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nn5n: scp-2871 The Cat With No Ass
EuclidSCP-2871 The Cat With No AssRate: 10

A photograph of SCP-2871-1 prior to containment. Photograph taken by [REDACTED]

Item #: SCP-2871

Object Class: Euclid Neutralized Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2871-1 is to be contained in a standard-issue containment cell fitted with the following:

1. A cat condo.
2. A pet food dispenser.
3. A small-medium sized bowl of water.
4. A laser pointer in the red-blue range on the electromagnetic spectrum in order to distract SCP-2871-1.
5. A thermally-heated cat bed.
6. A set of four air heaters placed in locations frequently visited by SCP-2871-1/2 instances.
7. An audio-recording device (Preferably a radio) playing noises only audible to carnivoran mammals, in order to soothe SCP-2871-1/2.
8. A scratching post.
9. A set of at least four CCTV cameras.

Under no circumstances is SCP-2871-1 to come in contact with any anomaly relating to and/involving a true vacuum energy state in order to avoid a VK-class reality reconstruction scenario. Any Foundation employee involved with an anomaly relating to the aforementioned phenomena is not to form a relationship with SCP-2871-1/SCP-2871-2, and class-A amnestics are to be administered as soon as possible. Any cracks in SCP-2871-1's containment chamber are to be sealed in order to prevent a possible containment breach by SCP-2871-1.

Given SCP-2871-1's nature, no medical treatment is required; although food is to be given once a shift is completed. Any containment shifts are to be conducted by staff occupying the following positions:

1. Two or more physicist specializing in quantum mechanics.
2. A veterinarian and/or a zoologist.
3. One or more D-class personnel.
4. A security guard armed with a tranquilizer dart gun.
5. One or more members of the Site 45 janitorial staff (D-class personnel are also applicable).
6. Two or more physicist specializing in particle physics.
7. Four or more security officers manning the CCTV feed.
8. An exterminator either in Foundation employment and/or of a private entity; class-A amnestics are optional depending on risk.

Description: SCP-2871 is an anomalous subspecies of the domestic cat1. SCP-2871-1 has a lifespan consisting of two stages, henceforth referred to as SCP-2871-1 and SCP-2871-2 respectively. SCP-2871-1 is the adult phase of SCP-2871, resembling an overweight elderly specimen of the domestic shorthair breed. By the time in which this iteration of the SCP-2871 article was written, the current SCP-2871-1 instance is twelve years old.

Due to the anomalous physiology of SCP-2871-1 (See below), SCP-2871-1 is considered to be genderless. The subject possesses bodily features not present in any other organism, and lacks the following body parts:

1. A proper digestive system.
2. Reproductive organs.
3. Whiskers.
4. A navel.

Instead, the subject possesses a system used for both controlling waste and reproduction, referred as SCP-2871-1-A by the Foundation. SCP-2871-1-A is located in the stomach area of SCP-2871-1. When any substance enters SCP-2871-1-A, regardless of whether or whether not it is edible, the substance will be converted into heat, which will be excreted from an organ located near SCP-2871-1's spine. After excretion, the heat will remain in the same area, unless SCP-2871-1 is damaged; which is believed to be related to SCP-2871-1's other anomalous property.

SCP-2871-1 is capable of assuming the position of objects smaller than itself, at the expense of its bodily mass via quantum teleportation2. After assuming the position of its prey, SCP-2871-1 will absorb a certain percentage of its prey's mass into its own. When lacking in prey, the subject will teleport some of the previously excreted heat to its current location, and will absorb it into its own body mass. The amount of matter teleported to the subject is relative to the amount of damaged body mass.

When an instance of SCP-2871-1 expires, the heat excreted from the SCP-2871-1-A organ will re-arrange itself into a newborn kitten resembling SCP-2871-1, henceforth named SCP-2871-2. Subject will eventually mature into an instance of SCP-2871-1. However, subject lacks the SCP-2871-1-A organ until maturation. In addition, subject also possesses the memory of its deceased counterpart(s). How SCP-2871-2 retains the memory of its previous counterparts is unknown, and research onto how this process works is ongoing.

Recovery log: SCP-2871-1 was first discovered in an abandoned building located in Discovery Bay, Hong Kong, in the year 198█. SCP-2871-1 was contained via being lured into a portable kennel, and being sedated via a noise only audible to carnivoran mammals. After initial containment, class-A amnestics were administered to both the subject, and those who had been in contact with the subject. A Foundation cover story was released stating that any instance(s) of SCP-2871-1 were caused by a noxious gas released by a terrorist cell that had since been disbanded.

Addendum: On October 24th, 200█, SCP-2871-1 was released into a sound-proof room that housed a ''dumb hole''3 produced by a fluid of [DATA EXPUNGED] moving at 4x times the speed of sound. Subject was pulled into the dumb hole, and was reduced into the phonon4 equivalent to Hawking radiation5. SCP-2871 was considered neutralized due to the lack of a(ny) new SCP-2871-2 specimens, until the Foundation received reports of a ''devil cat'' teleporting to and/or absorbing domestic animals owned by people who had previously fed the subject in ████ road, Anchorage Alaska. Subject was quickly recontained, and class-A amnestics were administered soon after.

Addendum no. 2: Shortly after SCP-2871-1 was recovered, the following poster was found in the abandoned building in which SCP-2871-1 had previously inhabited:

Congratulations! You have obtained the Perfect Cat™, a product of The Association of Rare Breeders. If you are interested in purchasing some more unique friends, please see the list below!

The Perfect Cat™
Domesticated Egyptian Gods™
Lesbian Seagull™
The Foundation of Mystery Product Line™
Lost Cultures™

The Perfect Cat™ and related products are owned by The Association of Rare Breeders®. For more information, please visit your local Rare Breeders®. The Association of Rare Breeders® is funded by the Hunter's Black Lodge® and the MCD Center®.

page revision: 85, last edited: 14 Feb 2017 19:56
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