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nn5n: scp-3159 The Trashiest World in the Multiverse
SafeSCP-3159 The Trashiest World in the MultiverseRate: 38
SCP-3159

Item #: SCP-3159

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Popular media and the internet are to be monitored for references to SCP-3159, with amnestics to be administered as required.

Description: SCP-3159 is a radio signal in the 116-118 MHz range appearing intermittently over the Florida panhandle. Manifestations of SCP-3159 last between 10 and 15 minutes, with 3-7 manifestations appearing each week since discovery in October 1993. Because the transmission frequency of SCP-3159 falls outside the FM radio band, it is relatively rare for commercially available radios to pick it up; when this does occur, listeners usually assume they are listening to a parody or a practical joke.

SCP-3159 features episodes of The Jerry Springer Show. The general format parallels the non-anomalous version of the show, with each episode focusing on relationship problems stemming from immoderate or socially proscribed behavior. Voice spectrography reveals a 99.17% match for Gerald Norman Springer, with the difference of 0.83% consistent with a case of chronic laryngitis affecting the host of SCP-3159 but not Mr. Springer.

Remote sensing has not revealed a physical source for SCP-3159. Notably, no known technology is capable of creating a spatially localized electromagnetic signal without a source that can be detected by means available to the Foundation. It is currently believed that SCP-3159 originates from a parallel universe.

The following excerpt features Stella, whose voice suggests a woman in her late teens, and Logan, whose voice suggests a man in his early thirties.

Stella: I don't fucking believe this shit.

Logan: It didn't mean nothing.

Stella: It's like…how do you even fuck an alien?

Logan: Baby, theres no need for that.

Stella: You son-of-a-bitch, yes, there is. Tell me, how'd you even do it with that round thing? They don't have holes.

Jerry: The girl raises a good question.

The studio audience laughs and breaks into a chant of "Jerry, Jerry" lasting approximately 15 seconds.

Logan: You don't touch em or anything. You just think thoughts and then…you know. Kinda like getting porn straight into your brain.

At this point, a sound resembling a conch horn is heard. Across a battery of tests, listeners consistently report that the sound made them intensely uncomfortable, and that immediately afterwards the image of a man sniffing a bouquet of flowers appeared in their minds.

Jerry: I think we just got our answer.

Logan: It ain't cheating if there's no touching, am I right?

Stella: You telling me you mind-fucked that piece of blubber?

Audience hoots and jeers. An audience member is heard yelling "Oh no she didn't!"

Jerry: Now Stella, you know the b-word is fraught with unfortunate racial connotations.

Stella: I don't give a shit! That fat sack of…

Jerry: I think we all need a little breather. We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.

The following ad is narrated by an older female who speaks in measured tones, alongside a younger female with a quick, chirpy voice.

Older female: Let's face it — we all know someone who fell prey to a flytrap ATM.

Younger female: I was just about to go into the bank when I decided to get a coffee first. When I returned, the ATM was chewing through the remains of the last customer!

Older female: Don't become food for a interdimensional being.

Younger female: That could have been me.

Older female: That's why at Meridian Bank, our ATMs have the distinctive gold-and-crimson patterns that are so hard to emulate. A recent study by the North American Consumer Protection Association found that Meridian lost fewer customers to flytraps than any other mid-size bank.

Younger female: Meridian: shop safe.

This following ad is narrated by a young, hyper-masculine voice, with occasional interruption by hissing sounds. Although these sounds do not correspond to any known language, listeners were unanimous across an array of tests in assigning the same meaning to the hisses.

Narrator: Are you having trouble pleasing women? Do you happen to be a little on the small side, down there?

Hissing: I am hungry.

Narrator: I hate to be the one to tell ya, but penis extension is a lie. Don't throw your money away on creams or pumps. They don't do anything.

Narrator: But there is one way that is 100% guaranteed to give you the result you want!

Hissing: So very hungry.

Narrator: For a modest fee, we here at MonoRaptor would be willing to intercede with Quetzalcoatl for you. Big Q will get you all the thickness and girth you need.

Narrator: There is just one teensy little catch: the Quez will want some of your memories.

Hissing: I will see the world through your eyes.

Narrator: But hey, you've got plenty of memories, am I right? Do you really need to remember all your snot-nosed childhood friends?

Narrator: Contact a MonoRaptor agent today.

After a few beats from the Jerry Springer theme song, the show returns to applause from the studio audience.

Jerry: And we're back. Before we quit for today, Logan has one more thing to tell us.

Logan: Yeah. Baby, this aint easy for me to say. Stella, sweetie, I'm pregnant.

Stella: What?

Logan: Yeah.

Stella: What the ██████████████ you ███████████████████████ piece of ███████████████████████!1

Logan: Come on, baby.

Stella: We're through you motherf…..wait, where's it even going to come out of?

Jerry: Aaaaand that's all the time we have for today, folks.

Manifestations of SCP-3159 have included references to "Oprah," "Kim Kardashian," and "Brangelina," indicating that the universe of SCP-3159 shares a number of features with our own. On the other hand, the closing credits of each episode state that the show is filmed in the "North American Confederacy," and off-hand remarks suggest the Confederacy is engaged in the prolonged occupation of a nation known as "The Empire of Greater Mesopotamia."

The low signal strength of SCP-3159 has made triangulation challenging; at present, the location of the transmission can only be localized to a 50km2 region within Okaloosa County, Florida. It is anticipated that within 6-8 years, it will be possible to pinpoint the originating location to within approximately 300m2. This will allow the Foundation to identify the spatial point where the boundary between the two universes is permeable to radio signals; in turn, this will enable the Foundation to either send a message, or install a jammer to ensure that no transmissions from our world get through.

The O5 council has voted several times to pursue the latter course of action. However, opinions on this matter are far from unanimous. Detractors point out that the universe in which SCP-3159 originates appears to possess a number of advanced technologies, with many possibilities for mutually beneficent exchange. Moreover, it has also been suggested that one might form a rather negative opinion of our own universe if the sole source of information about it was The Jerry Springer Show.

page revision: 3, last edited: 16 Oct 2017 08:19
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