or handled physically, the head animates and bites its handler, then returns to its inactive state. Object also regenerates almost instantaneously when damaged.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: In frozen storage.

Item Description: A blue M&M's candy, which, when set on a flat surface, begins to spin, accelerating in speed until it reaches a rate of approximately 65 rev/s, at which point it instantly freezes in place until picked up and set back down.
Date of Recovery: 02-24-2014
Location of Recovery: Cedar Springs, Colorado, USA
Current Status: Consumed by Dr. ██████

/Item Description: A newly opened, 14-ounce glass bottle of ███████ brand ketchup. Contents of bottle deemed impossible to extract, despite vigorous smacking and shaking.
Date of Recovery: 04-15-20██
Location of Recovery: San Juan, Mexico
Current Status: Shattered during an unauthorized extraction attempt in Site-22 cafeteria. Despite severe fragmentation, contents remained irretrievable from bottle. Broken shards and remains moved to standard storage locker at Site-59.

Item Description: A glass mirror that reflects images across its surface approximately 3.86 seconds more slowly than conventional mirrors, resulting in a significant 'lag' in the observed reflection.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Ukraine
Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-73. Studies indicate that there is no observable change in the rate at which photons are reflected by the mirror.

Item Description: A toy rocket made out of an unknown polymer which can exceed speeds needed to escape the earth's gravity. It caught the interest of the Foundation and was tested.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████/█████ Border
Current Status: Currently located in the thermosphere in Earth's Orbit.

Item Description: Bootleg VHS copy of Swedish movie "████ ██████ of █████████" (19██). All characters change gender and ethnicity randomly on each viewing.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Guam
Current Status: Site-19 break room. Currently in storage.
Notes: Bad acting, boring plot.

Item Description: A small █████ brand FM radio, estimated to be ██ years old. When powered and set to any frequency, the radio will play a random song popular among teenagers during the activator's pubescent years. This song will always involve romantic relations and is described as remarkably apposite to the activator's current relationship status in 95% of cases. When activated by somebody not in a romantic relationship, the radio will play an inexpertly recorded cover of Harry Nilsson single "One," sung dramatically off-key by an unidentified pubescent male accompanied by a series of atonal electric piano notes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1986
Location of Recovery: ███ ██ High School, ███████, Illinois
Current Status: Lost following testing by Researcher ████.

Item Description: A bag of ███-████ brand marshmallows. When a marshmallow is consumed by an individual, their head becomes engulfed in blue flames. Subjects always report a lack of noticeable change in spite of heat readings exceeding 100°C.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland
Current Status: Remaining samples were placed in storage.

Item Description: A pair of ravens (Corvus corax) who will sing the folk song known as twa corbies on some but not all occasions when someone dies within an approximately one kilometre radius.
Date of Recovery: 06-27-1989
Location of Recovery: ████████, British Isles
Current Status: Held in a standard aviary.

Item Description: One pair of ███ brand headphones that can only be described as the opposite of what they are.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Canada
Current Status: In storage at Site-██.
Notes: Don't think into it too much. - Dr. ███████

Item Description: A yellow brandless notebook. Every page contains multiple hand drawn rainbows. The words "KYLE, AGE SIX" are visible on the item's cover. All written text regarding said notebook will alter its colour in order to follow the pattern of the colours of the rainbows contained in the notebook. The drawings do not follow the pattern of real rainbows.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-██
Location of Recovery: Sussex, UK
Current Status: In storage at Site-98.

Item Description: An iron ball bearing (radius: 2cm) which completely lacks ferromagnetic properties, even in the presence of strong magnetic fields (tested up to 8 Tesla). It is the only known instance of an anipole, that is, a magnet with no poles (as opposed to hypothetical monopoles). Discovered while searching for low-background steel for use in radiation-sensitive experiments; it was noted for anomalously low levels of trace radioactive elements. Subsequent analysis revealed that it is composed entirely of pure iron.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-200█
Location of Recovery: ███████ Factory in Alaska, US.
Current Status: Held in Site-11 storage in radiation-shielding unit to preserve purity.

Item Description: A standard 'Monopoly' board game that, when played, will invariably incite an argument between the players that will ultimately lead to the cessation or annulment of their marriage, partnership, friendship or whatever other form their relationship took.
Date of Recovery: 07-03-2001
Location of Recovery: ██████ family yard sale, Illinois, US.
Current Status: Site-19 storage.

Item Description: Seven booster packs of the popular "Magic: The Gathering" trading card game. Opening of any of the packs will lead to an unidentified male voice saying "Ha! Nerd!" The voice appears to be located a distance away from the opener of the pack.
Date of Recovery: ██-13-20██
Location of Recovery: ████ & ██████ Comics
Current Status: Only five boosters remain. Currently stored in the Site 23 Storage Room.

Item Description: A 2 m. by 1 m. glass oblong that acts as a portable window to a parallel universe. Reverse side is an unidentified opaque material which has resisted all efforts to damage it thus far. Currently, the point of divergence between universes is unknown, but does not appear to have altered any aspect of Earth. Glass is functionally a mirror.
Date of Recovery: ██-03-19██
Location of Recovery: ████████, England
Current Status: Marked and used in Site-██ changing rooms Removed to storage following reinstitution of Protocol ANTI-AN105/76 "Containment First," on September 6, 2009.

Item Description: A 17g lump of Plasticine which, when viewed by more than one person, is unanimously agreed to be too much Plasticine. Mechanism for perpetuation of this worldview is currently unknown. No anomalous effects if viewed by only one person.
Date of Recovery: ██-12-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████ █████, █████████-████-████, England
Current Status: Kept in a small plastic bag in the Break Room of Site ██.

Item Description: A pillow that audibly complains about itself. Complaints thus far have been softness (of which the pillow stated it was "too hard" and "too soft" at different times), material of the pillow, the material inside the pillow, and how much it talks about itself. While it has been noted that the pillow is sentient and is able to respond to personnel, the only thing it has discussed is itself.
Date of Recovery: ██-14-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Soft Co.
Current Status: Site 35 Storage Room

Item Description: A chicken nugget that does not age or go stale. When a piece of the object is has been bitten off, the nugget will regenerate the area that has been bitten. Cutting pieces off of the object do not regenerate. It seems as though the "main" part of the nugget will regenerate with pieces cut off to show no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 12-31-2013
Location of Recovery: ████████, Connecticut.
Current Status: Stored in freezer at Site-48.
Notes: Maybe we could use this as infinite ration during shortage of food. - Dr. Smith

Item Description: A white oak tree (Quercus alba) that, when viewed by a subject, is invariably described as being "ironic". Affected subjects are incapable or unwilling to explain further.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-2011
Location of Recovery: █████████, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 1 m tall, solid gold flamingo statue that animates whenever a blue moon occurs. When animated, it attempts to fly through the ceiling only to crash into it. It will keep doing so until either restrained, or the morning after the blue moon ends.
Date of Recovery: 05-16-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Zoo, US
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A toilet paper roll with the words "Jimmyz Teeliscop and Anty-scop" written on it with a red marker and various star stickers dotted around it. When viewing through one side, the roll will act as a telescope, however, when viewed from the other side it act as the opposite.
Date of Recovery: 06-12-████
Location of Recovery: █████████ Woods, US
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: I feel bad for the kid who lost this. - Dr. Richards

Item Description: ██████-████ (██) sheets of paper that when flipped in the same direction twice show a "third side". Flipping a sheet again will show the first side. Flipping backwards from the first side will show the third one.
Date of Recovery: 03-20-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School in ████████, ██
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A medium, white, men's shirt. All attempts to capture the item on video or photograph have failed, as photographs and videos develop as if the shirt were not present.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ████████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An abstract bronze sculpture, measuring 2.11189 meters in height. Artist unknown. Exposure results in drastic overestimation of one's ability to make precise measurements for 9.800419 hours afterwards.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ Museum of Modern Art
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pair of cheese graters. Any cheese grated with one comes out of the other grater if the 2 are within ~6 meters of each other.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: 21 ████████ Rd, Sequim, Washington
Current Status: Under testing.

Item Description: A standard paper straw wrapper which is animate and has behavior patterns consistent with a boa constrictor. This includes slow "slithering" movement and attempts to constrict prey. Due to the material it is made of, it exerts very little force, and cannot restrict anything worthy of notice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Moe's Roadside Grill, ███ ██████, ██████
Current Status: Crumpled up, presumably by accident. Believed to be "dead".

Item Description: A font file named HAPYFASES.TTF. Any text displayed in it appears as excerpts from "Klingon Steed", a 12-novel series of unpublished slash romances. Author and font creator are unacquainted and display no anomalies. Downloadable file replaced with corrupt decoy.
Date of Recovery: 03-06-2009
Location of Recovery: PhreeKrazyFontz.com (Site defunct as of 16-12-2012)
Current Status: Installed on workstation of Senior Researcher Mary Esposito, Site 12

Item Description: An oil painting depicting a sunset over snow-capped mountains. Any human who views the painting is unable to move (excluding blinking and other unconscious movements) until they are deemed to have sufficiently "appreciated" the painting's composition or are forcibly moved by an external force.
Date of Recovery: 12-06-200█
Location of Recovery: ███████ art gallery in ████, Ukraine, having spontaneously appeared in the gallery the day before.
Current Status: In permanent storage following an incident in which Dr. Gently was transfixed for three hours before being removed by security staff.
Notes: Maybe it'd be easier to appreciate the thing if the artist wasn't terrible at conveying depth. - Dr. Gently

Item Description: A plush toy of a golden retriever dog, looking cheaply made in appearance. Subjects describe the plush toy's body to feel unusually realistic. Touching the plush toy's fur is described to feel like dog's fur, touching the mouth is described to feel damp and sticky, and so on.
Date of Recovery: 09-21-1992
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████ Dollar Store, ███████, Louisiana
Current Status: Recreational toy in Site 15 Lounge.

