nn5n Foundation
Branch of SCP Foundation
nn5n: scp-3739 Mind-Milk™ by Moosphere, Inc.
UnknownSCP-3739 Mind-Milk™ by Moosphere, Inc.Rate: 104

NOTICE From the Department of Pataphysical & Digital Archivists

Advertisement-based inoculation disseminated.

Need containment insurance? We've got you covered. SCP Insurance Services, protecting you against malignant Fae hexes, hemovore invasions, and flesh-eating Sarkic rituals since 1826.

Advertisement-based inoculation complete. Beginning biometric and neural scan.

~$ Simurgh.aic: nominal.
~$ Last login: 2020-02-29 @ 06:45pm (UTC-5)
~$ Memetic advertisements tracked and quarantined: 45214.
~$ Anti-infiltration detection: nominal.
~$ Accessing SCiPNET:/files/SCP-3739/SPOILED_MILK_SEQUENCE

Biometric and neural scan complete. Inoculation complete! You may proceed.

"Expecting a 5% drop of lactic optimization in your lactose tolerance. Buy all yeast stocks, all yeast stocks, all yeast stocks." — 2020-02-28 @ 9:56pm (UTC-5)

"If the Moon is made of cream cheese, then we'll sell it!" — 2020-02-28 @ 10:43pm (UTC-5)

"Milk! The Meaning of Life." — 2020-02-29 @ 12:01am (UTC-5)

"You'll Wonder Where The Red Went When You Brush Your Teeth with Noosphere Fresh Dreams™!" — 2020-02-29 @ 02:17am (UTC-5)

"Makes Children and Adults As Swollen As Cows!" — 2020-02-29 @ 04:00am (UTC-5)

Item #: SCP-3739 l3.png Level 3 Clearance
Object Class: Keter Classified

Threat Level: Red


A natural Moosphere, Inc. cave udder, photographed via VERITAS Resonance Imaging (right).

Special Containment Procedures: Containment of SCP-3739 is focused on the introduction of a stable competitor product to gain a foothold in the paranormal market.1 To this end, Foundation front company Stratford Cattle Productions2 is to manufacture and market a legally safe anomalous dairy product. Cattle engineers are to distill dairy milk using bovine gene pool manipulation paratechniques and conceptual form separation. The Department of Economics is to reintroduce 13% of all revenue into Stratford Cattle Productions, and 87% into various other Foundation revenue streams.

Meatspace Transitional Suppressor (MEATS) purification filters are to replace normative methods and technologies used for gauging bovine health by 2021. Clinical trials and filter prototyping are to continue at Site-82 Command in Eastern Wisconsin, United States.

Description: SCP-3739 is a cognitohazardous vector spreading into human perception via hidden advertisements targeting the paranormal market. SCP-3739 manifests from the Noosphere3 as the corporation Moosphere, Inc.: a gestalt thought-based dairy company threatening an impending CK-Class restructuring event.

Moosphere uses microscopy technologies — ordinarily used to transmit images visible only at 300 microns — to produce invasive cognitohazardous catchphrases (designated SCP-3739-1). SCP-3739-1 are brand archetypes, anchoring themselves onto symbols and signals already embedded in the consciousness of humanity. Transmission occurs when subjects are unconscious: the bovine motifs and SCP-3739 archetypes are only visible in REM sleep.


Digital reconstruction of milk curdle build-up (blue).

Moosphere's mass neurological advertisement campaign connects to a chain of legitimate products — both real and dream-based — produced by the human subconscious and esoteric sources. A significant sum of Moosphere's product comes from the neural and memetic pathways of its market base.

Moosphere ectoentropically generates 31% of its flagship product, Mind-Milk™, from the hypothalamus and pineal gland (hormone release centers) respectively, while a metaphysical source secretes the remaining 69%. Regular consumers of Moosphere products develop milk curdle build-up on portions of cerebral tissue, which further influences consumers to use Moosphere products but does not otherwise negatively affect consumer health.

Flagged on 2020-02-29 @ 07:00am (UTC-5)


Addendum 3739.1 — Experimentation Log

Site-82's Memetics Research Group C mail-ordered Moosphere company products for testing. Researchers selected Chocolate Mind-Milk™ due to its popularity and unique production process. Testing occurred with the goal of understanding Moosphere's use of literary archetypes in marketing, manufacturing, and product sales.

