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nn5n: scp-254 Employee of the Month
SafeSCP-254 Employee of the MonthRate: 80
SCP-254 - Employee of the Month
rating: +67+x

Item #: SCP-254

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-254 is to be kept in a standard storage locker when not in use. When in storage, it must be placed face-down on the floor of the locker and secured with straps to prevent accidental activation. Use of SCP-254 may be requested by any department head, and must be approved by at least two (2) level-3 personnel. SCP-254 may not be used in a capacity that will result in SCP-254-1’s contact with SCPs posing a memetic contagion hazard. Under no circumstances is SCP-254 to be active in a single department or area for longer than twenty-six (26) days. Reuse is permitted only if the area in question has undergone a complete personnel rotation (i.e. no employees remain who have had previous contact with SCP-254).

Description: SCP-254 is a rectangular wooden plaque measuring 22 cm x 30 cm and weighing approximately 1.5 kg. On the front of the plaque is an empty brass picture holder, as well as a printed metal plate with a black background and gold-colored letters reading “Employee of the Month.” Affixed to the back of the plaque is a standard hanging device.

SCP-254 was discovered in the rubble of a Texaco gas station in ██████, Kansas, on ██/██/195█. A Foundation agent secured SCP-254 after discovering that it had sustained no damage in the explosion that had leveled the gas station and resulted in the deaths of █ employees and ██ civilians .

When SCP-254 is hung on a wall in a work area of 4 or more people, SCP-254-1 will appear soon afterward. SCP-254-1 will arrive either at the end of the next designated break period, or at the beginning of the following work shift. SCP-254-1 is an incorporeal human of variable gender, age, race, name, and appearance, able to manipulate objects in the manner similar to that of a normal human of average strength and coordination. SCP-254-1 will adopt the appearance and persona of a model employee, based on an area’s memetic consensus. Once SCP-254-1’s appearance has been established, an image of SCP-254-1 that appears to be an 8 x 10 glossy photograph fills the empty picture holder, and it will not change until SCP-254 is moved to a new location. Across the bottom of the photograph, in print, is the newly assumed name of SCP-254-1. The photograph cannot be removed from the picture holder by any known means, but it can be torn or ripped. Doing so in an aggressive or purposeful manner results in a violent reaction from SCP-254-1 (see attached recording SCP-254-a: [DATA EXPUNGED] the ██/██/████ incident).

Regardless of appearance, SCP-254-1 maintains a cheerful demeanor at all times. SCP-254-1 is able to carry on conversations about the weather, traffic, the previous night’s TV shows, sports, and other such topics, although SCP-254-1 will never discuss topics of which present individuals have no knowledge. Personnel assigned to work in an area where SCP-254 is in use do not appear alarmed by SCP-254-1’s incorporeal nature or sudden appearance, stating that SCP-254-1 “works here.” Due to local personnel’s reluctance to remove the plaque, or inability to remember to remove the plaque, removal is to be scheduled and performed by off-site personnel.

SCP-254-1 is capable of performing menial tasks quickly and efficiently. When given tasks that require specialized training, although SCP-254-1 does not possess the required expertise, (s)he will attempt them with the usual good attitude, but will perform as well as an average person could be expected to perform. SCP-254-1 will continue to perform as exemplary an employee as possible for a length of time between 28-46 work days, usually ending at the conclusion of a calendar month. If SCP-254 is placed in a workplace several days into a calendar month, SCP-254-1 will act as an effective employee until the end of the following month, although due to the dangers posed by shifting memetic consensus, no use of SCP-254 for longer than 26 days is permitted.

After the “month” has passed, if SCP-254 is not removed, SCP-254-1 will begin to degrade in performance, beginning with an unhelpful attitude and forgetfulness. If SCP-254 is not removed, SCP-254-1 will become a worse and worse employee until “fired.” Firing can be represented by removing SCP-254 from the wall, or by informing SCP-254-1 of its termination. If SCP-254-1 is fired within approximately 20 days from the start of its decline in performance, SCP-254-1 simply leaves the area and disappears. Following cessation of employment after this point, SCP-254-1 will actively sabotage the work area in the most destructive manner possible, posing severe hazard to any nearby personnel.