Item Description: A 13 piece set of basic 12-inch rulers that when damaged emit a loud 'screeching' sound then begin to move away from the source of damage.
Date of Recovery: 01-██-20██
Location of Recovery: An abandoned Staples warehouse in Coppell, TX, formerly home to a ████ sex cult and ████ ████.
Current Status: Under testing.

Item Description: It might be a coffee cup that could possibly cause all writing about it to be uncertain.
Date of Recovery: 1999ish?
Location of Recovery: Somewhere in Florida.
Current Status: In storage. Possibly.

Item Description: A nickel-plated pocket watch. Induces a mild trance state in observers when not being swung back and forth like a pendulum.
Date of Recovery: 06-██-20██
Location of Recovery: A flea market in Cairo.
Current Status: Anomalous properties suppressed, safe to observe.
Notes: Did somebody actually build a little machine to keep this thing swinging? I mean, nice job, I guess, but seriously, we could just keep it in a box. - Dr. Micah

Item Description: A copper hoop (152 mm radius) with tubular rim (6.4 mm radius). A groove 1.6 mm wide runs along the inner surface. Three 25.4 mm bar magnets are attached to rails within the groove. These magnets are always equidistant and if given any momentum will rotate around the hoop at a constant velocity without slowing. Any attempt to extract mechanical energy from this system causes it to abruptly stop. All copies have failed to duplicate the perpetual motion of the original device.
Date of Recovery: 08-08-1968
Location of Recovery: Inventors convention, Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: Engineering Research Lab, Site-19

Item Description: A stack of 128 127 around 124 A4 printing papers printed with a variety of content, exact number of sheets undetermined. Every time the stack is counted, a single 1 to 3 a small number of sheets (exact number undetermined and suspected to be random) will disappear.
Date of Recovery: 05-11-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ Building, Shanghai, China. Original stack believed to have consisted of over 400 papers.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 10x10 cm piece of white cardstock bearing two equally-sized black dots. The dots remain adjacent to one another along the direction of the Earth’s equator, no matter which way the card is turned. Anomaly fails to manifest when paper is not held approximately parallel to the ground.
Date of Recovery: 12-11-████
Location of Recovery: The ██PD forensics labs; retrieved from a deceased John Doe.
Current Status: Laminated for preservation purposes, kept in storage.

Item Description: A plastic milk jug which does not experience any gravitational forces. Milk was found to harbor no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 01-12-2015
Location of Recovery: ████████ Recycling Center, ███-█████, Argentina
Current Status: Stolen.

Item Description: A rock possessing telepathic capabilities with a range of a few meters. Mostly mulls over how bored it is. Communication appears to be one-way only.
Date of Recovery: 09-01-████
Location of Recovery: Discovered during investigation of site of an anomalous event by MTF Psi-8 ("The Silencers"). Determined to be unattached to identifiable larger anomaly.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Took several hours to locate which rock was anomalous. My knees hurt. - Agent █████

Item Description: A pig whose appearance is static and shifted downwards by ~.25 meters. Effect is purely visual. The image is as it was when the effect started. The effect was reported to have taken ahold instantly.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Pig farm in ██████, ████
Current Status: Kept as a pet on Site-██ by Junior Researcher Barem.

Item Description: A mummified human foot in a clay jar. Thought to date back to the eighteenth dynasty of Egypt. Anomalous in that genetic testing matches the foot to one Daniel Eichtue-Heau, a resident of modern day California, who presently possesses both his feet. Eichtue-Heau is under surveillance.
Date of Recovery: 06-13-20██
Location of Recovery: Found in the remains of a shrine to the Egyptian goddess Ma’at.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Eichtue-Heau’s left foot was severed in an industrial accident on 02-21-20██. Foot was seized by Foundation personnel and found to share numerous characteristics with the mummified foot. Currently held in cold storage.

Item Description: A soft-boiled egg approx. 0.7 meters in height. Shell is tan in color and speckled with green. DNA testing inconclusive.
Date of Recovery: 12-11-████
Location of Recovery: Retrieved from an illegally-operated restaurant in South America specializing in exotic foods. Other dishes on the menu included snow leopard, chimpanzee, wooly mammoth, human, and SCP-███. Reports indicate that two such eggs had already been served, and that the last was being reserved for a wealthy Chinese stockbroker. The egg was predicted to sell for $█,███,███.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: A printed image of a Jack Russell Terrier that invariably fools observers into believing they are perceiving a living dog of the same breed. Effect can be avoided by observing the image indirectly, such as through a mirror or camera.
Date of Recovery: 09-04-████
Location of Recovery: A pet show in New Orleans.
Current Status: Held in Site-██ kennels. Stored in Site-██ cognitohazard file containment.

Item Description: A letter opener resembling a fifteen (15) cm long miniature claymore. Material is common low-grade stainless steel, the handle is lacquered oak. Material samples taken exhibit no unusual properties. The content of any envelope opened with it is transformed into a poem of appropriate content. Mission reports have been transformed into anything ranging in style from viking sagas to material akin to poems by the War Poets of World War 1, while clerical content usually turns into dadaist or absurdist poetry (especially anything produced by the accounting department of ██████)
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Kept in storage at site ████. Access is usually granted upon written request to Dr. ████████ and for Class A-C personnel.

Item Description: A twin size mattress. Subjects who fall asleep on the mattress will invariably have a dream in which they are forced to consume a live walrus using only a fork and kitchen knife. Whether or not the subject succeeds in the dream appears to be inconsequential.
Date of Recovery: 14-06-1983
Location of Recovery: A furniture store in ███████, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A box of 24 Crayola-brand pencils featuring 3 pencils in colours that don't exist in nature. Listed on the box and on each respective pencil as "moiter," "emilet" and "cankri." These pencils work as expected.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered from a Manna Charitable Foundation establishment located in ███████, Canada.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Probably memetic or something. Gives me a migraine to look at them. Pretty though. - Researcher ████████

Item Description: A 1:1 replica of a .338 caliber Accuracy International AWM sniper rifle, complete with bipod, telescopic sight, magazine, and internal mechanisms, constructed out of various unusually durable edible substances (a significant portion of which is chocolate cake). Despite its composition, item is fully functional as a firearm, capable of chambering and firing .338 Laupa Magnum cartridges.
Date of Recovery: 07-16-2000
Location of Recovery: Sandford, Somerset, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A running car made entirely out of paper scraps. No motor has been found.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a garage with various other non-dangerous cars and such in Site-██.

Item Description: The exact phrase "█████████████", when used as a username on any website. Accounts by this name cannot be banned or deleted, and content uploaded or posted by them cannot be removed, due to computer errors that spontaneously occur during attempts.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2007
Location of Recovery: N/A. First instance identified on social media website Reddit.
Current Status: The operators of the ██ known accounts by this username have been located and amnesticized to prevent usage of these accounts. The username has been registered by the Foundation on as many other sites as possible.

Item Description: A standard coin counting jar with no identifiers of its manufacturers. The jar runs on one (1) triple-A battery, and works as expected, correctly counting the amount of coins placed within. However, all coins placed inside will become pennies of equal amount (e.g., a dime placed inside will become 10 pennies). Outwardly the jar appears full of pennies. If the lid is removed, the coins can be removed as normal, though they still appear as pennies within the jar.
Date of Recovery: 11-11-2011
Location of Recovery: A Walgreen's store at ███ █████, Florida.
Current Status: On the desk of Dr. █████.

Item Description: A stack of three-hundred and sixty-four (364) pieces of personalized stationery. "Messages for Bertrand Bartleby" is inscribed at the top of each. When folded in half, stationery will inscribe itself with the name, physical description, and a chronological record of actions taken by anyone in proximity to the folded paper, using terminology and slang common to turn-of-the-century London.
Date of Recovery: 02-15-2015
Location of Recovery: 412 Missionary Street, London, England.
Current Status: Missing.
Notes: On 06-20-2015, all but one (1) piece of the acquired stationery were reported missing from storage. The remaining piece had been folded in half and left in the empty locker.

Fifteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby enters. Pale, stout, and doughy as a Yorkshire Dumpling. Dress of fine quality. Posture of a well-bred and educated gentleman.

Sixteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby recovers all but one of me. He expresses polite amusement at my recovery.
I am folded in half.

Seventeen Minutes after Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby requests that I begin recording retroactively from the moment he arrived. Additions are made.

Eighteen Minutes after Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby exits.

Twenty-Two Minutes after Seventh Bell, Morning
Quartermaster Victor Louis enters. Tall, athletic, with a distinct mix of European French and African Negro. Dress and posture of unsightly quality.

Twenty-Three Minutes after Seventh Bell, Morning
Victor Louis recognizes that the rest of me is missing. He emits vocalized expressions of vulgarity, suggesting surprise and/or anger typical of lesser upbringing. He approaches with intent to open me.