Each Chocolate Mind-Milk™ packaging contains4 the text "What was your Mind-Milk™ experience like?" with an attached phone number. Researchers consumed the product daily (before a full night's rest) over a ten day period. Personnel noted any recurring dreams or motifs in a Standard Dream Report before relaying them to the phone line.

Within 2 to 5 business days, each of the researchers encountered the following archetypal representations:

Archetype 01: Trickster
Moosphere expression Outreach Specialists
Moosphere manifestation Moosphere mascot "Jackie the Clown Cow" (SCP-3739-1-A) appeared to researchers. Subject possessed a lean bovine appearance and wore a mask resembling a fennec fox. Subject danced in the air, emitting bovine vocalizations and showering researchers in soy milk.
Archetype 07: Mother
Moosphere expression Mammary Mothers
Moosphere manifestation See Addendum 3739.4.
Archetype 08: Wounded Child
Moosphere expression Child Curdles/Coagulated Children
Moosphere manifestation A group of 15 "Child Curdles" appeared at the Research Group Supervisor's home at 4:07 am. All subjects had varying levels of injuries and appeared as golden age animated cartoon characters.5 One of the instances, self-identifying as "Creamy Charlie" (SCP-3739-1-C) recounted dairy-themed parables at 90 dB. Notably, the Supervisor's daughter, age 7, was diagnosed with hypocalcaemia6 three weeks prior.
Archetype 14: The Flood
Moosphere expression N/A
Moosphere manifestation Researcher Mathias dreamt of a biblical flood sending tsunamis of milk into population centers. Upon reporting the motif to the phone line, an automated voice said "Please hold" before expelling milk from the receiver at 1 L/min. This ended after 5 minutes, when Mathias severed the phone line. Dream aligns with designated MK-Class "Spilled Milk" Scenario on the catastrophe classification list.

Addendum 3739.2 — History, Discovery, and Recovery


Aswan Low Dam c. 1906

Egyptian Foundation personnel were first alerted to SCP-3739-1-type neural advertising during the October 1952 survey of the upper Suez Canal. While conducting initial geological testing for the Aswan Low Dam renovation, Suez Canal Company workers accidentally breached an underwater chamber, releasing a flow of viscous white liquid. Workers 15 m from the Lake Nasser embankment made physical contact with the liquid, experiencing immediate glossolalia.7

Language interpretation officials8 identified the glossolalia as pre-Ptolemaic Era Egyptian. The phenomenon affected one Maat Mohamed (designated PoI-11366) for the next three days. Mohamed later underwent medical evacuation at St. Sophia's Asylum — a Foundation-owned medical facility — under the guise of demonic possession affecting his memetic health. He became the first recorded vector for SCP-3739-1 phenomena.

The following is a translated excerpt of a key phrase spoken by Mohamed:

"Bat,9 my Earthly mother. She leads me out of the [sphincter/depths] of my head. She says it is [nutritious/good]. Should I [siphon/exploit] the teat? Why?"

Whilst in the recreational room at St. Sophia's Asylum, Mohamed imitated marketing jargon from commercials and shows played on television. He produced SCP-3739-1 marketing jargon after viewing Coca-Cola advertisements.10 A week into his inpatient stay, Mohamed lactated, flooding his room. Mohamed displayed no further anomalous properties over the course of his month-long psychiatric containment.

3 months after his release, Mohamed fled Egypt, escaping Foundation surveillance. Local law enforcement discovered his apartment abandoned, containing the following materials:

  • Publications by Fyodor Dostoevsky and Sigmund Freud.
  • Books on cattle farming and entrepreneurship.
  • Several documents indicating plans to establish a dairy farm.
  • A bathroom containing 200 L of curdled milk in the sinks, toilet, and bathtub.

The Foundation became aware of Moosphere in 2014 following a sudden influx of online and television advertisements flagged with memetic and cognitohazardous properties. The advertisements drew a similarity to PoI-11366's behavior, prompting a formal investigation. The Department of Analytics tracked Moosphere company presence for several years but could not locate physical operation locations.

As of mid-2019, Moosphere has amassed a total global workforce of 61,000 employees. With anomalous control of 1% of the Noospheric market share, their product manufacturing output has a capacity 100 times a company of its size.