And the WORLD, people. We work with SCPs here, and if proper removal arrangements are not made with off-site security and documented with on-site security, the offending employee will find themselves jobless or worse. -O5-█

Addendum: Following Incident 254-0210g, all tests on employing SCP-254-1 beyond 26 days must be conducted at a separate site containing no other SCPs. NO EXCEPTIONS. -O5-█

Audio Log 254-a13:

Dr. █████: “This is Doctor [REDACTED]. This is experiment #13 on SCP-254. I am using a standard phillips-head screwdriver, to attempt to remove the brass fitting from SCP-254.”

[There are 15 seconds of tool-working sounds.]

“It appears that these screws are affixed by means beyond the normal. Perhaps glue, or something else.”

SCP-254-1 (going by “Gus” this iteration): “Would you like me to get you some solvent, sir?”

Dr. █████: “No thanks, Gus, no need. Would you hand me that box cutter? I’ll try cutting this picture out.”

Gus: “Really? Why would ya wanna do that? I think that plaque looks jim-dandy right where it is.”

Dr. █████: “Now now. This isn’t an insult to you, Gus, you’re a great employee. This is an experiment.”

Gus: “Okay, Doc, I trust ya.”

[There is a slight paper ripping noise.]

Gus: “Whacha doin’ Doc? Would ya please not do that?”

Dr. █████: “Just a little bit fur-”

[The audio of the two cuts out, and there are 5 hard banging sounds - presumably SCP-254-1 slamming Dr. █████''s head against the table. Then there is a wet sound as the box cutter is [DATA EXPUNGED].]

-end of tape-

Experiment Log 254-b: Testing on extended employment of SCP-254-1 as a janitor at Sector-██.

Day 26: End of standard employment period reached. SCP-254-1’s performance continues to meet high standards.

Day 32: First sign of performance degradation noted. SCP-254-1 leaves a dirty rag on Research Assistant █████’s desk. Apologetic when rag is noticed and returned.

Day 34: SCP-254-1 is mopping the floor in Sector-███ when a hurrying technician trips over the bucket of cleaning solution. SCP-254-1 recorded cursing at the technician.

Day 35: End of the calendar month. SCP-254-1 described as “sullen” by a late-working researcher. Break room kitchen in Sector-███ left uncleaned, coffee spilled around Dr. █████’s garbage can.

Day 36: SCP-254-1 reprimanded by supervisor for apparent drunkenness. (Note: Very odd; SCP-254-1 has never been seen to eat or drink.)

Day 39: SCP-254-1 fails to return cleaning solutions to the janitorial closet. Near-disaster when mentally disturbed test subject (see Experiment Log [REDACTED]) finds a bottle of ammonia-based cleaner in a bathroom. SCP-254-1 reprimanded for carelessness. Fellow janitor █████ ███████ observed in a verbal altercation with SCP-254-1; both parties are somewhat vague on the cause of the quarrel.

Day 43: SCP-254-1 again observed to be apparently drunk on duty. Cleaning is becoming noticeably more erratic.

Day 48: Fire alarm goes off in Sector-███. False alarm. Ink markers fail to pinpoint a culprit, but SCP-254-1 was observed near the tripped alarm a few minutes prior to the incident. Security footage unavailable due to an unidentifiable object blocking the camera’s view of the hallway.

Day 56: Dr. ████ upbraids SCP-254-1 for removing perishable items from the lab refrigerator and shredding irreplaceable experiment logs. SCP-254-1 calls Dr. ████ [REDACTED] and threatens to [REDACTED]. Security called.

Day 58: Kitchen knife found stabbed deeply into Dr. ████’s whiteboard. Dr. ████’s locked secure document safe has been opened and rifled. Guard posted at the door to Dr. ████’s office. SCP-254-1 and █████ ███████ recorded arguing in raised voices in the staff break room.

Day 59: Janitor █████ ███████ signs in to work, but fails to report to supervisor. Located by accident several hours later trapped in the cold storage rooms attached to [REDACTED] autopsy theater, suffering from severe hypothermia. Guard on duty at Dr. ████’s office incapacitated by a blow to the head; crude human figure formed from a mop head impaled on a broken mop handle driven through Dr. ████’s desk chair. SCP-254-1 nowhere to be found.

Day 60: At Dr. ████’s request, and with approval from [DATA EXPUNGED], SCP-254 removed from the wall. SCP-254-1 leaves the building and vanishes.

Day 61: SCP-254-1 caught on camera in Sector-███ late at night. Power failure and multiple backup system failures cause ██ containment breaches, resulting in ██ direct casualties and ██ further losses from sterilization of an outbreak of SCP-███ (see Incident Report 254-0210g).

page revision: 7, last edited: 04 Dec 2013 18:58
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