Item Description: A ██████████ brand mountain bike that, while mounted, experiences a headwind of random speeds from █ m/s to ███ m/s, even in enclosed buildings.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: ███████, Denmark
Current Status: Research ongoing for possible wind power generation.

Item Description: A █████ brand digital camera. When a photograph is taken, resulting photograph reveals scene of photo approximately 4.5 seconds before the exposure took place. Videos taken that are under 4.5 seconds in length are also affected.
Date of Recovery: 04-10-20██
Location of Recovery: Die ██████ Fotografie at ██████████, Germany
Current Status: In Dr. B█████'s office.

Item Description: A VHS tape with a recording of the music video for "Once in a Lifetime" by the band Talking Heads. The segment with the repeated line "Same as it ever was" continues from timecode 1:57 for two hours of non-repeating footage, with David Byrne repeating the line and looking increasingly distraught as hands grip his head.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1980
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: General media storage.
Notes: Crew who worked on the original filming were interviewed. They all agree that no extra footage of this segment was shot.

Item Description: A controller for the █████ console that causes anyone holding it to write/type in '1337', a 'language' that replaces most alphabet letters with alternative ASCII numbers and symbols.
Date of Recovery: 04-15-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████, Illinois, USA
Current Status: In Dr. Albae's Personal Locker.

Item Description: A scorpion that imitates various human mannerisms and speaks fluent English in a British accent.
Date of Recovery: 01-28-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████, Texas, USA
Current Status: Contained in standard terrarium, heat lamp included, at Site ██
Notes: He appears to like tea, despite normal scorpions being strictly carnivorous. - Dr. Henry

Item Description: A pennaceous feather resembling a tail feather from an unknown species of family Accipitridae (hawks, eagles, and vultures). It is brown with white banding, appears to have naturally fallen from its host, and menasures 4m long by 1m wide.
Date of Recovery: 09-14-2011
Location of Recovery: Steppe land approximately 500 km west of Astana, Kazakhstan.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: So we have a giant egg and a giant feather in storage. Where's the giant bird? And why doesn't anybody know about it? - Dr. Argent

Item Description: An unbranded data cable for Android devices. When connected to a compatible device, the device will charge itself even though the data cable is not attached to a visible power supply.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Sent as "Promotional Material" through ███ to Site-██, return address of mail is currently under surveillance by Foundation operatives.
Current Status: Kept in storage in Site-██ for personnel to use.

Item Description: Twelve (12) quill pens that, when placed inside a suitable salt water environment, will animate and behave like a Sea Pen (Pennatulacea). When taken out of water, it will revert back to its original state. The items were discovered after a report of living pens.
Date of Recovery: 08-23-2015
Location of Recovery: A small tank inside ████████, San Diego.
Current Status: Placed in an aquarium at Dr. ██████'s room.

Item Description: A commercial electrician's 22 piece tool set manufactured and sold by ████ █████. Any attempt to take any of the tools in the set without looking directly at it will cause the tool to instantaneously transport a few meters away to a random location. After 5 attempts to retrieve a tool, all tools in the set will transport to a location suitable for them to arrange themselves in an order resembling the ";)" emoticon.
Date of Recovery: 04-18-2013
Location of Recovery: Construction site for Containment Area-████
Current Status: Site-45's Low Priority Containment wing.

Item Description: A writing pad with the words "Do not swaer" [sic] written on every page. Whenever the object is written about, any expletives in the text will automatically be replaced with similar words.
Date of Recovery: 09-08-2015
Location of Recovery: A classroom in the ██████████ school in ██████████, Australia.
Current Status: Kept on a papertray in Researcher ██████'s room.

Item Description: A pair of black men's gloves made of an unknown material. If the items are worn while punching a living thing or inanimate object, large words depicting the sound made will appear for 1.7 seconds within 1 meter of the wearer.
Date of Recovery: 09-08-2015
Location of Recovery: A prop house in Walla Walla, Washington, United States.
Current Status: In Dr. ███████'s office display case.

Item Description: A pencil sharpener that adds back layers of wood to any pencil inserted until it is indiscernible from its original unsharpened form.
Date of Recovery: ██-11-2015
Location of Recovery: A classroom in ██████████, ████████ Africa.
Current Status: In a staff supply closet for reusing pencils. In a locked container in Dr. ███████'s office.

Item Description: A 1-gallon tub of Ben and Jerry's Vanilla Ice Cream. The ice cream itself is continuously kept at 12°C, despite temperature surrounding it. Consumption of the ice cream will cause the taste to change to a random flavor of existing ice cream flavors. However, consumption will automatically trigger an "ice cream headache". The ice cream does not regenerate after consumption.
Date of Recovery: 03-14-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████'s Freezing Goods.
Current Status: Area 23 frozen storage. Consumed.

Item Description: A human skull that, when held, will cause the holder to walk around the room with the skull, acting out the play "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare. After finishing, the holder will place the skull to its original position, and return to normal. When questioned, subjects usually respond with lines from the play.
Date of Recovery: 09-14-2002
Location of Recovery: A drama hall in London, England.
Current Status: A locked display case in Dr. Moreau's office.

Item Description: A male blue shark (Prionace glauca) that swims through the air like it would through water.
Date of Recovery: 11-16-2013
Location of Recovery: Miami, Florida
Current Status: On-Site terrarium at Site-B14
Notes: Will eat anything a normal shark would, but seems to prefer dog food. - Dr. Uhlman

Item Description: A stovepipe style hat that, when worn by a human and viewed by one or more penguins, will exert a force on the wearer accelerating them upward at a rate of 1 m/s2 per observer. Under normal circumstances, 10 or more observers are required to overcome the forces of gravity.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Zoo, ██, ██
Current Status: Site-37 storage wing.

Item Description: A double-six domino that cannot be knocked over. When pushed with a great amount of force, it knocks down the object that pushed it with a similar amount of force. Should a human push it, it bends the finger(s) that pushed the domino downward.
Date of Recovery: 03-28-1996
Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts
Current Status: Placed against the wall in Site-4's storage compartment.

Item Description: One cassette tape entitled The Best of Queen. When left unobserved in close proximity to other cassette tapes, item will transmogrify the tapes into exact copies of itself.
Date of Recovery: 09-20-1982
Location of Recovery: The floorboard of Agent ██████'s car.
Current Status: Site-88's music wing.

Item Description: A gray analog alarm clock that sounds like the owner's primary maternal figure when reaching its set specific time.
Date of Recovery: 10-28-2015
Location of Recovery: Ithaca, New York
Current Status: Kept in storage. Destroyed by Agent ███████. Agent reprimanded.

Item Description: A seemingly standard U.S. quarter. When flipped, it has a 33% chance of landing on a third side not normally visible. This third side depicts an engraving similar in appearance and format to the special state quarters; however, it depicts a state that does not exist. The state depicted is called "New Caulde", and according to the coin, was founded in 1919. The engraving depicts a hammer and a nail over a stylized image of a tree.
Date of Recovery: 03-10-1989
Location of Recovery: Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: In storage. Testing must be approved by Dr. Cox.

Item Description: A table with a circular area approximately 20 cm in diameter that remains at a constant 37°C, no matter the surrounding temperatures.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Current Status: In the Site-19 Break Room for use by staff (request to move to storage pending)

Item Description: A relatively small maple tree that shows effects opposite to the season currently underway. There are no ill effects on its health in spite of being unable to sufficiently photosynthesize due to the anomaly.
Date of Recovery: 07-21-1984
Location of Recovery: A park in █████
Current Status: Relocated to an outdoor compartment of Site-██. Object retains anomalous property after relocation.

Item Description: A complex ritual which, when performed correctly, causes the manifestation of a single pepperoni pizza. Ritual was originally written on a receipt from a local pizzeria for one large pepperoni pizza.
Date of Recovery: 11-16-1993
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: Original receipt is kept in a low security filing cabinet at Site-17.
Notes: Investigation of pizzeria showed no signs of further anomalous activity.

Item Description: A colony of lesser flamingo (Phoenicopterus minor), numbering 1441 in population at time of recovery, whose members were mutually intangible. Breeding attempts resulted in completely intangible offspring.
Date of Recovery: 04-18-1952
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Namibia
Current Status: All known members are deceased. The remains displayed no anomalous properties and were incinerated.

Item Description: An animate common iguana made completely of plant matter. Iguana was unable to reproduce as no female version of the creature had been found. Consumed insect matter.
Date of Recovery: 04-12-1983
Location of Recovery: Sewers beneath ███████
Current Status: Died at average age; genetic information stored at Site-██.

Item Description: A worn out dartboard that cannot be hit by any player, regardless of skill level. Despite missing, the user will believe that they scored a bullseye and boast about their skills for a period of time between 4 and 110 minutes.
Date of Recovery: 09-27-1963
Location of Recovery: A pub in Cork, Ireland
Current Status: In storage at Site-77

Item Description: A small toy in the shape of a domesticated pig with wings that animates at will. Item behaves in a manner similar to its biological counterpart, with the only exception being that it uses flight as its primary mode of transportation.
Date of Recovery: 05-10-2001
Location of Recovery: Houston, Texas
Current Status: Contained in storage on Site-18.