In June 2019, Analytics Management deployed field operatives — impersonating FDA inspectors — to multiple Wisconsin dairy farms flagged with irregularities. The following is one such inspection.


(NOTE: Keys for format — Time | Source of Sound)

<Begin Log>

0m 00s | [Field Agents Smith and Wollensky are inside a police car, driving on roads intersecting cornfields and distant barns. They pass fence posts outlining a ranch where ranchers wrangle up grazing cattle. A black warehouse, brown domicile, and red-walled livestock facility come into view. Wollensky eases the ignition and halts the vehicle near the facility before they both dismount.]

1m 21s | [The ranch manager comes out to greet them. Behind him, farmhands haul cheese and milk products onto a forklift.]

1m 31s | Agent Smith: Hi there! Are you Gordon? Gordon Kazinsky?

1m 35s | Gordon Kazinsky: My friends call me Gordon. You're with the FDA, aren't you?

1m 40s | Smith: Yessir. You can call me Smith, and this here is Wollensky. He's my deputy.

1m 46s | [Wollensky nods. Smith extends his hand. The manager blinks and shrugs.]

1m 50s | Smith: You mind if I call you Gordon anyway?

1m 54s | Gordon: You can call me Curdles the Cow for all I care. I just want to get back to work.

2m 04s | Smith: This'll be a real quick inspection.

2m 07s | Gordon: Right.

2m 08s | Smith: We'll hardly take much of your time. Hell, we passed by a Costco on the way here, so if you fine gents want some Coors Light after toiling in the sun all day, you can have some. We had a few cases we were taking back for tonight anyway.

2m 27s | Gordon: That right?

2m 29s | Smith: Absolutely, Gordon. Free of charge.

2m 32s | Gordon: Well bud, if that's the case, consider that smudge of manure near the entrance your "welcome mat". I'll show you around.

2m 40s | Smith: Wollensky's going to take a look at things out back near the warehouse. Again, for the sake of expediency.

2m 48s | [Gordon gestures his hand toward the livestock facility, and Smith proceeds inside. Wollensky paces toward the black warehouse while nearby farmhands congregate, throwing brief glances at the agent. Wollensky's headset picks up children's laughter, but his body camera displays no children.]

3m 19s | Gordon: You're here 'cause of that weird CGI Photoshop nonsense they got on LiveLeak, ain't you?

[Whilst speaking, Gordon gesticulates. His right palm brushes against Smith's body camera and video capture becomes obfuscated with a sticker of Jackie the Clown Cow. Audio reception from the headset remains operational. Smith fails to react.]


3m 25s | Smith: Pardon?

3m 26s | Gordon: I can assure you, that was Dave. Always used to believe in "guerrilla marketing", that man. Look, I can tell you this: our quality assurance has gone untarnished for twenty-some-odd years.

3m 38s | Smith: Dave?

3m 40s | Gordon: [Gordon chortles.] My former partner in crime.

3m 43s | Smith: Registrar indicated he bought the farm first before dual-ownership.

3m 46s | Gordon: It's just me now. Dave had a run-in with corporate. Nice guy and all, but he had to transfer.

3m 51s | Smith: While the "advertisement" he marketed is a… Concern that I'll bring up later, we're primarily here for — well, let's see. [Smith pauses.] Ah, loud noises heard in the middle of the night, run-off going into the lake over yonder. The one you use, that is. That sort of thing.

4m 07s | Gordon: Complaints? By whom?

4m 10s | Smith: Can't say, Gordon. I actually also have a missing person's report on your business partner. Dave, isn't it?


4m 04s | Unidentified Farmhand: We use the most up-to-date technology to produce the finest four gallons of dairy product this side of the state. Prior to pasteurization, even! Ever taste it raw before?


4m 10s | Gordon: [Toneless.] It's Mister Kazinsky to you.

4m 13s | Smith: Now isn't that shooting yourself in the foot?

4m 17s | Gordon: How you reckon?

<Log cuts unexpectedly>


12m 47s | [The facility's slide doors are open. Farmhands commingle viscous fluids.]

12m 52s | [The ranchers gather around the two agents. They greet and lead them through the slide doors.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>


41m 28s | [Smith is deep in conversation with Gordon and the other ranchers, querying how they produce their product. Ranchers relay cognitohazardous advertisement jargon to him.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>


Image captured by Wollensky's camera, time-stamped 3h 35m 15s.