Item Description: A chocolate-dipped granola bar that, when consumed, seems to have the missing portion regrow on one end of the bar.
Date of Recovery: 02-17-2015
Location of Recovery: ███████, Ontario
Current Status: In storage at Site-██'s cafeteria. Flattened, however anomalous effects haven't been nullified.
Note: Researchers and their brains. Always wanting to know more… smashed my damn chocolate bar in the process. - Agent █████

Item Description: A cardboard box. All physical documentation of item spontaneously translocates to inside the box itself.
Date of Recovery: 01-01-2016
Location of Recovery: ████, Georgia, USA
Current Status: In storage
Addition: Attempts to keep audio-only recordings resulted in the recording devices moving to inside the box.

Item Description: A piece of information that when put through all mediums tested (image, txt, .mp3, ant genome, AIAD, [REDACTED]), alters itself to produce the same description/image of a purple flower.
Date of Recovery: 04-02-2016
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]'s digital camera, after being struck by lighting.
Current Status: Contained in Anomalous Data Storage Drive-14.

Item Description: A paper that causes every other word written on it to be turned into an expletive.
Date of Recovery: 01-24-19██
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School
Current Status: In Site-██'s storage locker.
I @!$#@$@ don't damnit what the @!$# is. I'm @!$#@$@ on @!$# right @!$ and @!$#@ fine. Dr.████

Entry Portrayal: An antique lexicon which necessitates readers to communicate in unnecessary serpentine synonyms after perusing it. Periodically synonyms interdict the prepense definition.
Occasion of Retrieval: 13-02-19██ A.D.
Venue of Retrieval: ██████ Athenaeum, Romania
Contemporary State: In stockpile
Notation: Human resources who I toil with are now necessitated to use dictionaries when in a tête-à-tête with me. - Dr. M██████

Item Description: A VHS Player ████ when described, changes the letters of random words ██ any description █████ it to the Unicode █████████ known as a 'FULL BLOCK' (█). While the ███ Player itself ███ not been observed ██ show any anomalous ███████ aside from this.
████ of Recovery: 09-04-2015
Location ██ Recovery: São Paulo, Brazil
Current Status: Contained in ███████ on ████-18.

Item Description: A standard AR-15 Combat Rifle that, when fired, produces anomalous amounts of smoke from the gun barrel.
Date of Recovery: 02-17-2015
Location of Recovery: Munich, Germany
Current Status: Stored in the Task Force Nu-7 Headquarters Armory

Item Description: A common goldfish (Carassius auratus), genetically within normal parameters for its species. It is in no way anomalous.
Notes: Dr. Serion is no longer permitted to edit this document without O5-Approval.
Item Description: A common goldfish (Carassius auratus) that sporadically explodes, before spontaneously reassembling. The detonations are sufficient to shatter aquarium glass, and have so far killed 10.
Date of Recovery: 02-05-2016
Location of Recovery: House of Dr. Serion, NY, United States
Current Status: Kept in plastic bowl in the level 2 testing lab of Site-24. Fed twice daily.

Item Description: A plastic toddler spoon that attempts to gouge out the eyes of anyone who comes within six (6) meters of it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2016
Location of Recovery: ████ ███████, Colorado
Current Status: In storage
Notes: The spoon is neither sharp enough nor heavy enough to do any real damage, just slightly uncomfortable. Goggles are recommended to anyone working with it.████

Item Description: A standard MPK5 SMG. When fired, it instead emits a high-pitched voice that attempts to mimic the expected sound of the weapon firing.
Date of Recovery: 09-18-2012
Location of Recovery: Lynchwood, ███ ████
Current Status: In storage; pending destruction

Item Description: A 2kg block of gorgonzola cheese, which will continuously emit 1970s disco-funk at 65dB when within 12m of any male with a moustache.
Date of Recovery: 01-01-2000
Location of Recovery: AltMod Discoteque, Antwerp, Belgium
Current Status: In storage at all-female Site 12

Item Description: An empty portrait frame, area of 1.25 m x 0.75 m. Anyone who makes eye-contact with the object will see it as a portrait of themselves. Staring at this object more than 2 minutes will result in death.
Date of Recovery: 11-08-1999
Location of Recovery: Sicily, Italy
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A 20cm x 20cm x 20cm wooden block that casts a shadow shaped like a common house cat.
Date of Recovery: 02-03-2016
Location of Recovery:Lisbon, Portugal
Current Status: Dr. ████████'s office

Item Description: A Slinky able to turn corners.
Date of Recovery: 01-03-2016
Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada
Current Status: Undergoing testing in CN Tower stairwell
Notes: Also crosses short landings, up to 1.4m, as long as there are more stairs.

Item Description: A human brain in a mobile vat of nutrients, equipped with camera and speech synthesizer. It claims to be Zargox Quaglofan, 23rd century secret agent on a temporal mission to prevent the rise of the Insectoid Empire in 1976.
Date of Recovery: 09-23-2011
Location of Recovery: A crater at Site 136
Current Status: Head of Records, Site 136
Notes: It appears to be delusional, but it's a very good file clerk. - Dr. Danger

Item Description: A titanium spork. Any food eaten with this utensil will be perceived to be slightly less spicy than the maximum the eater is readily capable of tolerating. No chemical changes to the food, or physiological changes to the user are noted, this item only affects perception.
Date of Recovery: 04-16-2016
Location of Recovery: The Site 88 cafeteria.
Current Status: In the Site 88 general storage wing, small item storage locker.
Notes: Correction — It's supposed to be in the storage locker, but keeps ending up back in the cafeteria utensil rack. I better not catch whoever keeps doing this. - Dr. Rachasthani

Item Description: A toilet. Any animal that comes into contact with the toilet will burst into laughter even if they don't have the vocal cords to do so.
Date of Recovery: 02-12-2005
Location of Recovery: The Site-66 bathroom.
Current Status: Broken after Dr. █████ dropped item during transport to Site-66 Storage Room.

Item Description: A white sock that whenever worn, turns out to be inside out, completely independent from how to sock was actually put on.
Date of Recovery: 01-04-2002
Location of Recovery: Originally in possession of Agent ██████
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A brown paper grocery bag. When placed on the head of a human being, the wearer's face cannot be revealed in any way other than removing the bag on their own. Any other attempts will remove the bag, only to reveal another bag underneath, still covering the head of the wearer. Removed copies no longer display anomalous effect. Attempts to cut holes in the bag have failed. Deceased subjects do not seem to trigger anomalous effect in the object.
Date of Recovery: 04-13-2009
Location of Recovery: A ████████ Supermarket location in ██████, ██, in employee break room.
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A retractable pen with a spring-based clicker. In addition to the two states such a pen would normally have (retracted and extended), there exists a 'third' state where the pen tip appears to retract and extend again; when attempting to write in this third state, the pen will start making a continuous, bass-heavy noise as it makes contact with the writing surface. Disassembly of the pen has revealed no origin as to the source of the sound; the anomalous effect only functions when the pen is completely reassembled.
Date of Recovery: 08-16-2015
Location of Recovery: ███████████ High School, █████ USA
Current Status: In storage, Site-23

Item Description: A copper fountain in a public space outside [REDACTED]. During the daytime, the fountain does not display any anomalous properties; however, at any point in the night after 22:30 when the fountain is not being observed, all coins at the bottom of the fountain will inexplicably disappear. Inexplicably, this will only occur if there are at least 1945cm3 of water in the fountain.
Date of Recovery: 16-02-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Czech Republic
Current Status: Disassembled in a Foundation-owned warehouse.
Notes: The groundskeeper at the location of recovery was aware of the fountain's anomalous property, but didn't report it because 'it made his job easier'. I sympathise, but still, with the length of time he's been exposed to the anomaly, I'd recommend a Class-E amnestic for him. - Agent █████

I'll look into clearing it with the Ethics Committee. And as for the people telling me this should receive full SCP status - it's a fountain that eats your coins. Nothing more. - Dr. Ryken

Item Description: A whiteboard that anything written on it perfectly mirrors itself within 20 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: █████ ███████ School
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A silver wristwatch which, when laid on any surface, will soft boil an egg placed on it. No other anomalous properties recorded.
Date of Recovery: 05-03-20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, New Mexico.
Current Status: In the possession of Dr. Michael ███████ for personal use.
Notes: This is absolutely useless; however, it does make preparing lunch at work easier as I don't have to wait to use the stove in the kitchen. No, you can't have it, it's mine! - Dr. Michael ███████

Item Description: An open case of 20 tubes of hair gel. Application of the hair gel to the scalp of any primate will cause hair to grow, recede, or change length until the primate's hair resembles a 1980s style mullet.
Date of Recovery: 08-12-2016
Location of Recovery: Basement of █████ Barber Shop, Waxahachie, TX
Current Status: In Site-17 storage.
Notes: Product appears to be mislabeled. All packaging indicates the product will give the user a 1950s pompadour.

Item Description: A large conch seashell, 30 cm in length. When the opening is held to a human ear, a dial tone is produced from within the shell. No method of dialing the item (if such is possible) has yet been determined.
Date of Recovery: 04-05-2012
Location of Recovery: Obtained from the seashore of Mindil Beach, Australia.
Current Status: Functioning as an aquarium decoration in Site-82.

Item Description: A wireless black PlayStation 4 controller that will connect to Nintendo 64 entertainment consoles and nothing else. Tests have shown that all internals of the controller are unmodified and correctly programmed yet there is still no understanding of how N64s receive the signal broadcasted by the controller.
Date of Recovery: 01-24-2016
Location of Recovery: Obtained from a house in █████████, California
Current Status: In storage. Request for transfer to Area 43 break room pending.

Item Description: A mundane hockey puck. Slides across all surfaces it is placed on, with no observable friction.
Date of Recovery: 03-04-2016
Location of Recovery: Surrendered by the ice hockey club of Darwin, Australia.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A coverless book with 50 pages, when opened it will display pages from different parts of different novels and books, there are no set patterns to what pages that appears in it. The pages will randomise again if book is closed and reopened.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1988
Location of Recovery: On a bookshelf in a public library located in ████████, Hong Kong.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A small white dresser. Upper drawer contains different assortment of items each time it is opened, usually consistent with mundane drawer clutter. Any items placed inside are no longer present when the drawer is closed and reopened. The lower drawer similarly shifts contents, but instead is always uniformly filled with a single substance or collection of identical objects; previously observed examples include shale gravel, pine pitch, unmarked gold ingots, 1985 US pennies with identical scratches and surface features, 150 chrome steel objects of uncertain function, Bing cherries, and crushed woodwind reeds.
Date of Recovery: 10-14-2003
Location of Recovery: ███████, █████, during a raid on a known Marshall, Carter, and Dark warehouse.
Current Status: Low-risk Anomalous Item storage.
Notes: After brief testing, item was determined to be non-hazardous. Request for further testing as a possible disposal for hazardous items is pending.

Item Description: A minor infohazard. Anything describing its physical appearance will automatically be redacted.
Date of Recovery: 04-16-2016
Location of Recovery: Reykjavik, Iceland
Current Status: Placed within storage.

Item Description: A karaoke machine. Anyone who talks in the microphone will have their voice changed to that of a Japanese teenage girl, with anything spoken or sung being automatically translated as well. The voice itself varies slightly from person to person.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2002
Location of Recovery: A nightclub in █████ Prefecture
Current Status: Stationed at Site-32's break room for recreation.

Item Description: A vial of white powder that is capable of causing severe headaches.
Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Recovery: Brooklyn, New York
Current Status: Destroyed in incinerator I-22.

Item Description: A self-reviewing notebook. A short piece of criticism will be written after any text written in the book. As well as reviewing fiction for its value as a novel, it appears to be able to fact check both fiction and nonfiction, and will suggest potential improvements.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: A book of the week club in ██ Spain.
Current Status: In storage at Site-14. Suggestion for use as an aid to research in anomalous and mainstream studies pending approval.

Item Description: A single feather that appears to be constantly changing in color, the feather's color seems to change approximately every two seconds. When music is played within a 12 meter radius, the feather reacts to this stimuli by changing colors much quicker than normal, much like a strobe light, the speed of which it changes seems to vary depending on the speed, beat, tone, and tempo of the song/music being played.
Date of Recovery: 07-2█-20██
Location of Recovery: Found in what appears to be an old and abandoned club in ██████, Philippines.
Current Status: Kept in storage and used during Christmas parties.

Item Description: A maths textbook whose contents can only be remembered by smoking the pages. Pages regenerate after thirty minutes.
Date of Recovery: 16-7-2010
Location of Recovery: █████ █████, Australia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A man in his mid-30's, capable of twirling any object on his index finger at extreme speeds, regardless of size, mass, chemical composition, or shape of said object in relation to his own body.
Date of Recovery: 03-06-2012
Location of Recovery: Sunderland, Massachusetts
Current Status: In low-threat humanoid containment, Site-12

Item Description: A 4oz cup of ████ brand applesauce, contents nonperishable. Expiration date always matches current date.
Date of Recovery: 6-18-2016
Location of Recovery: Gold Hill, Oregon
Current Status: Inadvertently consumed by Junior Researcher ██████. ██████ suffered mild indigestion but recovered within 12 hours.

Item Description: A █████████ █████ brand record player. Only plays "What is Love?" by Haddaway, no matter what record is placed in it.
Date of Recovery: 05-25-2011
Location of Recovery: A record store in Kiev, Ukraine
Current Status: In the office of Dr. ███████, at his personal request.
What? I really like the song. - Dr. ███████

Item Description: A goldfish which produces a constant stream of fresh water from its mouth at the rate of 10.9 L/s.
Date of Recovery: 12-10-2016
Location of Recovery: Rhodehampton, New South Wales
Current Status: Forcibly imploded following a blockage in the drainage system for its tank.

Item Description: A 3D jigsaw sphere whose pieces, when disassembled, form two identical copies of the same sphere. Lost pieces of an individual sphere will occasionally be found inside another sphere when disassembling it.
Date of Recovery: 07-03-2016
Location of Recovery: Bowral, New south Wales
Current Status: Initially, three completed puzzles were recovered – the pieces for fifteen more were found inside those spheres. Further testing has resulted in the construction of four additional whole spheres.

Item Description: A blank portrait sized canvas similar in appearance to SCP-1074. Whenever a memetic or info hazardous object is painted on the canvas, it will transfer into the painting. (Yes, even SCP-1074 itself.)
Date of Recovery: 7-11-2016
Location of Recovery: Augusta, Kansas.
Current Status: Deemed neutralized once SCP-055 was painted onto the canvas. Last seen in a containment locker in Site 17.
How the hell did someone manage to draw 055 onto this? -Dr. ████

Item Description: A cube constructed of concrete which will produce a sap from the ████ tree every two (2) to four (4) hours. Sap has been tested but has proven to have no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██-20-1998
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], Switzerland
Current Status: In the storage of Area 01 Site 17 with weekly cleaning from Janitorial Crews. Personnel under the security level of two (2) should not be permitted near the object following the near destruction of the object by Dr. James Write.
Note: I'm surprised that the sap has no anomalous properties. I mean, where does it come from? How is the sap made? Maybe it's a hidden form of teleportation! - Dr. Houston

Item Description: A Mac-Book that when any video is played using the device will redirect to a video of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-200█
Location of Recovery: █████, Arizona
Current Status: Undergoing maintenance after unknown damaging of screen.
Did this computer just rick roll me? - Dr. Animus

Item Description: A D20 die that will never land on anything greater than 5.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████ D.N.D. club
Current Status: In Site-██'s storage closet

Item Description: A signed picture of Ethan Klein from the YouTube channel "h3h3Productions", that causes the viewer to cough until it is taken out of their line of sight.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2016
Location of Recovery: In the personal collection of the deceased ██████ ████
Current Status: In a low-value containment locker at Site-37.
Site personnel are not to place bets on how long they can look at this item for. Also, whoever found this, keep it up, proud of you. - Site Director Levy

Item Description: A Standard Computer Keyboard, Connected By A USB Cord. When The Peripheral Is Connected To Any Computer, It Automatically Capitalizes All Words Typed By It. There Are No Apparent Restrictions To This Effect.
Date of Recovery: 11-09-2016
Location of Recovery: ████ ███████, Ohio, USA
Current Status: Connected To The PC Of Dr. ███████
Note: I Don't Mind Typing Like This. It's Pretty Fun To @!$# People Off With It. - Dr. ███████

Item Description: A Northern Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottus) that can imitate any human phrase spoken to it. However, it always repeats these phrases in German, regardless of what language they were initially spoken in.
Date of Recovery: 11-14-2016
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], North Carolina
Current Status: In a low-security animal containment unit at Site-65

Item Description: A combat knife with a serrated blade and a wooden handle. whenever this knife is used with the intention of harm the knife blade will disappear through unknown means. This event is un-observable and happens instantaneously. When in this anomalous state any person(s) "stabbed" with the knife will instantaneously and unavoidably whisper the phrase "I'm dead" and lie down. After about 4 minutes the victim will reawaken unharmed with no recollection of the event.
Date of Recovery: 05-09-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████████/███
Current Status: Secured in Site-78's non-sentient storage wing
Note: When we found this █████ wouldn't stop stabbing me with it. Couldn't stop the bastard either. - ████████ from Recovery Team ███

Item Description: A purple and black mechanical pencil. Examination shows no brand names or logos anywhere on the surface of the object. When the top of the mechanical pencil is pushed down it reveals standard pencil lead. Testing reveals that although the pencil only seems to have 10 cm of this lead every time the top is pushed down more appears instantaneously. Any attempts to remove the pencil lead from the object have resulted in failure.
Date of Recovery: 07-05-2007
Location of Recovery: █████████ Secondary School. █████████, ███████
Current Status: In possession of Assistant Researcher ███████. Lost.

Item Description: An empty USB flash drive. Describing the object in question on any electronic program will cause each word in the document to redirect to a seemingly random YouTube video. If a YouTube user is mentioned within the document, it will link to one of their videos (E.G. "PewDiePie").
Date of Recovery: 19-06-2002
Location of Recovery: Connected to the computer of Foundation containment specialist ██████.
Current status: ██████████.

Item Description: A 36 year old Caucasian male who constantly demands physical contact with human beings, despite being completely inside-out. He doesn't show the need to breathe, eat, drink or excrete waste matter. A translucent secretion covers his body which causes all homo sapiens who come into contact with it to explode violently in a matter of seconds.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-2008
Location of Recovery: Found wandering the streets in Los Angeles, California
Current Status: Contained in a sealed chamber in Site-88's sentient anomaly wing.
Note: Under no circumstances are personnel to use the secreted goo for pranks or practical jokes. Remember the golden rule, you wouldn't want someone to make you explode with shiny goo from a strange inside-out man. - Dr. Blackbox

Item Description: A 3 liter sample of freshwater in a standard soda bottle that does not change its physical state regardless of temperature.
Date of Recovery: 11-25-2014
Location of Recovery: ██████ office building in ███████, Florida.
Current Status: In storage at Site-███.