Note: Wollensky appears to have lost his headset. His view displays visuals separate from audio. Command received the audio with high amounts of white noise.

3h 34m 51s | [Camera captures aged concrete walls inked in white hieroglyphics. Wollensky moves forward, shining his flashlight onto dusty IBM 702 computers stationed on coffee and plastic-folding tables, divided by cubicle walls. The camera pans downward and captures puddles of viscous white liquid on hay-covered floors and manure.]

3h 36m 04s | (COM): [A group of children laugh.]

3h 36m 04s | [Wollensky stops, directing his mounted flashlight on a child. The camera shudders. The child giggles and shakes its head. It holds up its index finger, pointing. Wollensky rears his head toward a vacant location then turns back. The child flees, skipping across hay-covered floors and manure.]

3h 36m 13s | [Wollensky follows. The child darts to the left corner. The manure displays countless footprints of varying shoe sizes impressed into it.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>


4h 44m 41s]: [Unknown person(s) apply a hot glue gun from above view. Wollensky's arms struggle against fifteen small, pale arms pressing against him. The body camera falls to his feet.]

4h 44m 58s]: [Copious amounts of milk drip from Wollensky's ears.]

<Log cuts unexpectedly>


??h ??m ??s (COM) | [Gurgling sounds emit for approximately 12 hours. Various moans, bovine and human, are audible periodically. This occurs until the audio equipment runs out of battery.]

<End Log>


When retrieval MTF arrived at the farmland, the facilities were vacant, save for an undulating 1.7 m wide udder. The udder, branded with the initials "M.M." on its lower-end, emitted male vocalizations akin to sobbing.

The current whereabouts of Agents Smith and Wollensky are unknown.

Flagged on 2020-02-29 @ 07:10am (UTC-5)


Addendum 3739.3 — Initial Interview


Interviewed: Jacob Drauss, Head of Internet Outreach, Moosphere, Inc.

Interviewer: Dr. Handler

Date: June 10, 2019

Note: Simurgh.aic intercepted various social media and local news outlets with advertisements connected to SCP-3739-1 phenomena. An internet forensics team backtraced the IP addresses to a defunct compound in Bellevue, Wisconsin, which was then raided by MTF-Eta-33 ("Don't Have A Cow, Man"). The unit found Jacob Drauss in a state of unconsciousness and under duress with intravenous pumps injecting viscous white liquids into his bloodstream from emptied milk containers.

<Begin Log>

[Jacob Drauss regained consciousness 90 minutes after the start of the raid. Recording begins as Drauss leaks milk from his left ear canal at an approximate rate of 400 mL per minute.]

Jacob Drauss: Ah, fuck, all over the kitchen!

Dr. Handler: This is your house?

Drauss: Yeah, man. I work from home.

Dr. Handler: Noted. [Aside.] Grab a bucket, please.

[A member of Eta-33 places a bucket at Drauss' side, catching the liquid.]

Drauss: We don't have time for this. They're gonna be here any minute!

Dr. Handler: Well, then, the clock is ticking, Jacob.

Jacob Drauss: What else do you need? You got my ID, my background check, academic certs, tungsten ring…

Dr. Handler: My hands are tied. You'll have to play ball with us.

Drauss: Playing ball means I won't be able to sleep without several gallons of milk pouring out of my nostrils and mouth, goddamnit. Fuck!

Dr. Handler: That's a risk you're willing to take. [Dr. Handler taps on a folder on the desk.] Freedom's right within reach, Drauss. More than I can say for those poor sods you personally trapped with memetics. [Dr. Handler opens the folder, flipping through birth certificates and passports.] We have a nice little home for you, out by the pier with Little Mary and Jonesy — the four of you under a nice little carousel. You're taking out little Mary's favorite treats from a picnic basket; the sun's caressing your shoulders; the sand kernels are wedging between your toes. [Dr. Handler slams the folder shut.] Come on, work for it! Work for your new life.

Drauss: You make sure you protect them after I'm gone, you hear? CEO's gonna kill me for revealing his secrets. [Drauss grunts.] There's that udder you found. At the warehouse, right?

Dr. Handler: Any others?