Item Description: A volcano-shaped cake that erupts approximately every 30 days with either red, luminescent icing or 1500 degrees centigrade lava. The cake is both immune to this lava and doesn't go stale. The item has no place to store either of the liquids it erupts
Date of Recovery: 04-13-2007
Location of Recovery: A Pompeiian bakery.
Current Status: Held in Site-██ Cafeteria cold-storage Went into dormancy after being exposed to continual cold-storage temperatures. Currently in heated room to attempt to 'revive' the item.

Item Description: A monarch butterfly (Danaus plexippus) approximately 7.5x smaller than average members of its species (measured 5 millimeters in wingspan)
Date of Recovery: 03-13-2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Mexico
Current Status: Contained within a terrarium in Site-66 Deceased as of 07-25-2016

Item Description: A Heckler & Koch HK416 D10RS carbine. When the fire selector is set to a setting other than "Safe", any lifeform who comes in contact with the weapon will spontaneously hear the song "Shoot to Thrill" by the band AC/DC playing on a loop for as long as they remain in contact.
Date of Recovery: 04-11-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████ gun show, Texas, United States
Current Status: In storage at Site-19. Available at request for firing range usage.

Item Description: A name tag with the name "Steve" written on the front. Upon placing the name tag on a person's chest, the person will claim that their name has always been Steve, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 08-16-2016
Location of Recovery: ██████ CO, United States
Current Status: In storage at Site-17

Item Description: An Armenian style crucifix that emits high pitched squeals by unknown means when exposed to poultry products.
Date of Recovery: 04-17-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Armenia
Current Status: In a safe located at Site-19.

Item Description: A chess set made from English Oak. When the pieces are moved on the board they generate specific sounds audible only to the players. Moving a piece creates sounds similar to clanging metal or galloping horses, while removing a piece from play generates sounds of punching or clashing metal. At the end of a game a trumpet fanfare will play for 3 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 13-02-1992
Location of Recovery: ████ █████ ███ █████ Primary School, Serbia
Current Status: In the Area 53 break room.

Item Description: An apple tree whose fruit has been described as abnormally delicious. Any human who consumes a fruit from the tree will be propelled south by southeast away from ██°██'██.█"N ██°██'██.█"E at 87 kph.
Date of Recovery: 05-08-2012
Location of Recovery: Mt. Ararat, Turkey
Current Status: Relocated to Site-██'s arboretum.

Item Description: A standard bathroom mirror. Any reflections of humans it casts appear to stare at the subject in shock or horror, regardless of actions performed while reflected. Only eye movement is asynchronous with subject movement.
Date of Recovery: 14-11-2015
Location of Recovery: London, Britain
Current Status: In storage at Site-██

Item Description: A wooden door, painted white. At exactly 11:30 PM local time, a knock is heard from the side not being observed. If both sides are observed, knocks will emanate from both sides simultaneously.
Date of Recovery: 14-11-2015
Location of Recovery: London, Britain.
Current Status: In storage at Site-██

Item Description: A standard kitchen sink. Humans over the age of 21 with at least one child under the age of 16 consistently sees it as full of dirty dishes, regardless of its current state. Humans under the age of 18 see it as completely empty, again regardless of current state.
Date of Recovery: 14-11-2015
Location of Recovery: London, Britain
Current Status: In storage at Site-██

Item Description: A red plastic ████ brand hockey stick that, when used to simulate the act of playing a guitar, will cause the song "Through The Fire and Flames" by the rock band Dragonforce to play. The sound appears to emerge from the stick. The music will stop if the song is played to the end or if the individual using it stops simulating guitar playing.
Date of Recovery: 15-12-2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, Kentucky
Current Status: In storage at Site-50

Item Description: 10 instances of A4 sized standard 70 gram HVS paper. When flipped, the paper would always be empty regardless of tools or substances used, including oil paint, oil, permanent marker, water paint, pencil, fountain pen, ballpoint pen, garlic and similar thermal-sensitive ink, tomato, blood, and ultraviolet ink. No sign of previous inscription remained after the paper was flipped. Torn instances show no apparent anomaly.
Date of Recovery: 02-10-2016
Location of Recovery: Medan, Indonesia.
Current Status: In storage at Site-42.

Item Description: A candle that never melts while lit. Instead of melting, the candle randomly changes its scent every 5 minutes.
Date of Recovery: 12-01-2016
Location of Recovery: Alaska.
Current Status: In storage for use as a holiday meal centerpiece.

Item Description: A photograph of a ██████. In spite of no evidence for its existence being present, it will cause those who talk about it to insist upon its existence. Contents of the photograph are debated.
Date of Recovery: Unknown
Location of Recovery: Unknown
Current Status: Unknown; existence of object debated. Staff frequently report that the photo is hung in ███████████'s office.

Item Description: A wooden chair that, when sat in by a homo sapiens in front of a desk, will cause the aforementioned homo sapiens to say in their native language that they are "very busy". Primates will vocalize in English.
Date of Recovery: 02-17-2011
Location of Recovery: Memphis, Tennessee.
Current Status: In Storage In Dr. ███████'s office.

Item Description: 32 sheets of paper that will animate drawings upon them for 15 seconds after being drawn. Animated drawings do not exhibit awareness of the three dimensional area around them.
Date of Recovery: 09-26-2015
Location of Recovery: A FedEx Office Print & Ship Center in Plymouth, Minnesota.
Current Status: Site-42's recreational room.

Item Description: A picture that changes based on the current holiday. On non-holidays, it is a picture of a Siamese cat. An unidentified male voice gives the appropriate greeting for the holiday to anyone who looks at the picture.
Date of Recovery: 01-01-2010
Location of Recovery: A house in London.
Current Status: Hung on a wall in Site-19's main lobby.

Item Description: A sculpture of Santa that says "Ho-ho-ho" to anyone who goes near it at night. It also yells out the last naughty act of anyone on the naughty list who goes near it.
Date of Recovery: 12-24-2015
Location of Recovery: A house in California.
Current Status: On the fireplace in Site-19's main lounge.

Item Description: A set of candy canes which regenerate when consumed, and causes any kid who consumes one to be exceptionally nice for 30 days. Subsequent consumptions renew this period of niceness.
Date of Recovery: 12-01-200█.
Location of Recovery: A candy store in ███████, California.
Current Status: In Site-██'s Cafeteria for snacks.
If we could take our kids to work, they would enjoy these. -Agent ██████.

Item Description: An ornate compass. Regardless of magnetic interference or any other variables, the object's needle will always point towards the location of a woman named ████████ █████.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: Perugia, Italy
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A juicy blender made by █████ Inc. All comments about its juiciness will be altered immediately after writing to mention how juicy it is at regular intervals, sometimes adding text to accommodate the object's juicy properties that was not originally written. All added text about the juicy blender will be in the style of the original writing, although text will not be added if there is not enough space.
Date of Recovery: 07-17-2010
Location of Recovery: Kansas City, KS, USA
Current Status: In storage to properly contain the object's juiciness.
Notes: █████ Inc. denies creation of the juicy object. Investigation into the matter revealed that the effect transferred to all blenders created by █████ Inc. other than the juicy one for exactly one minute beginning at 8:29 CST, on 07-03-2010. █████ Inc. is to be monitored by the Foundation for further anomalous activity, although one of their blenders is juicy.

Item Description: A pile of dirt in a pot that contain the remains of a moth orchid (Phalaenopsis).
Date of Recovery: 12-23-2016
Location of Recovery: Minot, ND, USA
Current Status: In the botanical storage facility of Site-██ In storage.
Notes: All text about it will alter itself immediately after it is not observed by any human or humanoid. These alterations will override the last section of text on the documentation to include a description of the item's anomalous properties. If there is already a section of text describing them, it will simply be moved, still overriding the last section. Object's properties appear to stay even after the plant itself died of natural causes. - Dr. Morpho

Item Description: A collection of 20 "bath bombs" that are space themed, subjects that go in water affected by the bath bombs claim to be in space on a "mission to save earth from the evil space alien Zargop".
Date of Recovery: 11-16-2016
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], USA
Current Status: In Storage Site-156, chemical testing begins on █████.

Item Description: A steam iron. When used, clothing being ironed will emit a loud scream as long as direct contact with the iron is kept.
Date of Recovery: 01-03-2017
Location of Recovery: Washington, England
Current Status: In Storage at Site-17.

Item Description: A dog1.jpg. When described in any digital text format, the description will immediately be replaced with a JPEG image of dog2.jpg, varying in appearance and quality.
Date of Recovery: 19-01-2017
Location of Recovery: The house of the █████ family, Sunderland, England.
Current Status: Low-security animal containment unit at Site-17.
Note: Her name is Elsie. - Dr. Weppler

Item Description: A yellow stress ball that, when looked at or held for any period of time longer than two minutes, will result in the subject suffering a heart attack and expiring.
Date of Recovery: 12-10-2016
Location of Recovery: Agent Ross's office desk at Site-12
Current Status: In storage at Site-12's High-Security Visual Hazard Ward.

Item Description: A dog of indeterminate appearance that can only been seen and interacted with by people who do not have any living pets. The dog's appearance, size and breed changes between viewings, although all subjects universally agree on its physical location.
Date of Recovery: 13-09-2016
Location of Recovery: RSPCA shelter in Rhodehampton, Australia
Current Status: Neutralised after adoption by Dr. Ellis.

Item Description: A purple leather bandanna that, when worn, makes the wearer absolutely obedient of those in higher authority than themselves.
Date of Recovery: 09-26-████
Location of Recovery: Tegucigalpa, Honduras.
Current Status: -In Site 15 storage In Director █████'s office.

Item Description: A pair of dumbbells with no label telling the exact weight. When used, users will report that it is the perfect weight for physical exercise.
Date of Recovery: 07-13-████
Location of Recovery: Anytime Fitness Center, Madison, Wisconsin.
Current Status: In Site-15's break room.

Item Description: A piece of white printer paper with a realistic drawing of an unknown species of mushroom. When making direct visual contact with the paper, subjects have vivid hallucinations, as well as increased levels of dopamine.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2018
Location of Recovery: █████████, CA, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A █████-brand roll of household toilet paper which, instead of getting less after usage, increases its overall length after 6 hours by 5.15% of it's total mass.
Date of Recovery: ██-07-1992
Location of Recovery: █████████, Germany
Current Status: Used in Site 15 bathroom near break room.

Item Description: A fluorescent orange plastic vuvuzela that, when played, renders the user invisible to the naked eye or cameras.
Date of Recovery: 05-06-2010
Location of Recovery: Johannesburg, South Africa
Current Status: In Safe-level storage. Missing. In storage.
Notes: Don't be stupid. We might not see you, but we sure can hear you. - Site 17 Security

Item Description: A small tire track eel (Mastacembelus Armatus) that can float through the air and somehow does not require respiration.
Date of Recovery: 07-01-20██
Location of Recovery: A pet shop in Burlingame, California.
Current Status: In biological storage in Site-██. Original object died of natural causes, anomalous properties did not remain. Object's offspring exhibited the same anomalous properties of the original object after maturing. Remaining subjects kept in biological storage in Site-███.

Item Description: A ████ █-███ Pickup Truck. When any person who attempts to enter or climb onto the bed of the truck without permission of the owner (typically the current driver), they will be unable to do so, even if assisted through external means.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████████ City, Philippines
Current Status: Being used by Agent R████████.
Notes: It's useful. Too many damn kids have tried to hitch a ride on my truck before. - Agent R████████

Item Description: A Boeing 767-12ER aircraft that took off from PHX Sky Harbor Airport in Pheonix Arizona on 12-11-1990. Once airborne, the plane climbed to an altitude of 1200 feet before suddenly stopping in mid-air. It is suspected that all inside the plane suffered the the same effect as passings by other aircraft have shown people but no movement or sound.
Date of Recovery: 12-12-90
Location of Recovery: 4233 Meters south-west of Pheonix, Arizona.
Current Status: Shot down under direct order of Site-12's Director, Dr. Lang, on 11-03-15. No anomalous effects remain in the pocket of air where the air plane had been and the plane's wreckage shows no anomalous effects whatsoever. The plane's wreckage is currently stored at Site-12's Non-Anomalous Storage Lab.

The corpse of █████ R. ████, a former filing assistant for the Foundation who was KIB on 06-07-2017. Any text about the object will be altered immediately after writing to be more organized, often to an inflated or unnecessary degree.

Item Description: A waterborne neurological disease with minor symptoms. Infected hosts become very polite, neat, and develop a liking for bow ties. Disease is easily fought off by immune system.
Date of Recovery: 06-04-████
Location of Recovery: Several cities in Lithuania.
Current Status: Samples in storage.

Item Description: A wallet that, when closed, automatically empties whatever is inside.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Raleigh, North Carolina
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: Can't believe I lost twenty bucks to this @!$#@$@!, glad it was incinerated. - Dr. Joseph

Item Description: An █████ brand controller that compels the user to throw it after dying in any game.
Date of Recovery: 06-15-████
Location of Recovery: New Jersey ████ Gaming Convention
Current status: In Site-14 storage. Currently searching for other specimens.

Item Description: A bag of ██████ brand chocolate morsels. Eating more than one piece at a time results in the chocolate tasting strongly of human fecal matter.
Date of Recovery: 07-02-2013
Location of Recovery: █████ ███ ████ Bakery in Allentown, New York
Current status: In Site-53 cold storage.

Item Description: A horror movie poster that changes to another horror movie poster every night. Anyone who looks at it gets nightmares and eventually gets too tired to do anything.
Date of Recovery: 10-10-2010.
Location of Recovery: Hollywood.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A red ballpoint pen that has magnetic properties despite being made of non-magnetic materials.
Date of Recovery: 01-19-████
Location of Recovery: ███████████ Middle School
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: An oven that "bakes" people
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ School of █████ ███████
Current Status: Site-19, being used as a replacement for SCP-420-J
Notes: This is the best ████ in the world, man -Dr ██████

Item Description: A black ballpoint pen that writes down the opposite of what the user is trying to write.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: The office of Dr. Keyser.
Current Status: Located in the office of Dr. Keyser.
Notes: I think I'll keep this when I retire. - Dr. Keyser

Item Description: A female specimen of Gallus gallus domesticus, the domesticated hen. Eggs produced by it do not contain yolk or amniotic fluids, but are instead filled with a random common cooking ingredient, such as milk, flour, or chocolate. Immediately after oviposition, the item will breach the shell and consume the contents of the egg if not prevented from doing so.
Date of Recovery: 01-07-2017
Location of Recovery: Thornton, Colorado.
Current Status: Contained in the aviary of Site-24.

Item Description: A packet of cat food that tastes like dog food
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Low-security animal containment unit at Site-17
Current Status: Incinerated
Are you sure it wasn't just dog food in the wrong can? - Dr. Michaels
Yes, I'm sure. - Dr. Stevens, Head of low-security animal containment site
Question: who tastes this @!$#? - Dr. Jorge
I do. -Dr. Stevens, Head of low-security animal containment site

Item Description: A campfire that flares up whenever an animal sneezes within eight meters of it.
Date of Recovery: 06-16-2017
Location of Recovery: ██████████ National Park
Current Status: Extinguished. Remains showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A white plastic salt shaker. The object has the ability to instantaneously melt all snow within a 55-meter radius of it.
Date of Recovery: 01-13-2017
Location of Recovery: A █████'s restaurant building in █████████████, Ohio
Current Status: Being used for snow clearing at Site-██
Note: Try not to bring this near SCP-804 while you're at it.

Item Description: A creature of the genus Apis (Honey bee) that can remove any substance of color.
Date of Recovery: 01-13-2017
Location of Recovery: Knoxville, Tennessee
Current Status: Kept in low-security animal containment site

Item Description: A █████████ brand plasma screen television. The television is unable to play any form of animation that can be referred to as "Anime," a Japanese style of animation. Instead of anime playing, "ANIME WAS A MISTAKE" in large red letters is portrayed on a black background.
Date of Recovery: 04-11-2016
Location of Recovery: Augusta, Kansas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A living Yarn Yoshi doll.
Date of Recovery: 01-10-2017
Location of Recovery: The house of the ████████ family.
Current Status: Pending use.
"It's the cutest thing ever! Why would we take it away from them?" - Dr. Betancourt

Item Description: A heart-shaped Valentine's Day card that appears to throb like a real human heart. Anyone who watches it gets a better understanding of the concept of love.
Date of Recovery: 02-14-2010
Location of Recovery: A house in Seattle, Washington.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A small brown glass bottle, with approximately 250 ml of unknown hallucinogenic liquid inside. The item has a faded label made from paper, Liquid has been described as being clear, odorless and tasteless. Liquid is of an unknown chemical composition, not matching any known pure elements.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: The lab of Dr. ███████████ and Dr. █████ in the country ████████
Current Status: In dark, cold storage unit at Site-███

Item Description: A headpiece accessory for a costume resembling a set of bull horns. When worn, the subject feels unreasonable furious against red objects and tries to charge into them.
Date of Recovery: 06-05-199█
Location of Recovery: A costume shop in ███████, Spain.
Current Status: In storage. Investigating if it is actually a piece of a bigger costume.
Note: Why the @#! have we got red walls?! Seriously! - Agent ███████

Item Description: I Poodle. I have brown hair. When I talk about me, I talk in first-person perspective. I also talk in weird voice.
Date of Recovery: 04-21-201█
Location of Recovery: I found in pet shop in [REDACTED], Hong Kong.
Current status: I live in Site 45. I no like.
Note: Cat keep going away. I no like.

Item Description: A one dollar bill (US currency) that, upon insertion into a vending machine, will dispense the item that is chosen, then return to the owner, as if it was never accepted.
Date Of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Unknown as to its original discovery. It was found to exist by Dr. [REDACTED], while inserting the bill into a drinks vending machine in [REDACTED], Wisconsin.
Current Status: In possession of Dr. ███████. He is testing its other anomalous effects, including the occurrences of sold-out items and items costing more than $1 US.
Note: This bill is not to be used to pay for items, and should be A) kept out of wallets, and B) marked with an SCP logo, to eliminate confusion.