Drauss: Couple. It's emergent aeonian bio-organic paratech. Or in other words — the CEO expects his workers to become his product. Black warehouse, brown doors? With the cat poster, right? Yeah, that was Dave. Great guy, but not smart enough to avoid the CEO's ire. Tried to reveal what was going on anonymously and thought he was protected because he had fuckin' NordVPN on. [Drauss shakes his head.] The last message he sent me said he got "transferred".

Dr. Handler: E-mails we intercepted on the company intranet confirms that message was sent not too long ago, but we couldn't trace it back to any known source. We also couldn't find any technologies capable of doing that to your friend.

Drauss: That's because it's in here. [Drauss taps his temple.] It's like this. Imagine a valve being affixed to a piston. Or an artificial ventricle filled with blood, forming a unique mechanism capable of muscle contraction. We dreamt up our heat exchangers to pasteurize that damned dairy.

[A large disembodied udder manifests in the corner of the room behind Drauss.]

Dr. Handler: The floating udder, Drauss?

Drauss: [Drauss covers his face with his hands, disrupting the flow. He exhales.] Fuck!

Dr. Handler: [Aside.] You didn't bring the MEATS,11 did you?

Eta-33 Lead: We'll handle it, just keep talking to the perp.

Dr. Handler: Alright. [Pause.] Jacob, how does someone get into this business?

Drauss: Handler, was it? [Handler nods.] Well, Handler, you know how they operate. It's all between-the-lines, through subliminal catchy slogan bullshit, brand deals, seasonal sales, et cetera. Once you get into it you can say bye-bye to whatever goodnight's sleep you had prior.

Dr. Handler: Before this, you were a full-time Lyft driver. Can't imagine you were getting much sleep on those long nights out anyway. What's with the change in occupation?

Drauss: I was conscripted. See, it starts slowly. You get fatigued. So you put a little more cheese in your diet, maybe pour a little more skim milk in your decaf. Espresso won't work. Pills won't work, and some days you collapse from exhaustion. And when the coma hits? [Drauss drops his palms to his lap.] That means you're hired. Your subconscious isn't your private property anymore, understand?

Dr. Handler: So then how did you propagate the advertisements? You were physically incapable of doing any typing from what I could tell.

Drauss: Yeah, those? Written in legally-distinct arcana via the amygdala: drafted in emotion and fear, so they can't get sued by competitors in the Marketplace of Ideas.

Dr. Handler: What else did you witness?

Drauss: After I was employed, it was all about Moosphere Mind-Cubicles™, Moosphere-brand Mind-Staplers™, Mind-Utilities™, Mind-Slaves™, Moosphere Grazing Barns™, and a "district manager" with six leaky tits. I was busy filing tax returns for these primordial, bovine entities. These, these things that expect you to drink yourself into oblivion. Oneiroi's Kangeroo Kourt System isn't going to recognize Staff mistreatment or unions if the Moosphere did it on company grounds.

[The floating udder undulates; retching sounds emerge.]

Dr. Handler: Company grounds?

Drauss: The Marketplace of Ideas isn't a lie, Doctor Handler. The domain exists, and you're a part of it, whether you like it or not.

Dr. Handler: How do you mean?

Drauss: I need you to listen very carefully when I tell you this. [Drauss sits up straight and sighs.] You should know that there are only two types of people in this world. Those of us who drink Mind-Milk™, and those of us who secrete it.

<End Log>

Note: Mr. Drauss has refused to answer any further questions about Moosphere, his position in the company, or the Marketplace of Ideas. My team and I have taken him into limited protective custody for psychological evaluation and his own personal safety.

— Dr. Handler

Addendum 3739.4 — Exploration Log


Foreword: On June 24, 2019, live footage of a writhing, gelatinous clump was posted to YouTube, triggering Simurgh.aic. Sometime after, Foundation pataphysicists detected an aberrant mass of bovine memes equal to 150,000 dairy cattle in a 640 m2 area. MTF-Eta-33 ("Don't Have A Cow, Man") members initiated the investigation, tracking the memes to a large abandoned warehouse in Northeastern Wisconsin.

Site-82 Command has authorized the use of esoteric materials during this mission to combat oneiric and anomalous dairy entities.

Note: Task force members were selected based on:
a) Their teamwork skills.
b) Pataphysical markers pointing to their archetypal significance, necessary for an operation of this nature.

Agents: η-1, η-2, and η-3.


  • Three sets of standard Spectra-fibre body armor.12
  • Three M4 carbines.
  • One tactical astral projection kit and subdermal sigil carried by η-1.
  • One reconnaissance drone and a remote controller carried by η-2.
  • One breach kit carried by η-3.
  • Misc. utility grenades and stunning weapons.
  • Specialized infrared visualizers.
  • SCP-3863-1-type milk-honey, 250 mL.

Preamble: MTF-Eta-33 was deployed by a combat search and rescue helicopter. Cast iron and steel roofing are partially collapsed, leaving a large breach above the warehouse.

<Begin Log, 9:47 PM>

«9:47:» η-1 and η-3 hold position outside the front entrance. η-2 operates a drone over the exposed opening.

«9:50:» Drone feed captures a dimly lit interior with 25 docile cows inside compact rooms, guarded behind slide-doors. The cows are fitted with metallic portholes on their left flank and udders.

«9:52:» Drone feed captures manure and hay compositions surrounding a hole directly underneath the roof's breach. Drone feed concentrates on gelatinous, purple tubing networks leading into the hole and between compact cow stalls. The drone's audio receivers detect noise leaking through seams in the wall.

«9:57:» Drone feed captures generic farming utilities, fertilizer, and seed bags.

«9:58:» Small outlines move within bushes nearby η-1's camera. η-1 shines her flashlight near the location of movement. After a moment, η-1 states, "Negative sighting, remain alert."

«9:58:» η-1 gestures an "all-clear" signal. η-2 nods to η-3. η-3 installs a breach charge at the facility's front doors. The three pile behind a breaching blanket.

«9:59:» The charge detonates. η-3 enters the facility, followed by η-2 and η-1.

«10:01:» The team proceeds through a tight windowless vestibule into a wide foyer. No persons are present within, and the interior lacks light sources. Team members activate night-vision.

«10:04:» The unit makes a thorough sweep of the area before turning left two-thirds of the way down. They encounter a door, ajar, to an open office space. The office displays hundreds of laminated posters, each sporting motivational messages overlayed onto stock images of persons consuming dairy products.

«10:06:» η-1 discovers milk leaking from the ceiling. Drone feed captures undulating movement from no discernable source. η-2 claims, "It's coming from everywhere."

«10:07:» η-1 takes a milk sample, enclosing it in a rally bag. The milk emits a faint green bioluminescence.

«10:08:» η-3 leads the team into an antechamber at the back of the office, claiming [he] "smells a sulfuric scent." η-1 activates electro-photonic sensors, revealing aetheric radiation13 leaking from an adjacent chamber.

«10:09:» η-3 pushes into the next antechamber, which is filled with curdled milk. η-3 opens a metal door, drawing his carbine. A cow comes into view, mooing. Aetheric emission flows from its posterior, consistent with bovine flatulence.

«10:11:» The team returns to the foyer, traveling east through winding halls.

«10:15:» A tremor shakes the facility, followed by a long bovine vocalization. η-1's milk sample vibrates, growing ten times in volume. She abandons the sample.

«10:18:» η-3 reports a 3 m wide teat intersecting through support columns. The teat leaks a faint green milk.

«10:19:» η-1 makes incisions into the teat, revealing more flesh within. The flesh gurgles, pushing through the incision, consuming the cutting implement. Cutting operation is abandoned.

«10:20:» Drone footage shows cows either fleeing or charging toward something.

«10:23:» η-3 heaves open frosted double doors into a massive chamber ~20 m in height. A writhing light brown Udder of indeterminable width fills the chamber, producing hundreds of large teats, stretching and collapsing. Sleeping persons, presumably employees, levitate mid-air in groups of three around smaller teats. Cream cheese flows in bulk from their craniums down into a giant subterranean tank below.

«10:24:» η-2's drone captures footage of a cow falling from an upper walkway, yelping. A second prior to hitting the ground, the Udder trembles. The cow hits the ground, melting into a milky liquid, some of which moves toward the room's center.

«10:25:» More cows follow until all 25 have fallen. Splashes fill the chamber, spraying MTF members.