Item Description: A 17x17x20 cm birdhouse. Any non-avian animal coming into contact with it is immediately launched into the stratosphere at a velocity of 3 km/s.
Date Of Recovery: 01-23-2017
Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: The ashes of the the previous AO. Presumably, any non-avian animal coming into contact with it is immediately launched into the ground at a velocity of 3 km/s.
Date Of Recovery: 01-27-2017
Location of Recovery: Canadian Outpost-03
Current Status: Dispersed and neutralized on impact.
Note: Significant structural damage to Candian Outpost-03 has been sustained. Researchers Barrow, Smithson (the handler), and Zurrey expired. Cover story of a military ordnance failure disseminated.

Item Description: Two lightswitches connected to a single circuit. When in use, any human who interacts with the object will select the switch opposite of the one they intend to.
Date of Recovery: 04-13-2013
Location of Recovery: Apartment 12-A, Hoosegow Developments, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Current Status: Installed in Researcher Smith's office on request.

Item Description: An inanimate empty space in the approximate shape of a baggy shirt, wide trousers, and a long cape. When a human walks into the space from behind, it will move and act as worn clothing. Despite being perceived as intangible and transparent, subjects are incapable of recalling details of anything that would normally be obscured by clothing of the same shape.
Date of Recovery: 02-09-1967
Location of Recovery: On top of Hadrian's Wall near Whitby, Yorkshire
Current Status: Mannequin in Site-45's Anomalous Clothing Storage.

Item Description: A bag of █████ brand chips that duplicates every 7 hours. Duplications exhibit this property.
Date of Recovery: 04-16-2███
Location of Recovery: Site-██ Canteen
Current Status: Used as snacks in Site-██.

Item Description: A water fountain located in Gilbert Arizona. When an American coin of any value is thrown in and the user makes a wish, said wish will come true exactly 24 hours later. (Effect will only happen if the user does not say what wish is within the timespan leading up to it coming true)
Date of Recovery: 11-12-2014
Location of Recovery: Gilbert, Arizona
Current Status: Located in Dr. Lang's office at Site-12.

Item Description: An empty bottle of █████ brand soda that will cause any liquid poured out of it to instantly relocate to the users stomach. Liquids pass through the users digestive system non-anomalously.
Date of Recovery: 03-10-2015
Location of Recovery: Soda Factory in Waco, Texas
Current Status: In the cupboard of Dr. █████'s office at Site-44.
Note: You can't even taste the soda you're trying to drink. You're getting all of the sugar and none of the flavor. Talk about a lose-lose. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A patch of skin formerly present on the left calf of an adult Caucasian male. A tattoo is present on the object that reads "Mr. Just Has The Tattoo, by Gamers Against Weed". This tattoo has resisted all attempts at removal. Skin was removed during a grafting procedure. Previous owner has assumed a completely new identity since the procedure and claims to have no memory of his time with the tattoo.
Date of Recovery: 05-02-2016
Location of Recovery: Richmond, Virginia
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.
Note: The object's previous owner did not possess a list upon recovery and claimed to have never received one. Subject also claimed to have had the tattoo since birth.

Item Description: Cool.
Date of Recovery: 09-02-2017
Location of Recovery: Retrieved during a raid on a known anartist exhibition in Sydney, Australia.
Current Status: Not.

Item Description: It is not a shape that does not make any mention of it opposite. It doesn't do that.
Date of Recovery: 03-06-2012
Location of Recovery: Definitely not ████████, ████████.
Current Status: I can guarantee it isn't located in Site-██'s Low Value Containment Area.

Item Description: Two physically non-anomalous humans Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan. Any content uploaded by either of them onto the internet will immediately receive approximately 200-300 of what the platform's way of sharing or enjoying something is, such as "likes" on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube. This will occur despite the page they uploaded not being viewed by anything.
Date of Recovery: 05-26-2015
Location of Recovery: Twitter; the anomaly was discovered by Web crawler XIO-177 and was automatically marked as an anomaly.
Current Status: Currently hosting several popular internet web-series. No online comments regarding the anomaly have been noted since discovery.

Item Description: A lunchroom vending machine that dispenses golden and silver dollars as change, despite no coins being present within the machine.
Date of Recovery: 02-03-2017
Location of Recovery: █████ ██████████ High School, █████ ██████████, Rhode Island
Current Status: Kept in Site-██'s cafeteria Kept in storage.
Note: Under no circumstances are personnel to use the vending machine. I understand that these coins are worth more than what the machine values them as, but that is no excuse for a get-rich-quick scheme. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A pack of 19 hot dogs of the ███████ Company that, when eaten, produces a scream described by research staff as "agonized", despite no sound producing apparatus being present in the hot dogs
Date of Recovery: 09-07-2014
Location of Recovery: Site-███ staff barbecue
Current Status: In cold storage.
Note: Aside from the screams these were some pretty damn good hot dogs. - Agent ████

Item Description: A class III (Low Threat) concept, in which personnel infected believe they have "level 6 clearance" and are capable of accessing every file in the database. The concept is spread through specific software malfunctions that can occur within the database.
Date of Recovery: 01-27-2010
Location of Recovery: Site-551.
Current Status: The malfunctions that are capable of spreading the concept have been fixed. A single terminal that still carry the malfunctions is kept at Site-49 for study.

Item Description: An unshuffleable deck of 52 playing cards. Any card taken 'at random' from the deck will reveal itself to be the 3 of hearts, regardless of where in the deck it was originally situated.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2015
Location of Recovery: ████████, England
Current Status: Held in low-value item storage at Site-32.

Item Description: A self replenishing dirty clothes bin. Individuals who notice its presence will feel the urge to wash said clothes as to empty the bin, to no effect.
Date of Recovery: 12-12-2011
Location of Recovery: Auckland, New Zealand
Current Status: Foundation humanitarian help facility in Central Africa; used to provide clothing to local population.

Item Description: A standard, unmarked white cotton glove which has a uniform colour gradient across its entire surface, devoid completely of any shadows, as well as a large black outline across its edge regardless of viewing angle. These effects lead to it appearing to have a "cartoon" style.
Date of recovery: 07-11-14
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Florida
Current Status: In the office of Dr. ██████.

Item Description: A set of curtains that, when hung over a bedroom window, will prevent anybody within the bedroom from entering a state of sleep before 01:30 AM and after 09:00 AM, regardless of local time.
Date of Recovery: 11-04-2002
Location of Recovery: Seoul, South Korea
Current Status: Hung over a window in the observation room of SCP-████ after too many reports of personnel falling asleep.

Item Description: An alarm clock that will say the phrase "Stop ignoring me" in an unidentified male voice at 3:57 AM every night. Effect occurs regardless of whether the object is powered.
Date of Recovery: 5-18-2005
Location of Recovery: Apartment complex in Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An adult size Spider-Man Costume. Memories involving direct visual exposure to the object cannot be forgotten and will override existing memories after prolonged exposure.
Date of Recovery: 11-13-07
Location of Recovery: Nashville, Tennessee
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A sheet of white paper with the word "bimonthly" written on it in black marker. When viewed by two or more people, an argument will begin between the viewers as to whether the word means "twice a month" or "once every two months". This argument may escalate into violence without intervention. This effect persists even when subjects are told not to argue over the definition of the word.
Date of Recovery: 02/11/1994
Location of Recovery: Wicklow, Ireland
Current Status: Destroyed in a particularly heated debate between two senior researchers. Both have been reprimanded.

Item Description: A fractured skull of Felis catus or common house cat. The skull secretes a dark black liquid similar in composition to blood though the makeup is mostly unknown. Upon a person touching the liquid with exposed skin they will experience intense distrust and paranoia of cats or cat-like objects for four to seven hours. When questioned, all infected individuals beg to "make them all stop talking."
Date of Recovery: 09/09/1992
Location of Recovery: Mr. J██████'s High School Biology classroom in Ithaca, ███ ███
Current Status: Contained in cold storage. Cleaned weekly.

Item Description: The keyboard keys clack in the night, morphing all references of this peculiar microphone, in which I am channeling my voice into, to reference a strange little desert community with it's own radio. Welcome to Dark Valley.
Date of Recovery: Our top story tonight: on 02/13/2010, a peculiar set of events occurred.
Location of Recovery: These peculiar events occurred in the middle of Arizona, were multiple agents were reported to large gatherings of people that wanted to access the town called Dark Valley. The agents successfully dispatched the crowd, and found the source of the hoopla.
Current Status: In other news, the item has been transported to Site-551 for study. Agents have reported that people are not to be consciously aware of both the microphone and any sort of dog park for long periods of time. Thanks for listening, listeners. Good night, Dark Valley. Good night.

Item Description: A box set for the first season of the American situational comedy "Seinfeld". When viewed for more than 15 minutes, viewers will say nothing except observation based stand-up comedy. Effect has been shown to last in excess of 100 minutes.
Date of Recovery: 02/05/2011
Location of Recovery: ███████████, Illinois
Current Status: In Site-34 low security item storage.

Item Description: A visual cognitohazard affecting approximately 20% of sapient viewers. Object compels the viewer to seek and consume the nearest unopened slice of american cheese.
Date of Recovery: 03/18/2013
Location of Recovery: Sydney, Austrailia
Current Status: In storage. Cheese kept on-site in the event of accidental exposure.

Item Description: A 335 ml glass cup that causes waitstaff of any location to compulsively fill it to the brim.
Date of Recovery:3/29/2016
location of Recovery: █████████ ████,Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Broken after staff in kitchen raced to fill it up.
Notes: Remnants reformed into bowl on orders of Dr. ███████, effects remain.

page revision: 1402, last edited: 04 Mar 2017 19:25
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