«10:27:» A floating pink udder (a SCP-3739-1-B instance, or "Mammary Mother") approaches the trio. η-1 recoils, clutching her temples — she receives a telepathic payload. η-1 asks, "What do you want?" The instance undulates, laughing. η-3 aims then fires his carbine. The instance fails to take damage, in due part to its apparent metaphysical nature.

«10:28:» η-1 nods at η-3, who nods back, then stands at guard in front of her. η-2 does the same. η-1 unpacks her tool kit. She burns incense and reads a selection from her personal dream journal.

«10:29:» The instance sports multiple arms, unfolding from within each other and into view. The udder grows an attractive, plump face, shooting milk from its mouth. It says, "Your mother wants you to finish your milk" with a giggle and piercing shriek.

«10:30:» η-2 trains the drone on a fleshy off-color sack near the middle of the Udder's anterior face. η-3 levels his carbine, waiting to fire.

«10:31:» η-2 says, "I'm lactose intolerant" and curses the instance with reductionist profanities. The drone detects natural chemosignals14 emitting from the instance. 15 "Child Curdles" separate from the main Udder, bombarding η-2 with runny cream cheese. Some Children siphon liquids directly from the Mother. They scream: "Eat it! Drink it!". η-2 refuses to comply.

«10:32:» η-1 strikes a match, burning her thumb tip. She thumbs her tactical sigil, then downs the milk-honey. Her body goes limp. An astral body sprouts up from her physical body's chest and flips toward the Mother, grabbing at teats and pulling.

«10:33:» η-2 is fully covered in cream cheese but refuses to consume it. The Children drag him to the Udder, forcing a leaking teat into his mouth. He has no choice but to comply.

«10:32:» η-1 combats the Mother. Both scream, trading blows. η-3 walks to the Udder, aims, and fires at the exposed fleshy protrusion. He yells, "You're not real." The flesh goes erect and sprays milk at him. He consumes the milk at will, downing litres without apparent stress.

«10:34:» η-1 spirals and pirouettes through the air, faster than the Mother. It squeezes green milk at her. She grabs a teat and stretches it with ease. The Mother screams in shock, deflates, then falls to the floor. A palpable wet smack echoes throughout the room: it becomes tangible, leaking the rest of its fluids.

«10:35:» η-2 is no longer visible. The large Udder shakes and spills milk into the vast room. η-1's astral body reconnects with her physical body. She ditches the astral projection kit. η-1 and η-3 escape.

<End Log, 10:35 PM>

Extraction: Post-log footage taken from η-2's drone records η-2 screaming in distress. This occurs for roughly 30 minutes as the warehouse fills with milk.

Near the end of the footage, η-2 emerges naked and is marked with a disembodied cattle branding prosthesis. He shudders, mooing. The prosthesis spots the drone, extends, and emits electricity from a cattle prod, frying it. The footage ends.


On October 19, 2019, interrogation campaigns across United States farmlands suggested ~3130 oneiric advertisements coerced dairy corporate executives, regional managers, and ranchers to sign away rights to their dreams.

On November 21, 2019, several hundred livestock facilities experienced bovine and human inflation; like the entities seen in OPERATION: L.I., replacing body fluids with a voluminous amount of non-anomalous milk product. MEATS filtration and conventional FDA regulations failed to contain public knowledge of oneiric dairy products. Wisconsin dreaming is the first to be assimilated. REM sleep is irreversibly altered.

On January 30, 2020, Pennsylvania and Washington dreaming are assimilated. REM sleep is irreversibly altered. Despite reintegration attempts made by Stratford Cattle Productions (via top-selling beef and yogurt products), citizens from these regions support CEO M.M.'s presidential campaign with vice president Jackie the Clown Cow.

On February 9, 2020, the CEO of Moosphere interrupted all of Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Washington's telecommunication broadcasts with a payload of cognitohazardous memes. Moosphere employs unaffected populations by force. Televisions broadcasted the following:


<Begin Log>

[CEO M.M. descends onto a podium, cranium inflamed. He produces an audible sigh. He opens his mandibles and a bovine eye atop his brow. Cream cheese secretes from the two orifices. Palpable dripping and splashing sounds are audible for three minutes 27 seconds.]

[Undulating, it thinks.]

<End Log>

Time-stamped: 2m 59s
2020-02-29 @ 9:43am (UTC-5)


page revision: 35, last edited: 30 Jan 2019 16:53
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